What if success isn't getting the response you want? What if success is standing in your power?
Purchase lifetime access to my masterclass, Breaking the Silence Like a Badass.
#cptsdfoundation #healingsexualtrauma #beyondsurvivng #breakingthesilence
October 17, 2026
October 14, 2026
Breaking the Silence #4 | Prepare for the Response You Don't Want
Preparation isn't pessimism. It's power.
Purchase lifetime access to my masterclass, Breaking the Silence Like a Badass.
#cptsdfoundation #healingsexualtrauma #beyondsurvivng #breakingthesilence
October 10, 2026
Breaking the Silence #3 | Stop making their response the goal
You can want an apology without making an apology to measure of your success.
Purchase lifetime access to my masterclass, Breaking the Silence Like a Badass.
#cptsdfoundation #healingsexualtrauma #beyondsurvivng #breakingthesilence
October 7, 2026
Breaking the Silence #2 | You don't have to be completed healed
You don't have to be perfectly healed before you're allowed to talk about what happened. But there is a difference between being not healed enough and needing support and preparation.
Purchase lifetime access to my masterclass, Breaking the Silence Like a Badass.
#cptsdfoundation #healingsexualtrauma #beyondsurvivng #breakingthesilence
October 3, 2026
Breaking the Silence #1 | What are you afraid will happen if you tell?
Before you tell someone about the abuse, there's something I want you to get really honest about: What are you afraid might happen?
Purchase lifetime access to my masterclass, Breaking the Silence Like a Badass.
#cptsdfoundation #healingsexualtrauma #beyondsurvivng #breakingthesilence
October 2, 2026
Can AI Support Trauma Healing Without Replacing Human Connection?
I'll admit it: AI and trauma healing isn't a combination I ever expected to be talking about.
And yet, I recently had the opportunity to do exactly that when I joined Toni Teixeira and Jackie Toale on Therapy, Tech & Takeout for a conversation about something I find really fascinating: how AI might support survivors without trying to replace the very thing we know matters so much in healing - human connection.
Toni is a graduate of Beyond Surviving, and Padmaja Suren, founder of Canopy Care Academy, is also a Beyond Surviving graduate and someone I'm currently collaborating with on this work. Padmaja's own experience as a s*xual trauma survivor led her to explore whether AI could be used as a practice partner for survivors.
And that's an important distinction.
The idea isn't that AI can heal trauma. It isn't a therapist. It isn't a coach. It isn't a friend. And it certainly shouldn't become a substitute for real relationships.
Instead, what if it could give someone a place to practice?
Sometimes we need a chance to rehearse.
That's where I think the conversation gets interesting.
Imagine being able to practice saying, "That doesn't work for me," or "I need some time to think about that," or "I don't want to do this," before having to say it to the person sitting across from you.
The goal isn't to stay in the practice space forever. The goal is to build confidence and skills that you can eventually bring into your actual relationships and your actual life.
And there are some big questions that come along with that.
What happens when we're sharing deeply personal information with AI? How do we protect privacy? What are the boundaries around using technology in trauma-related work? How do we make sure the technology supports survivor choice and agency rather than taking it away?
Those aren't small questions. They're ones we need to keep asking as these tools continue to develop.
One thing I particularly appreciated about our conversation was that we didn't frame AI as the answer. We talked about it as one possible tool in a much bigger picture - one that still includes professional support, relationships, community, and the survivor's own wisdom and choices.
Because ultimately, healing isn't something technology can do for us.
Healing happens through what we learn, what we practice, how we relate to ourselves and others, and the experiences we have as we begin to live differently.
Technology may be able to help us practice some of those skills along the way.
But the destination isn't a better relationship with AI.
It's a better relationship with ourselves and with other people.
🎧 LISTEN HERE:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0YpBu2mKXRm0d348jcyVTp
A small action you can take today:
Think of one conversation you've been avoiding because you aren't sure what to say.
You don't have to have the conversation today.
Instead, write down what you wish you could say.
Don't worry about making it perfect. Just get the words out.
Sometimes the first step toward speaking up is giving yourself permission to hear your own voice.
To evolving,
RachelP.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by requesting a Discover Your Genuine Self Session.
