The Imposition of the Narcissistic Parent: A Hidden Volcano - Part 1

This article is the first of a series of four, in which our guest, Rivka Edery, will discuss the relationship between the fear of authority figures resulting from narcissistic (devoid of empathy, selfish, exceedingly arrogant, liar, empty self-obsession) parenting and how this leads to an "internal volcano" just waiting to erupt!


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Like a dutiful army: thoroughly trained, well-organized, confident in their mission, poised and ready to do battle, the unconscious and its multitude of defenses, are always on the edge of the battlefield.  

All that is needed is a similar trigger to the original wound, and without a supervisory commanding general, the army will drag the Authority Figure into battle. Even if the battlefield is just in the adult child’s mind.  

Neurotransmitters, chemicals and hormones, are the artillery and there is an unlimited supply. The nervous system, partnered with one’s thoughts, become the active duty military, ensuring that the mission is dramatic and targeted.  

The Authority Figure, perhaps a narcissist, or perhaps just a figment of the projector’s fearful past, represents a fantastic opportunity for the interested learner. It is on this exact battlefield that personal histories are re-wired in the brain, and the existing army is trained into a less frightened, reactive, and self-nurturing team.

Any unprocessed, unresolved memory can be triggered, by a person, event, or randomly, with the emotions that were birthed at the time of the original event.  The person re-experiences it as they did in the past, not with the aide and wisdom of their current age. Because the emotions have been in a time-capsule; frozen and stored far away from their conscious memory, triggers are an extremely powerful phenomenon.  

It is about a fear or pain suddenly awakened from a deep slumber. Like a hungry, angry, tired, lonely sleeping giant, it feeds off whatever is unresolved.  

Like old radio signal waves that never die down, narcissistic parenting is a deep and profound wound, with multiple serious side-effects. 

An authority figure, especially one that bears close resemblance to one’s original narcissistic parent, can awaken an area of much-needed discovery in a person.  The discovery begins with an acknowledged issue with authority figures.  

Here are some sample questions: 

1) What specifically triggers me? (HINT: What are the thoughts I am telling myself about this person?)  

2) When I am triggered, what awakened memory am I fighting NOT to feel? (HINT: Allow yourself to sift through them as you would a pile of dirt, with hidden diamonds. “Pulling out” the diamonds in the rough, examining them under the light of love and consciousness, will allow for a less electrified reaction next time).

3) What have I found that is related to my narcissistic parent, being projected on to this person? (HINT: if it’s hysterical, it is historical, something awakened that was previously asleep, and in pain.)

I venture to guess that a vast majority of childhood suffering, the kind that eats away at the adult’s soul, fueling a lifetime of hide-and-go-seek, defending, fighting and struggling to be comfortable with intimacy, courage and vulnerability – potentially has some roots in a cruel upbringing, void of empathy, and driven by mind-games.  

The first step in any exploration, is usually done with anticipation, preparation, doubt, research, or impulsively, as some examples. 

The most important part of it is to take the first step, however tentatively. Why? Because the journey becomes easier, more familiar, less daunting; affording us breadcrumbs and confidence, to plant our own flags, symbolizing our personal inner discoveries and triumphs.  

When we venture forth on new territory within ourselves, examining areas of intense reactivity, we are courageously stepping closer to our inner volcano.  What is inside it? What sets it off, and does the Unconscious Army take charge without your consent?  



Read Part 2, where I investigate the mysterious underground volcano, as it pertains to authority figures, narcissistic parenting, and your role in all of this.


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Rivka A. Edery, Psy.D. (Candidate), M.S.W., L.C.S.W., (RivkaEdery.com) is a highly intuitive licensed clinical social worker specializing in trauma recovery and spirituality. Her books include Trauma and Transformation: A 12-Step Guide and Hear Me Sing, Book I. Since 2009, she has been working as a psychotherapist, assisting clients who are recovering from trauma-related disorders. She has assisted trauma survivors in achieving safety, reducing their troublesome symptoms, increasing their competencies, to review and reappraise their trauma memories, and consolidate their gains by learning and applying new behavioral, emotional, physical and spiritual skills. The focus is a very positive one, encouraging her clients to adapt a more loving, empathic, and honorable understanding of themselves.  

For a full list of her publications, credentials, and ways to get in contact with Rivka Edery, please visit her website at http://www.rivkaedery.com

Are Your Inner Dialogues Killing You?

