This week, Rick shares about his experience being totally stuck and convinced he'd never heal and the most critical first step he took that changed everything.
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The following is adapted from Resilient People, Rick's inspiring story of his journey through the recovery process.
When you’re an abuse survivor, healing can seem like some far-away dream that’s possible for others, but not for you. For so long, I believed I would never heal.
In fact, I didn’t even have “healing” as a concept in my mind. I thought, “This is the way I am, and this is the way I’ll always be.” When my self-destructive lifestyle finally took me to rock bottom, I had to conclude that something was not right. The pain got so severe that my choices seemed to be either suicide or do something very, very different.
Here’s what I discovered in that lowly place: the only obstacle to healing—both yours and mine— is the mind. I believed that I was stuck, and so I remained stuck.
People who have experienced abuse may have a mentality that expects the worst. I know I did. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop—and it always did.
Your life can move in a better direction when you shift that mindset to one of resiliency and tell yourself, “I can and will heal. I don't know how, but I will begin this journey.”
That was the critical first step: opening myself up to the idea that I could be healed.
When I did that, positive messages and strategies started coming in my direction, and for once, I didn’t reject them. Instead, I started to listen closely and bring them in.
When you make a commitment to heal, you open yourself up to good gifts from within. Instead of saying, “This is horrible,” you look around and say, “This is beautiful.”
Your heart becomes more open to acts of kindness and compassion. That sets you up for a wonderful exchange, because when you extend kindness, you experience kindness in return. More and more good will begin to flow towards you.
This is a choice you must make; you must genuinely commit yourself to do the hard work of healing. However, it’s not a choice you need to make alone.
Deep inside each one of us, there is a spark that will always be connected to goodness and truth. Some people call this the Holy Spirit; some people call it a Divine Presence; some people recognize the spark simply as an innate desire to heal and love.
It is this spark which makes us resilient, which makes it possible for us to heal.
There’s the story of a Rwandan orphan, Justus Uwayesu, who lived in a garbage dump in Kigali. He scrounged for food and slept with three other children in a burned-out car.
When he encountered an aid worker at age nine, he hadn’t bathed for a year. The other children she approached scattered, but Justus stood his ground and told her he wanted to go to school. She was able to help him. Years later, his story was published in The New York Times after he got a full-tuition scholarship to attend Harvard. The Times wrote, “He is an example of the potential buried even in humanity’s most hopeless haunts, and a sobering reminder of how seldom it is mined.”
That’s resilience. Your mind may dwell in the equivalent of a garbage dump. That’s certainly where mine used to be, but it doesn’t have to stay there. This young boy Justus listened to the spark inside of him—the spark of hope and of his potential.
That spark is always waiting for us to listen. When we do, it becomes possible to relearn the truth of who we are: we were created by a bountiful and giving Divine presence, and we each carry the Divine within us. When I began to listen to that spark, I was able to wake up to wonder and beauty. It had always surrounded me, but I’d never seen it.
Listen to that spark: you have the power within you to heal. You did nothing wrong. You were innocent. You were a loving, beautiful, trusting child. That trust was shattered, and that was not your fault. Know that you are resilient, and that you have the power to heal.
Maybe that feels hard to believe. I’ve listened to plenty of people who don't know there's a way out—but that’s why I want to share my story with you. I came from horrible abuse, yet I healed. I'm now living a productive life in a fabulous relationship. Rather than expecting bad to flood my way, I expect good things. A sign hanging in my office reads, “Nothing without joy.” It reminds me that it is my divine right to have joy in my life.
Of course, it took me a long time before I believed that. But I got there, and so can you.
For more advice on healing from abuse, you can find Resilient People on Amazon.
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Rick Huttner is a survivor of physical and sexual abuse who now works passionately to spread the message that all abuse survivors can heal. His own healing process began after decades of alcohol abuse, dysfunctional relationships, and a volatile career—all of which were influenced by the buried pain of his childhood trauma. Finally unburdened by his past, Rick now lives a joyful, productive, loving life. He founded the Resilient People initiative to help other abuse survivors, and he regularly shares his story at speaking engagements and abuse-awareness workshops. He can be booked through his website, www.resilientpeople.us.
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