RESOURCE OF THE MONTH
This book explores how trauma can affect our ability to connect with ourselves, other people, and the world around us. Through practical insights and exercises, Hübl offers a powerful look at why healing isn't something we have to do alone and how greater connection can support our growth and recovery.
UPCOMING EVENTS
brought to you in partnership with CPTSD Foundation
TWO WAYS TO CONNECT on 10/12💗
Start with a casual conversation, then stay for a deeper dive.
THRIVE TRIBE TALK LIVE
4:15p PT / 7:15p ET | 30 MIN
Cass + Rachel talking real life, healing, and what it actually takes to thrive. No script. No presentation. Just real conversation.
ADULT SURVIVORS OF CHILD ABUSE SUPPORT GROUP
5p PT / 8p ET | 1 HOUR
This month's topic: Living in Our Bodies
A free, welcoming space for adult survivors of abuse to connect, get support, and explore a specific healing topic together.
Come for one. Come for both.
REGISTER HERE
(you will also be registered for Thrive Tribe Talk)
Join me for this free 90-minute live masterclass on October 22 at 3:30p PT / 6:30p ET.
Learn how to prepare for difficult conversations about abuse, stay grounded when emotions arise, and shift from confrontation to self-expression so you can speak your truth without handing your power over to someone else's response.
This training changes that! Includes 7-Day Replay.
September 4, 2026
Choosing Yourself After Trauma
I recently connected with Susan Bisaha, and I knew I wanted to give her a space to share her story with you.
Susan is a psychotherapist of more than 30 years and an eight-year survivor of sexual abuse by a Catholic priest. She remained silent about what happened for years before eventually choosing to tell her story and begin rebuilding her life on her own terms. Her memoir, And the Lotus Shall Rise: My Journey Through Clergy Sex Abuse, chronicles her experience of grooming, abuse, silence, and the difficult road toward healing.
What particularly struck me about Susan's story is that her healing journey didn't simply involve looking back at what happened. For more than two decades, she has continued to encounter the man who abused her because he lives within two miles of her. She saw him in restaurants, supermarkets, bars, and around her community. That ongoing proximity meant learning how to navigate re-traumatization while continuing to build a life that belongs to her.
I’m grateful Susan reached out to share her story, and I hope her words offer both validation and encouragement to anyone who has struggled with shame, self-worth, or the long and sometimes complicated process of healing.
---
RACHEL: What inspired you to start writing about/exploring this topic?
SUSAN: Silence was literally killing me. When my mother passed away in 2014, the time felt right to share my story; eight years of sex abuse and exploitation by a catholic priest and the church. The book did not go where I had hoped (looking back, times were different regarding church sex assault) so after years of looking for a literary agent and/or publisher, the stars aligned. The book was
finally released May of this year through Cloverly Publishing. I am now able to use his real name (I could not in 2014) and include much more substance.
RACHEL: What key insights or lessons have you learned through your experiences with this subject?
SUSAN: I now choose to love myself!
For too many years, I placed my value and worth in other peoples' hands. Never again!
Also, Mark Dolak (the priest) has lived within two miles of me for the past 22 years. Hundreds of sightings at bars, restaurants, supermarkets, the boardwalk. In my case, I needed to learn about continuous re-traumatization and how to cope. No one could save me but me.
RACHEL: What challenges do you think people face when dealing with this topic and how can they overcome them?
SUSAN: Healing takes time. Loving yourself is a CHOICE.
SUSAN: The child should have known it was wrong. The child should have stopped it.
RACHEL: What resources, tools, or next steps would you recommend for readers who want to dive deeper into this topic?
SUSAN: THERAPY!! Also, building a community that knows your story and will support your journey.
---
What I appreciate most about Susan's story is her simple but incredibly powerful statement: "I now choose to love myself."
That may sound straightforward, but for survivors, learning to place our own worth back in our own hands can be a profound part of healing. Abuse teaches us, directly or indirectly, to question ourselves, our instincts, our value, and sometimes even our right to take up space. Reclaiming those things takes time.
I also appreciate Susan's honesty about re-traumatization. Healing doesn't always mean the reminders disappear. Sometimes the person, place, memory, or circumstance is still there. The work becomes learning how to care for yourself when those reminders show up, rather than allowing them to take your life back from you.