This week, Annie Addington wraps up her series by letting us see exactly how the Ego, Lower Self, and Mask dialogue with each other and how we can move through this dialogue to access our Higher Self.

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We have to do more than survive. We have to work on ourselves. We must explore our miraculous Beings!  

SO, in the last entry, we discussed three levels of Being: the Higher Self, The Lower Self and the Mask, and how important it is to become conscious of these three levels. 

I’d like to discuss how these levels connect. Let’s see what we can look out for in our thought processes. Raising consciousness takes nothing less than observing your own thought process.  

First of all, these are not three DISTINCT layers. They interact with one another; the boundaries are not set. As we are living, moving beings, all of these energy levels are active and in flux. So, it can be tricky!  

We are dealing with layers of energy within layers of energy, in fact.

When we can face our Lower Self impulses with courage, optimism and humility, we will really get to know it, and then be able to shed all the masks in the covering layers. When you do this, it is in fact, your Higher Self making this possible, it is a Higher Self motive that urges you to do the work.  

Journaling is one of the best ways to get to know yourself and your rhythms. It is fascinating to "follow your path". I can, even today, after so many years, look back and learn from my writings.  

I will give you an example of some inner dialogue between the selves. We will include the ego, the function that mediates between the inner and outer worlds.  We will look at the voice of the Positive Ego, and the Negative Ego.

The Positive Ego is the voice that works in service of the Higher Self and the Negative Ego works in service of the Lower Self.   

Let’s set the stage.  

Remember. The true nature of the Lower Self is that of a controlling, calculating, ruthless and manipulative tyrant, who will do anything to get its way.  

Inner Dialogue: 

Lower Self:  
"You’re  nothing at all! Look at you! No one will ever want you! You’ve been used. You’re dirty! Disgusting! Go sleep in the gutter where you belong! You’re ugly. Fat!"

Mask: 
(Big smile). "Hey! I’m doing great, no complaints! I’m just really busy. It’s all good."   

Negative Ego: 
(in service of the Lower Self).  "I’m so tired of everything. I just want to give up. Nothing ever works out for me. I’m too tired to work on myself." 

Positive Ego:  
(The positive ego is a teacher of sorts; in service of the Higher Self). "You are being so cruel to yourself. This is the pain talking. Don’t let it take over. You know how to rise out of the ashes. You’ve done it before and you have the ability to do it now." 

Higher Self:  
"You are Love. You are Light. You are beautiful beyond measure."  


So, a lot of the work is finding the voice of the Positive Ego, because that is the voice that can lead you out of the mire and into the Light.  

It’s really exciting to get to know yourself. You are always WAY MORE than you know. Always. Every day.  

I want to share something about the Higher Self. John P once said, "When you feel the sweetness, in yourself or others, that’s the Higher Self."  

I used these words many times to work on my judgments. I remember the first time. I was riding a subway in Berlin, Germany at night, with some, well, interesting characters. I found myself judging a man who was standing holding on to the pole. He looked absolutely "yukky" to me, if that gives you an idea. 

I remembered John’s words, and I said to myself, "There is a sweetness in this man that you are not seeing." I will never forget that moment, because that man transformed in front of my eyes. I saw it. I saw his sweetness and his Higher Self.

I hope you try it. It’s like magic!  

Well, I will close now, but I’m very excited to share that I will have a CD finished and out by the end of the summer. It is called "In a Midnight Wind" and consists of jazz standards, Brazilian songs and some originals.  

Then next step is to complete the work on an album of all original songs, called Songs of Body and Soul (including Sexual Tears). I plan to have that out by the Fall.  

I have been asked to write the script for a solo performance, using my original songs and my story.  

I am in the process of creating an online Women’s Group for survivors and also developing my work as an ELI-MP (Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner). The goal is to raise consciousness for leaders in business, giving an assessment that measures energy levels and allows for a deeper understanding of the dynamics in their work and with their employees.

I have very much enjoyed writing for Rachel’s blog. I felt that I was talking to my sisters and brothers. And I was.  

In love, Annie

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My life has been filled with constant change. I survived and rose from the ashes of childhood abuse, an ever-hungry and curious spirit, seeking growth, knowledge and change.

