Recording of Introductory Call Now Available!

This past Saturday, Abigail and I conducted the introductory call for Building Bridges to, and Communicating from Authentic Self. We had a great time and are happy to share this recording with anyone who is interested. Listen to the call!

Read more about the upcoming teleseminar and register soon!:

A unique teleseminar workshop, developed and taught by:

 Abigail DeSoto, Transformational Coach & Psychosynthesis Guide,

and

Rachel Grant, Trauma Recovery & Relationship Coach

Together they bring over a quarter century’s experience accompanying people to living happier, more authentic and fulfilled lives.

During this two-day workshop, we will explore how we can be the most we can be in life, as well as the thoughts and patterns that keep us from authenticity and our deepest desires.

WORKSHOP DETAILS:

August 6th & 13th, 9am PST/12pm EST/6pm Continental Europe time

Early Bird Registration (before July 27^th): $35

Registration after July 27^th: $50           

Sessions will be available for audio downloading. Even if you can't make the calls, register and you will receive the recordings.

We will explore a tried and true process in psychosynthesis which helps clear a channel to tune into authentic self…the sense of who we truly are, beyond concepts, roles or other blocks. We’ll also explore what calls to us in life, and how we can step into our mission or highest calling. To do this we need to explore and practice communication skills that facilitate living this powerful and thriving life!

Blocks/Obstacles:

Before we can open to authentic self, we need to clear away the ‘debris’ of self-defeating or belittling beliefs in areas such as:

• What we believe we are… in either limited or over-idealized ways.
• What we believe we ‘should’ be or what we would like to appear to be in the eyes of others.
• What others project on to us as to what they say or think we are.

We will explore the effect of “survival personalities” conditioned from childhood wounding. Only after exploring one’s psychological make-up and past conditioning, embracing our foibles with love, recognizing our talents and strengths, is authentic self free to emerge…. Self is always present, but often covered over with hardened beliefs and fears about who we think we are.

  

Carpe diem!  Sign up today. Places are limited!

ABOUT THE FACILITATORS

Transformational Coach and Psychosynthesis Guide, published author, and creator of YinDance Your Inner Dance ™, Abigail has worked internationally over 15 years with clients who are dedicated to “seeing through the illusion”… people who choose to experience authenticity because they understand we are more than our egos with a never-ending parade of needs and fears. These ‘delusions’ are what trap us in a small sense of self. To experience authentic Self, we need to step up and out in life into a larger concept of who we are, to dare to remove the layers of supposed protection, our many masks… which ultimately cut us off from experience of true Self.
www.inner-discovery.com

Rachel is a Trauma Recovery & Relationship coach. Based on her desire to foster community, intimacy, and connection, Rachel has dedicated much of her time to understanding relationships and communication. For her, how we relate to others is crucial to improving the overall quality of our lives. She developed her Trauma Recovery & Relationship coaching programs based on her learning and personal insights and has been successfully working with clients for the past four years. Rachel holds an M.A. in Counseling Psychology. With this training in human behavior and cognitive development, she provides a distinct perspective and approach for her clients while using coaching as opposed to therapeutic models.

What's the Meaning of This!? Part 1

“We are all meaning making machines”

I first heard this description of how we humans work six years ago at a workshop I was attending. Today, when I Googled it, I got over 5 million results! Clearly this is an idea that has been floating around and changing the way people interact with each other and frame their experiences for some time. This certainly was the case for me, so let’s break it down and figure out exactly what being a “meaning making machine” means.

We are wired to automatically assign a meaning or interpretation to each experience we have. Whether in response to something someone does or says, we have a craving to explain why things have gone the way they have. This happens without a conscious effort on our part, but takes root and influences the way we feel and react before we even know what meaning we’ve come up with.

Albert Ellis, a psychologist, developed his theory of Rational Emotive Behavior in 1955. According to his theory, we develop irrational beliefs during childhood that influence our feelings and behavior then and later in life. On a neurological level, the “meanings” are often the same in many situations because an old pathway that was wired long ago is “lit up.” For example, perhaps a teacher chastised you for a wrong answer in front of the class when you were younger. Ellis would call this the “actual or activating event.” As a way to explain why that happened, you make it mean or develop the irrational belief, “I’m not smart.” Years later, a boss criticizes your ideas and the meaning you assign is – you got it – “I’m not smart.” As a result, you may feel inferior, inept, lose confidence or avoid taking on new projects (the emotional and behavioral consequences are in full swing!).