And I couldn't agree more with her reminder that healing takes time. There is no deadline for becoming okay. There is simply the ongoing choice to turn toward yourself with compassion, support, and the belief that your life can become your own again.
To choosing yourself,
Rachel
P.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by requesting a Discover Your Genuine Self Session.
RESOURCE OF THE MONTH
This month’s resource comes from someone especially close to my heart - Toni Teixeira, a graduate of the Beyond Surviving program!
In her book, Toni offers a beginner-friendly introduction to somatic exercises and the powerful connection between our bodies and minds. With more than 65 simple practices, she shows you how movement can help you regulate your nervous system, reduce stress and anxiety, and become more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations.
Whether you're new to somatic work or simply looking for practical tools you can use in the moment, this is a wonderful resource to explore.
UPCOMING EVENTS
REPLAY AVAILABLE UNTIL SEPTEMBER 10
Missed the live event, or want to go deeper? The full 3-day replay of Making Miracles Happen is available now through September 10. Explore powerful healing conversations, energy transmissions, and insights designed to help you get to the source of old patterns and connect with your inner healer.
brought to you in partnership with CPTSD Foundation
As survivors of childhood abuse, one of the most persistent and pervasive feelings we experience is shame. This month, we explore how it affects our sense of self, our inner emotional lives, our relationships, and more.
WE NEED YOUR VOICE!
THE CPTSD CENSUS
Every Voice Helps Shape the Future of Complex PTSD
The CPTSD Census is an annual survivor-led research initiative created by The Healing and CPTSD Foundation to better understand the lived experiences of people impacted by Complex PTSD.
By participating, you're contributing to a growing body of survivor-informed data that helps strengthen education, advocacy, research, and future systems change.
The CPTSD Census is more than a questionnaire.
It's a collective effort to document survivor experiences, strengthen awareness, inform advocacy, and ensure that the voices of people living with Complex PTSD are reflected in conversations about research, policy, and systems change.
PARTICIPATE IN THE CENSUS
AVAILABLE UNTIL SEPTEMBER 30th
August 18, 2026
3 Mistakes Most Adults Make When Trying to Protect Children
Most adults are doing their best with incomplete information ... let's fill in the blanks!
Purchase the 90 min How to Protect the Children You Love Masterclass:
#empoweredparenting #beyondsurviving #abusepreventioneducation
August 15, 2026
5 Simple Statements to Teach Body Autonomy
Let's build up your toolkit for teaching body autonomy to the children you love.
Purchase lifetime access to my masterclass to learn communication skills that will help you protect the children you love!
#empoweredparenting #beyondsurviving #abusepreventioneducation
August 12, 2026
Prevention starts with patterns, not fear.
How to Protect the Children You Love: 3 Mistakes Well-Meaning Adults Make When Trying to Prevent Abuse (and What To Do Instead)
Purchase lifetime access to my masterclass to gain the skills you need:
#empoweredparenting #beyondsurviving #abusepreventioneducation
August 8, 2026
Warning signs are not enough to protect children
If prevention relies only on warning signs, we miss too much and leave children too exposed.
Learn what really helps prevent abuse in my class How to Protect the Children You Love:
#empoweredparenting #beyondsurviving #abusepreventioneducation
August 6, 2026
You Are More Than What Happened To You
I recently had the opportunity to connect with Becky Perkins through my friend Mike Valente at Zero Abuse Project, and I was immediately impressed by the heart and dedication she brings to this work.
Becky is the Director of Survivor Resiliency at Zero Abuse Project, where she leads SurvivorSpace - an incredible resource created to support adult survivors of childhood s*xual abuse. With more than 23 years of experience as a survivor advocate, Becky has dedicated her career to creating spaces where survivors feel seen, heard, supported, and empowered.
What stood out to me most about Becky is the way she talks about survivors. She doesn’t define people by what happened to them. Instead, she highlights their strength, wisdom, humor, talents, relationships, and the fullness of who they are beyond their trauma.
I’m grateful to introduce you to Becky and share this important conversation about healing, community, and the power of survivor voices.
---
RACHEL: What inspired you to start writing about/exploring this topic?