My first time in college, I was a theater major. I had been acting for several years in Community theater and in Summer Stock, where I played Luisa, (the Girl) in the Fantastiks, for instance. After two years at UCONN, I received an award for my acting, and thought I was to become a great actress, so I left school and moved to NYC, where I studied acting at Herbert Berghof Studios. But, it was 1967 and an influx of Love and Consciousness was happening. Woodstock!! Music!!! Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll!

So off I went, into a new world. The abuse that I experienced in my childhood went very deep and I experienced all of the after effects of this violation. Depression, anxiety, promiscuity and parties.

In 1978, I found the Pathwork and Core Energetics and my life turned around. I entered into deep studies and personal work with amazing teachers.

I moved to Amsterdam in 1981, where there was a strong Pathwork, with the idea of living in Europe for one year. I reconnected with my ex-husband, whom I had met at the Pathwork Center. We co-founded an institute in Germany in which we worked with and trained people to further the teachings of John and Eva Pierrakos, to explore the depths of oneself; one's thought processes, one's physical condition and one's feelings.

In the Institute, we also gave teachings of the different character structures, the feelings associated with them, their beginnings and their effects on self and others in the form of communication, transferences and counter-transferences, i.e. a deep approach to enhanced Emotional Intelligence and the level of exchange it can elicit.

My son, Christian was born in 1984, in Holland, where I was living.

I was longing to work with people, to teach, to raise consciousness, so I did my certifications as a Coach and ELI-MP through iPEC Coaching, where all the values of my earlier training and exciting new ways of looking at the work became alive again. I signed up right away.

So now, the Core Energy Coaching Process from iPEC Coaching and the experience I gained from my studies and work in Core Energetics, meet, as one.

This is my commitment to be of service to others; I am excited, a child in awe, to see others rise and grow…to contribute to the healing process of others. I

I am planning an online women’s group where survivors can grow together, and I look so forward to reignite this process.

I also am singing and preparing my CDs for distribution. The End/The Beginning

Learn more at http://quantumtransitions.com/

The Core Self, The Ego, The Mask: Understanding the Levels of Change

This week, Annie Addington shares how we can remove the mask and ego so we can access the core self and use the energetics of change to support ourselves in our healing.

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So, I taught music and drama for many years. I needed to work in NYC for a period of 10 years in order to gain the benefits that I would need to support myself in later life.

Then, one day…..

I was having dinner, a lovely French dinner in NYC with some friends from Germany. The waiter came and poured Medoc into my glass by mistake. I looked at my friends and said, "I think I’ll just drink this now."  

My friend, who was a doctor, said, "I think you can probably drink now." Yay, said my lower self!!

Less than one year after that glass of wine, I found myself again in an abusive relationship with a drummer from Africa, 26 years my junior. I married him. 

WE MUST BEWARE! BEWARE OF A FOOLISH HEART. 

I did find my way out of that, and of course stopped drinking, but not without experiencing the learned helplessness that once again made me feel that I could NOT get out. It took time. 

If you look at the after effects of abuse, you have to realize that they will continually arise. 

The way out is the way through. 

By deep work to raise our consciousness, by understanding more and more deeply how this darkness tries to bring us down, we can rise and conquer.  

Conquer what? Conquer, through knowledge, through understanding of our experiences, the idea that we are at the effect of outer circumstances and rise with the knowledge of our absolute power to CREATE the Life we desire.

So, let me share some of the teachings that saved my life, that opened my mind and showed me how to understand that thing called, "Self". 

I just mentioned that my lower self was so happy to think that it could drink again. So, what’s a lower self? 

In the Pathwork, one of the first things that we learn is that there is a CORE in each being, a Center of Right Energy, where the Higher Self abides. That is the essence that we all have, that is bright, that is vibrating at a high frequency, that is, as some would say, Spirit. That is where Love and absolute creativity lie. 

Many understand the concept that we have many levels of energy. In the Pathwork, it was explained this way; imagine a large circle with a smaller circle within it, and another circle inside that. The inner circle would represent the higher self. The Core. The circle around it is the lower self. 

"The lower self consists not only of the common faults and the individual weaknesses that vary with each person, but also of ignorance and laziness. It hates to change and conquer itself; it has a very strong will that may not always manifest itself and wants its way without paying the price. It is very proud and selfish, and always has a great deal of personal vanity. It is the ego with all its manifestations." ~The Higher Self, The Lower Self and the Mask, Pathwork Guide, Lecture No. 14 | October 11, 1957.