We do need interpretations in order to navigate the world and our experiences. However, more often than not, our first interpretation or meaning has much more to do with our own history, baggage, fears, false beliefs than with what is actually going on. As I’ve written about before, the mind likes to reinforce the pathways that are already wired and resists creating new ones. So, when we find ourselves experiencing something that is familiar, the mind likes to go straight to the interpretation that is already wired rather than make an effort to do something different.

So, how do you turn off the meaning making machine instead of greasing the wheels? Well, the bad news is you can’t – we are wired this way. However, you can decrease the frequency with which your negative meanings get first priority and decrease how long you stay “stuck” in a meaning once you notice that’s what you’re up to. But how?

Next week, I’ll share the four steps to challenging the meaning making machine (now, don’t go making the delay mean I don’t care enough to share it now or that I’m just teasing you into returning!). Between now and then, you can get started by noting the meanings you make in different situations. I encourage you to jot them down. Most of us have a few top meanings – our go-to meanings – that will show up over and over again. Creating a list of meanings that keep popping up will help you hone in on the main false beliefs that have taken root and that will require the most work to challenge.

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Discover the 3 Stages of Recovery from Childhood Abuse

The road to recovery is much easier when you know what stage you're in and what to do next. Find out exactly where you are in your healing journey and what kind of support you need right now. 

This FREE 9-page guide will give you the answers you've been seeking.

Please Send My Copy Now

Listen Now! to my interview on FightBack!

Hi all!

This past Friday, I had the amazing opportunity to speak with FightBack eRadio host, Charles Lewis about the work I do with people seeking to overcome the effects of sexual abuse.

I hope you'll take a few minutes out of your day to listen to the show and feel free to share it with others!

Very best,

Rachel

P.S. Blog Contest update! If you didn't already know, I'm a contestant in School of Coaching Mastery's 2011 Blog Competition and so far I'm in the lead! The competition is heating up though, so, please VOTE for me! It will take less than 3 minutes to do so! No registration required; follow the link and click the up arrow next to my blog (Rachel Grant Coaching). Only vote once or I will be disqualified! Thanks to everyone who's voted, keeping me in 1st place!

Integrity

We are all liars. In the very moment that our trust is violated and we are abused, we have to make a decision – will we tell or will we cover it up. Most of us, because we are young when the abuse occurs, don’t even make this decision in a deeply insightful way. We simply know something about what has happened is bad and wrong, and you get in trouble for doing bad and wrong things – so we don’t tell.

This means that we sit down to breakfast with this huge thing happening that we can’t speak about. When asked if anything is wrong, we say, “I need more butter on my pancakes.” Our word becomes more and more degraded over time. Soon, we tell little lies out of habit rather than necessity. This disconnection from what we say lining up with what is happening, what we are doing is what I call “a lack of integrity.”

Now, integrity is one of those words that usually makes people stiffen uneasily. It seems to be a word that connotes unachievable heights. For me, though, integrity is simply saying what you mean, and meaning what you say – then following through with action to see to it that what you’ve given your word comes to fruition. For example, don’t say, “I hate you, I’m never going to talk to you again” if you don’t mean it. If you do mean it, then do it! Don’t say, “We should get together for lunch sometime” unless you mean it. If you do mean it, then send an email or make a call to actually get a date on the calendar.

In the world of recovery, we hear a lot about building back our self-esteem, getting over the shame and guilt, forgiving, and a myriad of other areas that are affected by abuse (and, to be sure, we’re going to talk about these topics in this blog). Yet, the one area I’ve noticed doesn’t get addressed often is the impact of abuse on our ability to live authentic, integrous lives.

It the last two posts, I spoke about how language and what we say is extremely powerful. For too long, we have been disconnected from our voice as a way to restore integrity and to cut out the lying.