BECKY: My career in victim advocacy was inspired by my own s*xual assault experience when I was a pre-teen. Growing up and into adulthood, I was fascinated by the mind-body connection as it relates to trauma and health, but I didn't know what I wanted to do for a career. In my early-twenties, I trained to become a volunteer advocate at my local rape crisis center, which enabled me to provide victims who were recently assaulted with the support that didn't exist when it happened to me. I fell in love with this work, which set me on my career path.
Prior to coming to Zero Abuse Project, much of my work was focused on providing direct advocacy to survivors and their loved ones in hospital emergency departments, police departments, and courts. Later, I worked at the state level (Ohio) training advocates from across the state and advocating for survivor-focused public policies and increased funding for victim services.
When I came to Zero Abuse Project, my work shifted to collaborating with survivors as peers rather than being a "service provider." I've partnered with dozens of truly amazing survivors as lived-experience experts to develop and expand the SurivvorSpace website. In the past, I never had the chance to find out how victims' lives evolved over time. With SurvivorSpace, I've had the opportunity to interact with survivors years after their victimization, and with 1in6, I get to cultivate a space where male survivors support each other as adults regarding victimization they suffered as children. It has been incredibly inspiring and the greatest honor of my career to partner with survivors in this way.
RACHEL: What key insights or lessons have you learned through your experiences with this subject?
BECKY: There are a lot of insights I've gained over the years, but I think the biggest takeaway from my current work with SurvivorSpace and 1in6 is that adult survivors of child s*xual abuse are complex, multifaceted individuals who are so much more than the trauma they've experienced. They are not "broken" people whose lives are defined by their trauma. Yes, they've endured deeply painful experiences and many struggle with the impacts of the trauma for much of their lives, but they're also accomplished professionals, partners, parents, friends, and delightful humans with wonderful talents, humor, and wisdom. They are capable of experiencing joy and love and success. Their lived experiences as survivors might be the reason I've met or collaborated with them, but I value them just as much for who they are beyond their victimization.
I've also come to embrace survivors as true experts when it comes to the best way to prevent s*xual abuse, hold offenders accountable, and support survivors. Who better to ask and consult with than the very people who have experienced these crimes? Too often survivors are overlooked as a source of expertise if they don't have the right letters after their names, but there is no better source of knowledge than lived experience.
Additionally, as a survivor myself and a long-time advocate, I had always kept quiet about my victimization, doing my healing work in private while advocating for other survivors. But the survivors I've partnered with through SurvivorSpace and 1in6 have inspired me to be more vocal about my experience. They've taught me that every survivor's story matters, even my own.
RACHEL: What challenges do you think people face when dealing with this topic and how can they overcome them?
BECKY: We've come a long way in being able to recognize and talk about s*xual assault and abuse due in part to the #MeToo movement, accusations of s*xual assault against high-profile individuals, and decades of abuse uncovered within various institutions. Our media landscape also has a tendency to fixate on sexual violence in a variety of contexts, which can have both positive and negative effects.
Despite this general societal consciousness, so many survivors feel alone in their experiences. They fear that they won't be believed, that no one will understand what they've been through or why they struggle with it, and that they'll be blamed for their victimization. Unfortunately, the criminal justice system and the responses of people in positions of power sometimes reinforce these fears. Male survivors also navigate persistent societal norms, such as that men and boys can't be abused or that they're weak. The average age that a male survivor of child s*xual abuse first tells someone is 53, and we know that about 1 in every 6 men has experienced sexual abuse, so there are millions of men who are suffering in silence because society has made them feel that they can't or shouldn't talk about it.
There is always much work to be done to improve the systems that address these crimes, and legislation is vitally important - such as eliminating the statute of limitations for s*xual assault and abuse so that offenders can be held accountable even if victims do not report right away. Survivors who want to be part of these efforts should be able to without gatekeeping on the part of professionals or systems. But just as important is creating safe and supported opportunities for survivors to hear from, learn from, and support each other - such as through SurvivorSpace and 1in6. When survivors can share their experiences with each other, they don't feel as isolated and alone. They can see that others have suffered similar traumas, have faced similar challenges, and understand the many nuances of navigating life as an abuse survivor. Humans have always been hard-wired to survive and thrive in community with one another. Enabling survivors to be in community with each other in accessible ways is vitally important.
RACHEL: Are there any common myths or misunderstandings about this topic that you'd like to address?