Then the outermost layer is the Mask. In the lectures, the Guide says, "the sickly, sweet smell of the Mask." 

The mask is created because the feelings and actions of the lower self are not acceptable, so, the person creates a Mask Self. 

You all know the feeling, I am sure, of seeing someone coming at you with a great big smile, and you feel completely creeped out, because the other energy is alive and well under that smile. And it’s downright scary!

That is a perfect example of the Mask covering the lower self. 

Eva told us that, "All negativity is a defense against pain." So, in a sense the lower self was a protective layer. In fact, she taught us that everyone’s lower self was exactly the same, with the same emotions, i.e. your jealousy is the same as my jealousy. BUT, our Higher Selves are all unique.  

So much of the work begins with separating these voices and becoming aware of how these aspects are alive in you. We must become conscious of our very thoughts and thought patterns. 

Then, the mask can be confronted, the lower self revealed, the energies that live there released, and the pain will come and flow and the heart will open. I have seen it many, many times. 

In iPEC, where I did my coaching certifications, there are 7 levels of energy. All of the above can fit, as well, but the most important part of it, is that, for instance, in Level 1, that is where we find the Victim. That is the lowest vibration. It is the place where we are the effect of life and not at the cause. It is called catabolic energy, because only catabolic hormones are released.  Cortisol, adrenaline. 

Level 2, energy is characterized by conflict, with the core emotion being anger. This energy contains thinking of antagonism, struggle, resistance, frustration, and defiance.

Again, Level 2 is catabolic energy. 

However, it is a HIGHER level of energy and a way to move up the spectrum. 

That is what was happening when we, in the Pathwork, released the feelings in the lower self, showed them to others as they were, let our rage flow. 

The rage, or hate, or whatever negative energy that is there, is a defense.  There is always pain underneath.

For those of us who have been abused, I deeply believe that it is necessary to release the rage, the outrage and then, and only then can the tears flow unhindered, and hearts will open, and healing will take place. 

Even deciding to do this work brings one up to Level 3, which is the beginning of anabolic energy. Self-responsibility takes place. 

There are more levels as described in the Core Energy Process, but this can give you an idea of what kind of healing work is possible.  

Read Part 4: Are Your Inner Dialogues Killing You?

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My life has been filled with constant change. I survived and rose from the ashes of childhood abuse, an ever-hungry and curious spirit, seeking growth, knowledge and change.

My first time in college, I was a theater major. I had been acting for several years in Community theater and in Summer Stock, where I played Luisa, (the Girl) in the Fantastiks, for instance. After two years at UCONN, I received an award for my acting, and thought I was to become a great actress, so I left school and moved to NYC, where I studied acting at Herbert Berghof Studios. But, it was 1967 and an influx of Love and Consciousness was happening. Woodstock!! Music!!! Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll!

So off I went, into a new world. The abuse that I experienced in my childhood went very deep and I experienced all of the after effects of this violation. Depression, anxiety, promiscuity and parties.

In 1978, I found the Pathwork and Core Energetics and my life turned around. I entered into deep studies and personal work with amazing teachers.

I moved to Amsterdam in 1981, where there was a strong Pathwork, with the idea of living in Europe for one year. I reconnected with my ex-husband, whom I had met at the Pathwork Center. We co-founded an institute in Germany in which we worked with and trained people to further the teachings of John and Eva Pierrakos, to explore the depths of oneself; one's thought processes, one's physical condition and one's feelings.

In the Institute, we also gave teachings of the different character structures, the feelings associated with them, their beginnings and their effects on self and others in the form of communication, transferences and counter-transferences, i.e. a deep approach to enhanced Emotional Intelligence and the level of exchange it can elicit.

My son, Christian was born in 1984, in Holland, where I was living.

I was longing to work with people, to teach, to raise consciousness, so I did my certifications as a Coach and ELI-MP through iPEC Coaching, where all the values of my earlier training and exciting new ways of looking at the work became alive again. I signed up right away.

So now, the Core Energy Coaching Process from iPEC Coaching and the experience I gained from my studies and work in Core Energetics, meet, as one.

This is my commitment to be of service to others; I am excited, a child in awe, to see others rise and grow…to contribute to the healing process of others. I

I am planning an online women’s group where survivors can grow together, and I look so forward to reignite this process.

