Releasing the Shame in Trauma - Part 1

In week one of this four-week series, Janine Naus, explains how shame can hold us back. She also shares how putting yourself first can create a happier life, through the art of self-care.

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Thank you for joining me for this life changing blog series. I’m Janine Naus and I am a Grief and Trauma Relief Spiritual Life Coach. I support women in grief due to trauma so they can stop suffering and be able to more easily navigate their healing process. In this blog series, we will explore shame and its effect on our lives. As a trauma survivor myself, feeling shame has played a huge role throughout my life. Unfortunately, we often don’t talk about shame which is one of the main reasons it festers and grows. Since overcoming my feelings of shame I’ve made it my mission and passion in life to help others stop suffering. I give you the tools and support you need so you can begin to move towards living a life of joy and peace.

Throughout this blog series, we’ll talk about shame, how it impacts our world and how we can use it to transform our lives. So let’s go ahead and start:

How Does Shame Impact Self-Care?

Trauma survivors are all too familiar with feelings of shame. If we want to take steps where we practice self-care, we must move away from shame and towards self-love. Those who routinely perform self-care also feel worthy and valuable. This means self-care and self-worth are intricately connected.

What is Self-Care?

Self-care is exactly what it sounds like - taking care of yourself. This can and does mean different things to different people.  I break down self-care into two categories, primary and secondary. Within primary would be basic hygiene and life maintenance. For example: 

●      Bathing,

●      Washing your hair,

●      Brushing your teeth,

●      Getting restorative sleep,

●      Nourishing your body,

●      Incorporating fitness into your life,

●      Attending regular doctor visits, and

●      Keeping your home and belongings clean and in good repair, etc.  

The secondary category would include things like:

 

●      Self-soothing rituals such as journaling or meditating,

●      Creating time for rest and reflection,

●      Taking time off for vacation, as well as other self-care activities like massages, manicures, reiki, etc. 

For many survivors, self-care falls by the wayside because of how well you care for yourself is largely determined by your health and mental well-being. When stuck in the cycle of shame, our health and well-being suffer dramatically. Conversely, when you’re ready to stop suffering and start living a life of fulfillment, clarity, ease, gratitude and joy, you are inherently committing to self-care. If feelings of shame overcome us, we don’t feel like taking care of ourselves, so how do we move out of this cycle?

How To Put Yourself First

“Put the oxygen mask on yourself first – then you can help others.” When you fly on an airplane, the flight attendant provides this safety warning before each flight. What a great metaphor for self-care!

It's in a woman’s nature to take care of others, to be selfless, to give. If we get so busy putting others first then we’ll forget about ourselves. In fact, caring for you is essential when healing from trauma. You are your own healer. Until we take self-care seriously, we’re unable to take care of others.

The first step is in understanding that performing self-care will help us move through shame. It is essential to perform self-care, even if you don’t feel like it or don’t feel that you deserve it or it makes you feel ‘selfish’ when it comes to self-care. Remember that giving yourself time for self-care isn’t selfish - it's an act of self-love. You are responsible for your life and taking care of yourself.

When you are in your flow, you’re in your ‘now’ moment, which is your authentic self. This happens when you put yourself first, activating energies of self-love, self-appreciation and honoring yourself.

Know that it is possible to move through and overcome your feelings of shame. 

There are 4 steps that will help you to move through shame and build your resilience:  

1.     Practice self-care

2.     Understand what triggers feelings of shame for you

3.     Develop positive strategies for processing and coping with triggers

4.     Don’t allow shame to flourish by keeping secrets - share your story with a trusted person in a safe environment

The last point really resonates with me. Shame grows with secrets, silence and judgment.  And according to vulnerability researcher and author of 5 New York Times Bestsellers, Dr. Brené Brown, empathy is shame’s antidote. One strategy you can use to increase empathy is to treat yourself like you’d treat someone you love. Be aware of how you treat yourself and make the positive switch in your everyday life.

What Happens Next?

Well, in the next blog in this series about shame, we’ll look at how shame can make us feel like we’re not good enough in life.  See you there!

Shame is just one of the topics covered in my Stop Suffering Now group program.  If you’re ready to stop suffering now and start feeling relief, I invite you to a complimentary 30-minute call to see if Stop Suffering Now is the right next step for you. 

Click here to schedule your 30-minute Healing Discovery Call.

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Janine Naus is an internationally recognized Grief and Trauma Relief Specialist, Certified Life, Spiritual and Energetic Coach, a Certified Calm, Accepting, Resilient & Empathetic (CARE) Trauma Practitioner and a #1 International Best Selling Author. Janine works with women who are suffering and stuck in grief due to trauma and supports them on their journey to a fulfilling and joyful life.

Janine’s clients benefit from her decades of experience, her broad range of coaching and support tools and her empathetic nature. Her blog posts have garnered thousands of dedicated followers and is a sought after expert on trauma. Janine lives in Chesapeake Beach, MD.