BECKY: There are so many myths and misunderstandings that persist about s*xual abuse! I'll address a few of them here.
First is the issue of consent. Children are incapable of consenting to any form of s*xual contact with an adult, period. The vast majority of child s*xual abuse is committed by someone the child knows and trusts. Abuse is never the child's fault, but offenders know how to manipulate the emotions and behaviors of children in ways that cause children to believe they are willing participants in - or even the cause of - the abuse. This causes confusion, pain, and self-blame in children, and it often causes non-offending adults to minimize or dismiss abusive behavior. With boys especially, physical arousal during abuse can deepen confusion regarding consent. Misconceptions about consent are sometimes made worse by the media, such as when an article states that an adult "had sex with" a minor. And misperceptions still persist about boys who are sexually abused by women - that the boy was "lucky" instead of a victim of sexual assault.
Second is the belief that the victim, regardless of age, could have or should have fought back, resisted, or run away. S*xual assault and abuse are nearly always committed by someone the victim knows, therefore their guard is automatically down. They're not expecting to be violated by this person. Children are incapable of physically overwhelming an adult in order to escape abuse, but even adults face a physiological reality, which is that when the brain detects a potential threat, it causes the body to react in the interest of survival. We've heard of "fight, flight, freeze, and fawn." These are not reactions that we consciously choose. In a split second, our brains decide for us which response we'll have. I once provided support to a victim who had a black belt in karate and was a champion weightlifter, yet they froze when they were sexually assaulted. The obvious question they and their loved ones had was, "Why didn't you fight back?" The answer is that they couldn't. Their brain had rendered their body essentially paralyzed, making them incapable of fighting back.
Third is the belief that male survivors are weak and thus not "real men." Boys are children and are as incapable of overpowering an offender as girls are. Males of any age are subject to the involuntary "fight, flight, freeze, or fawn" response, so even grown men who are physically strong may not be capable of fighting off an attacker. And, of course, child abusers most often emotionally manipulate boys into believing they are active participants in the abuse. None of this makes boys or men weak. If anything, given the fortitude it takes to navigate the trauma and societal stigma of s*xual abuse, male survivors are arguably stronger than those who have not been forced to face such a traumatic experience.
Fourth is a myth related to a more modern concern: that online exploitation is not that serious. S*xual exploitation of children and adults is increasing at a rapid pace. Teen boys in particular are increasingly targeted by criminal s*xtortion networks, and tragically, several boys have become so overwhelmed by these criminals so quickly that they've died by suicide. Due to the rapid evolution of artificial intelligence tools, it's no longer even necessary for criminals to coerce children into sending nude photos of themselves; the criminals can simply generate an image on their own using AI. While many of these crimes involve no physical (i.e. "hands-on") abuse, the impact is nonetheless incredibly traumatic because the violation is (or is threatened to be) very public in nature.
RACHEL: What resources, tools, or next steps would you recommend for readers who want to dive deeper into this topic?
BECKY: Men and women who are survivors of child s*xual abuse can visit the SurvivorSpace website to access stories, poems, artwork, fact sheets, presentations, and links to resources, podcasts, books, and more - all of it created or recommended by survivors. The website also includes resources for loved ones of survivors.
Adult male survivors can visit the 1in6 website, where they'll find information about myths and facts, video stories from survivors via the Bristlecone Project, and access to chat-based online support groups. The online support groups for male survivors are anonymous and offered each weekday. 1in6 will also soon launch a podcast co-hosted by actor and survivor Anthony Edwards, and writer, podcaster and survivor Beau Friedlander. A companion blog for 1in6 will also soon be published, curated by award-winning author and survivor Stephen Mills.
Both SurvivorSpace and 1in6 are free resources that do not require registration, a referral, or a subscription.
In addition to supporting survivors, Zero Abuse Project also offers expert training and technical assistance for child protection professionals, first responders, and victim assistance providers from multiple disciplines across the country, including forensic interviewers, child abuse prosecutors, and Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) investigators. The agency also offers training, support, and prevention resources to faith communities and schools, as well as curricula for colleges and universities on equipping the next generation of child protection professionals.
---
One of the things I love most about what Becky shared is this reminder: survivors are not broken people who need to be fixed. They are whole, complex human beings who have experienced something deeply painful.