I also am singing and preparing my CDs for distribution. The End/The Beginning

Learn more at http://quantumtransitions.com/

Escaping the Trap of Learned Helplessness

This week, Annie Addington explores how we find ourselves trapped by behaviors and reenacting old stories in the hopes of new endings.

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So, I was teaching, I was working deeply with people, I was singing, I was writing songs, BUT, during this time, I, myself, was undergoing more symptoms of my own abuse. I had married a man who could not be faithful. Ever. The pain was great and I drank to "kill the pain". Of course, the drinking, as always, caused more pain, more shame, and I hurt those that I loved. The dynamic of learned helplessness was also present.

"'Learned helplessness' is behavior that occurs when the subject endures repeatedly painful or otherwise adverse stimuli which it is unable to escape from or avoid. After such experiences, the organism often fails to learn or accept 'escape' or 'avoidance' in new situations where such behavior is likely to be effective. In other words, the organism learned that it is helpless. In situations where there is a presence of adverse stimuli, it has accepted that it has lost control and thus gives up trying." ~Wikipedia

  

This feeling of helplessness, or loss of control in life, is a deep-seated cause of depression. The statement is, "There’s no use."

This occurs when we as children are dependent upon adults, some of whom are abusing us, and, of course, as children we truly are dependent upon them. Therefore, the feeling of helplessness is very deep. 

This is compounded when the child attempts to tell a parent or another adult, and they are not believed. In my case, I tried once, and was laughed at. I told my mother that he had "kissed" me. Testing it out. She laughed and turned to my stepfather and said, "Puppy Love". I then waited until I was 18 to break the news. 10 years. 

In my years as therapist, I found that the deepest pain appeared to be the betrayal of the mother, the mother who did not believe or act upon the information. So many were in denial and, out of their own dependency, allowed the abuse to happen. That is abetting. 

I never believed that I could ever get away from this pain. This feeling, this traumatic misunderstanding becomes embodied, frozen, and in so doing, opens the door to more of the same. 

"You have no idea how preoccupied your subconscious is with the process of reenacting the play, so to speak, only hoping that 'this time it will be different.' And it never is! As time goes on, each disappointment weighs heavier and your soul becomes more and more discouraged.

For those of you who have not yet reached certain depths of your unexplored subconscious, this may sound quite preposterous and contrived. However, those of you who have come to see the power of your hidden trends, compulsions, and images will not only readily believe it, but will soon experience the truth of these words in their own personal lives. You already know from other findings how potent are the workings of your subconscious mind, how shrewdly it goes about its destructive and illogical ways."

Compulsion to Recreate and Overcome Childhood Hurts, a Pathwork Guide Lecture, Eva Pierrakos, Lecture No. 73, November 11, 1960. 

On top of the work in the groups and the Institute, I had my music career of sorts. I spent three years in collaboration with the Russian Rock Band. There was an endless supply of vodka and champanska. It became clear that alcohol was causing a recreation of feelings of shame and deep lack of self-worth. I could go on stage, but inside, I felt empty, a nothing. A loser.  

During these years, I wrote a lot of songs, personal songs, songs that told my story. I recorded them with the man who had worked together with me on the music. 

We performed these songs in Berlin, receiving a lot of recognition and good reviews. I was getting ready to heal. The alcohol was my saboteur. 

I had to grab the bull by the horns. I called my ex-husband and asked him if he would care for our son for a period of six months. My work was to stop drinking completely. I was able to go to lots of meetings and once again, I was in my power.

In 1997, I returned to the States, sober, with $800. I had stopped taking new clients throughout the year, so that I would not leave anyone with no warning. I completed all my contracts and then set sail. Because I had no spousal support, I was living on the edge financially, but I was driven. 

I was lucky to be able to work at the Pathwork Center and teach in Helpership Training there. The Center went through a major financial crisis and had to file for bankruptcy. 

I had entered my son in a Quaker School about an hour and a half away, so I moved with him to that area and became a Music and Drama Teacher in order to have my son go to this amazing school. Because I taught there, it was free. So, Teacher Time started.  

Read Part 3: The Core Self, The Ego, The Mask: Understanding the Levels of Change

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My life has been filled with constant change. I survived and rose from the ashes of childhood abuse, an ever-hungry and curious spirit, seeking growth, knowledge and change.