So, before we go any further, I want you to consider deeply what you are giving your word to these days, and what the impact is on you and others when you don’t follow through. Don’t say “maybe” if you really mean “no.” Don’t say, “I’ll call you” if you aren’t going to. Try this week to not speak idly, but to honor your word.

It may seem scary, you may hesitate to conceive that your word, your voice could be powerful – but take this step and you’re on your way to living a life of integrity!

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Discover the 3 Stages of Recovery from Childhood Abuse

The road to recovery is much easier when you know what stage you're in and what to do next. Find out exactly where you are in your healing journey and what kind of support you need right now. 

This FREE 9-page guide will give you the answers you've been seeking.

Please Send My Copy Now

Don't Go It Alone!

There is a great children's book, Amazing Mr. Zooty! In the story, Mr. Zooty comes upon a family that is clearly down and out. Knowing they are good hearted people, he pretends to faint and, in reward for their quickly jumping to his rescue, he gives each of them a wish. Each wish he fulfills with some added embellishments - syrup for the little boy's pancakes; a hat to match the mother's new purse; and a house to go with the little girl's kitten. When the mother says she doesn't know how she'll ever thank him, he simply replies, "Everybody needs a little help sometimes."

Isn't that so true! Yet, what we do most of the time is keep our wishes (needs) close to our chests, refusing to share them with others. When we need support, rather than reach out to others, we hide, - after all, sometimes it's more important to look like you have it all together than to really have it all together - right?

No way! One of the things we need to get better at doing is asking for support. There's no need to go it alone. This, however, is easier said than done sometimes. But why is that?

On one level, we have a general need to look good. We want to be able, competent people who can handle whatever comes our way and so avoid anything that might call that into question. In other words, it's about saving face. Now, this is a natural tendency, but it gets us into a lot of trouble. Especially since things usually tend to get worse rather than better when we retreat and isolate ourselves and don't get support.

Take the case of one client who lost her job but refused to tell her friends. After three months of spending and going out as if she had a job, she was in debt up to her ears. She eventually had to fess up to her friends that, not only had she lost her job, but she’d hid it from them, and was now in trouble financially – she had compounded things threefold! So much for saving face, right? Now, that's not meant to be harsh, but it is a wake-up call that not asking for support or trying to hide in the name of looking good is counterproductive.

The other thing that stops us from asking for support is false beliefs about our value. Particularly if we have been abused, we question that we deserve help from others. Or we have the idea that we will be too much of an imposition - after all, our problems are so big how could anyone else handle it? Another false idea is that asking for help means you are a failure. These false ideas trap and isolate us from others and need to be challenged and overcome. Finish this statement: "I don't ask others for support because that would mean I _______." Whatever is in that blank is the false belief you need to disconfirm. You can check out this blog to learn more about how to do that.

Finally, sometimes, we just don't know how to ask for support. The thing is, we have to tune in to what we really need before we can ask for it from someone else. Saying to another person, "I need some support" is the beginning of the conversation, not the end. What do you mean by support? Do you need someone to just sit with you while you process thoughts or feelings? Do you need help figuring out a solution? Do you need a phone call once a week to check in? Do you need them to call you on a behavior that you want to stop when they see you doing it? The idea is that asking for support that actually leads to, well, support means first getting clear about what you need and communicating it clearly to the person you are asking. There may be times, granted, when you don't know exactly what you need, but you could communicate that or ask for support in getting clear!

This part - asking for what you really need minus vagueness, qualifications, or minimization - involves being vulnerable and trusting someone. Here now, is the toughest part when it comes to asking for support.

Here's the thing though, anyone you ask for help has at some point been in your shoes. Don't get fooled by the idea that what you're going through is so different that others haven't been there, too. It's a bit easier to trust and be vulnerable when you remember you aren't so unique .. everybody needs a little help sometimes.

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Discover the 3 Stages of Recovery from Childhood Abuse

The road to recovery is much easier when you know what stage you're in and what to do next. Find out exactly where you are in your healing journey and what kind of support you need right now. 

This FREE 9-page guide will give you the answers you've been seeking.

Please Send My Copy Now