For so many survivors, there is a fear that what happened to them becomes the thing that defines them. But Becky beautifully reminds us that trauma is only one part of someone's story - not the entirety of who they are.
I also deeply appreciate her emphasis on the power of survivor voices. There is something incredibly healing about being in spaces where you don’t have to explain yourself, defend your experience, or convince someone that what happened mattered. Being witnessed by people who understand can be a powerful reminder that you are not alone.
Healing was never meant to happen in isolation. We are wired for connection, and sometimes finding community with people who truly get it can be one of the most important steps toward reclaiming joy, belonging, and hope.
To healing,
RachelP.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by requesting a Discover Your Genuine Self Session.
Learn more about the Zero Abuse Project
UPCOMING EVENTS
brought to you in partnership with CPTSD Foundation
For survivors of childhood sexual abuse, PTSD is an anxiety disorder that is directly related to exposure to abuse and experiences of intense fear, helplessness, or horror. We will discuss PTSD, its symptoms, how memory is impacted, and how to overcome PTSD.
You love the children in your life.
And like most adults, you’ve probably wondered:
- Am I doing enough to protect them?
- How do I talk about body safety without scaring them?
- What if something happened and I didn’t know what to do?
- How do I protect them without becoming anxious or hypervigilant?
If any of this feels familiar, you are not alone.
Most caring adults were never taught how child sexual abuse actually happens, how to recognize risk, or how to respond with confidence.
So they’re left trying to protect children with fear, guesswork, or silence.
This training changes that! Includes 7-Day Replay.
Grooming is often invisible...until it isn't.
Want to become an empowered adult who knows how to protect the children you love?
#beyondsurviving #protectchildren #empoweredparenting
August 3, 2026
3 Myths Most Adults Believe About Child Sexual Abuse
Many assumptions about child safety were never taught they were inherited.
Purchase lifetime access to How to Protect the Children You Love
August 1, 2026
Isn't it obvious when a child is being abused?
My grandfather abused me for years before it was noticed.
Most adults were never taught how abuse actually unfolds.
Let’s change that!
#beyondsurviving #protectchildren #empoweredparenting
July 16, 2026
5 Lies Shame Wants You to Believe: #5 | If I talk about it, I’ll overwhelm people
You deserve safe spaces to speak your truth.
One of those spaces is my Shake Off the Shame Masterclass coming up July 23rd.
It's free and there is a 7-day replay!
July 13, 2026
5 Lies Shame Wants You to Believe: #4 | I have to fix myself before I’m worthy of connection
Notice where you are waiting to be ready.
We will work with this directly in the Shake Off the Shame Masterclass on July 23.
July 8, 2026
5 Lies Shame Wants You to Believe: #3 | My feelings are too much
Join me July 23rd for a deeper dive into
how to interrupt shame and reclaim self-trust.
July 6, 2026
5 Lies Shame Wants You to Believe: #2 | If I were better, this wouldn't have happened
Join me July 23rd for a deeper dive into
how to interrupt shame and reclaim self-trust.
July 4, 2026
5 Lies Shame Wants You to Believe: #1 | You are the problem
If you're ready to understand and begin releasing shame-based thinking, join me July 23rd for my free masterclass, Shake Off the Shame.
July 2, 2026
Shattering the Silence: The Courage to Let Go and Live Forward
I recently had the great joy of connecting with Darlene Lekowski this past February, and I was immediately struck by her warmth, courage, and big-hearted presence. Darlene is an Amazon #1 best-selling author, speaker, and business leader who has transformed decades of silence into a powerful platform for truth, healing, and advocacy.
After more than fifty years of silence surrounding the Sibling S*xual Trauma and Abuse she endured in childhood, she made the life-changing decision to step into her truth and share her story publicly - ultimately prevailing in a civil lawsuit brought against her by her own brother. Her memoir, Shattering Silence: A Story of Survival, Justice and the Power of Telling the Truth, is an Amazon Best Seller in multiple categories and is also available as an audiobook in her own voice.
One of the things I love most from her work is a simple but powerful truth she shares: the secret is now hers to own, and own it she has.
I’m so grateful to introduce her and her story to you here.
---
RACHEL: What inspired you to start writing about/exploring this topic?
DARLENE: At 58 years old, I won a defamation civil lawsuit against one of my two oldest brothers who s*xually assaulted me from the ages of 7 to 12 in attempt to silence me again.
I counter-sued him for the same and on February 5, 2024, a unanimous jury in less than one hour decided I was telling the truth, my brother was lying and I won both cases. But I was still angry and bitter and knew I needed to heal more.
So I went fully public on Siblings Day April 2024 and that October is when I started writing Shattering Silence. I did this to not only heal me but create a path so that I may help others along their journey.
RACHEL: What key insights or lessons have you learned through your experiences with this subject?
DARLENE:
When Survival Becomes a Cage
For decades, I measured safety by control. If I could outthink every situation, I could keep the chaos of my childhood from repeating itself. But control is not the same as peace.
When you live your life constantly fighting unseen enemies, everyone starts to look like an opponent - even the people who love you. My silence and fear built a prison that looked, from the outside, like success. I had a career, a family, and a life that most would call enviable. Inside, I was still that little girl begging to be believed.
In court, the weight of half a century of fear met the light of truth. The jury believed me. I won. I thought victory would feel like peace, but it didn't. The anger, shame, and bitterness I'd buried didn't dissolve with the verdict. It began to leak out - especially toward those I loved most. That was when I understood: survival had carried me this far, but it could not take me home.
The Breaking Point
The lowest moment of my life wasn't in that courtroom - it was in a restaurant parking lot in Charleston, SC, when I hit my daughter in the head during a PTSD episode, thinking she was the brother who raped me.
That moment became my mirror. It allowed me to see that trauma doesn't end when the abuse stops - it ends only when we stop running from it.
What triggered it wasn't what was happening in front of me - it was what had happened fifty years earlier. My mind replayed a child's terror of abandonment; I believed, for an instant, that my daughter leaving her brother meant she was abandoning me as well and I'd lose her forever. I saw my brother's face where hers should have been. That day, I hit the person I loved most because I had never truly faced the depth of my pain. It shattered me. My daughter told me that unless I got real help, she couldn't have me in her life. And she was right.
Letting Go: The Second Act
The second act of my life began the day I chose to let go. Letting go meant more than forgiving my abusers or accepting the past. It meant dismantling the strategies that had once kept me alive but were now keeping me stuck: the obsession with control, the need to win at all costs, and the belief that silence equals safety.
Letting go meant surrendering the narrative that being strong meant being unbreakable. It meant learning that vulnerability isn't weakness - it's truth in motion. I started to release the emotional residue that clung to me like black tar: anger, shame, resentment, and bitterness.
All that weight wasn't about me anymore - it was about my brothers, about a history that no longer deserved ownership of my present. It was messy and painful. Healing always is. But once I began purging the darkness, light had somewhere to enter.
What It Means to "Live Forward"
Living Forward isn't just a slogan - it's a daily practice. It means waking up and choosing presence over fear, hope over control, faith over perfection.
It's not erasing the past; it's learning from it and refusing to let it dictate who you are today. To live forward, I had to cultivate seven inner tools that now define my healing mindset: Resilience, Optimism, Courage, Perseverance, Self-awareness, Self-help, and Hope.
These principles became my compass. They guided me away from shame and toward agency. They helped me rebuild relationships, especially with my husband, Tom - my "Viking," whose steadiness has helped me find my own.
Three Lessons in Letting Go
The Charleston Incident taught me that trauma left unhealed becomes transmitted pain. I realized that if I didn't surrender my rage, I would lose the people who mattered most. Finally leaving my first husband after years of trying showed me that I don't have to cling to what makes me small, just because I once believed that's all I deserved. I am worthy of peace, of kindness, and of more. And marrying my second husband, Tom, taught me that real love requires trust. The more I let go, the stronger and more joyful our marriage and my life became.
RACHEL: What challenges do you think people face when dealing with this topic and how can they overcome them?
DARLENE:
The Power of Speaking the Truth
There is no easy way to expose a terrible truth. To say I was s*xually abused by my brothers still makes my body tremble. Even the word incest still triggers me. But I learned something miraculous happens when you name your pain: it begins to lose its power. Every time I told someone, they believed me. That truth shattered fifty years of silence. It also connected me to an extraordinary community of survivors - through organizations like 5WAVES, A Brave Step, Thriving Survivors, SSTA Aware, Blue Borage, and AILA. These communities reminded me that I was truly never alone. They offered what trauma steals first - belonging.
RACHEL: Are there any common myths or misunderstandings about this topic that you'd like to address?
DARLENE:
The Myth of Closure
People often ask if I feel healed. My answer is always the same: healing is not a destination; it's a direction. There's no finish line where all the pain disappears. There's only the daily practice of choosing peace over bitterness, empathy over anger, forgiveness over control. Some days, I still stumble. I still get triggered. I still have weekly nightmares. But I no longer let those moments define me. They're reminders of how far I've come - and how committed I am to living forward. Silence and healing are intertwined = one imprisons you, the other sets you free.
Why Silence Hurts Us All
Silence doesn't protect families - it fractures them. It doesn't spare reputations - it destroys souls. For generations, families like mine believed that keeping secrets maintained dignity. What it actually maintained was pain. Every time a survivor breaks their silence, they don't just reclaim their own story - they create a ripple that invites others to do the same. That's how cultures change.
That Sibling Sexual Trauma and Abuse (SSTA) or Incest is Not Very Common and Only Happens in Poor Families
This notion couldn't be further from the truth. Childhood sexual abuse does not discriminate - it crosses every line of race, gender, income, education, and status, existing in every kind of family, including the ones that look the most "perfect" from the outside.
In fact, research indicates that 1 in 25 children are currently getting sexually abused by an older sibling. That's as common as a child in a classroom with a food allergy. Research also shows that SSTA is believed to be the most common form of intrafamilial child abuse in the world, yet it's the least talked about because survivors are so afraid. "If I tell, I will destroy my family. If I don't tell, I will destroy myself". And that's exactly what was happening to me until I went fully public. It's an incredibly difficult dynamic in addition to surviving the abuse.
RACHEL: What resources, tools, or next steps would you recommend for readers who want to dive deeper into this topic?
DARLENE: Remember, you are Not Alone. In my journey, I've encountered many SSTA and sexual abuse assistance organizations, many of which I currently volunteer for.
They are listed in the Resources section of my website: https://darlene-lekowski.com/resources/
Perhaps some of these Resources can help you in your journey as well.
Final Thought: Letting go doesn't mean forgetting. It means releasing the power that pain and that person once held over you. Each time I tell my story, I let go a little more. Each time another survivor tells theirs, the world becomes a little safer - and the silence shatters a little more. That's what it means to let go to live forward!!
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What stands out most for me in her story is the courage it takes to tell the truth not just once, but over and over again, especially when silence has been the survival strategy for so long. There is something profoundly powerful in the way she names both the devastation of what happened and the complexity of what healing actually requires afterward.
I am especially moved by her honesty that winning in court did not automatically create peace. That truth matters, because so many people assume healing should be linear or immediate once validation arrives. Her story gently disrupts that myth and reminds us that the deeper work is what comes after truth is spoken - learning to release control, soften survival strategies, and choose “living forward” one moment at a time.
I also deeply respect Darlene's clarity that silence does not protect families - it fractures them. Her voice is part of that larger breaking open that helps others feel less alone and more able to speak.
To healing,
Rachel
P.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self Session.
RESOURCE OF THE MONTH
UPCOMING EVENTS
brought to you in partnership with CPTSD Foundation
As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we bring certain issues to our intimate relationships. Some of the issues that complicate intimate relationships for us are power, control, trust, and self-esteem. This month, we will explore patterns in our intimate relationships that have a lot to do with our childhood abuse.
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June 29, 2026
8 Things Survivors Need to Stop Apologizing For | Part 8 | Healing Slowly
Healing is layered. Slow healing is still healing.
What are you learning to be more patient with? #beyondsurviving #healingsexualtrauma #stopapologizing #yourownpace
June 26, 2026
8 Things Survivors Need to Stop Apologizing For | Part 7 | Prioritizing Your Peace
Protecting your peace is not selfish. It's wisdom your nervous system earned the hard way.
What helps you protect your peace?
#beyondsurviving #healingsexualtrauma #stopapologizing #rest
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