My first time in college, I was a theater major. I had been acting for several years in Community theater and in Summer Stock, where I played Luisa, (the Girl) in the Fantastiks, for instance. After two years at UCONN, I received an award for my acting, and thought I was to become a great actress, so I left school and moved to NYC, where I studied acting at Herbert Berghof Studios. But, it was 1967 and an influx of Love and Consciousness was happening. Woodstock!! Music!!! Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll!

So off I went, into a new world. The abuse that I experienced in my childhood went very deep and I experienced all of the after effects of this violation. Depression, anxiety, promiscuity and parties.

In 1978, I found the Pathwork and Core Energetics and my life turned around. I entered into deep studies and personal work with amazing teachers.

I moved to Amsterdam in 1981, where there was a strong Pathwork, with the idea of living in Europe for one year. I reconnected with my ex-husband, whom I had met at the Pathwork Center. We co-founded an institute in Germany in which we worked with and trained people to further the teachings of John and Eva Pierrakos, to explore the depths of oneself; one's thought processes, one's physical condition and one's feelings.

In the Institute, we also gave teachings of the different character structures, the feelings associated with them, their beginnings and their effects on self and others in the form of communication, transferences and counter-transferences, i.e. a deep approach to enhanced Emotional Intelligence and the level of exchange it can elicit.

My son, Christian was born in 1984, in Holland, where I was living.

I was longing to work with people, to teach, to raise consciousness, so I did my certifications as a Coach and ELI-MP through iPEC Coaching, where all the values of my earlier training and exciting new ways of looking at the work became alive again. I signed up right away.

So now, the Core Energy Coaching Process from iPEC Coaching and the experience I gained from my studies and work in Core Energetics, meet, as one.

This is my commitment to be of service to others; I am excited, a child in awe, to see others rise and grow…to contribute to the healing process of others. I

I am planning an online women’s group where survivors can grow together, and I look so forward to reignite this process.

I also am singing and preparing my CDs for distribution. The End/The Beginning

Learn more at http://quantumtransitions.com/

Letting Go of the Victim Label

It is with great joy that I introduce you this week to Annie Addington. We connected this past February and I knew right away that we were kindred spirits. Annie has been on this journey for decades and that means she has a wealth of knowledge and perspective about healing. In this first post, Annie shares a bit of her story and the importance of letting go of the "victim" label.

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I have been living with and through the effects of my childhood abuse for most of my life. Through deep work with exceptional teachers, however, I became conscious of the multiple processes that move me. I learned how to reach the part of me that was pure and unbroken, the part that knows Love and the holds the power to create. 

I am also a vocalist and a songwriter. I have written many songs. This is the first verse of one of them, and the beginning of the journey. 

Sexual Tears

I was 8 years old

When he said to me,

What a sweet little darlin’ you turned out to be

Come on over here; Let me show you somethin’,

Somethin’ I’m so sure you ain’t never had a hold of

He was 18, he was a man to me,

He was taller than the birches, taller than the trees

And lord knows, he loved Rock and Roll

I waited all night long to feel a piece of his soul

And now I’m cryin’ sexual tears, sexual tears,

Although my body’s achin’

I’ll never trust another man.

The abuse from my 18-year-old, 6’5” stepbrother lasted from the age of 8-13. In the meantime, my stepfather also attempted it; my girlfriend’s father took me into the basement to “show me what he was giving her for Christmas”, and later there were more and more incidences, my one-time Guru even ‘copped a feel’.  And later, the (multiple) boyfriends, the abusive husbands.

There are so many of us. It has happened to us in a myriad of ways.  We each have a unique experience, but the devastating effects are the same.   

Those effects are anxiety, anger, self-destructive behaviors, alcoholism or drugs, deep feelings of being betrayed, learned helplessness (a feeling of absolute powerlessness), a deeply damaged feeling of self-worth, and inabilities in creating a healthy relationship. Many, if not all of us, have recreated the trauma and experienced abuse in later life. 

In my work with women, I found that one of the most important paths to the way out is the de-identification with the ‘victim’,  be it conscious or unconscious. There is so much to uncover and so much to discover.  

The goal is to be centered in your Creative Consciousness, where you can create the Life you envision, no longer hindered by unconscious patterns. 

I truly believe that we create our adult life through our beliefs and our thoughts. But, in order to do that in a positive way, we have to get to know them, listen to them and understand them, because the unconscious thoughts and beliefs create as well. That is the process I am addressing. Getting to Know You.     

We WERE victimized as children, but the identification with the Victim is the ultimate sabotage.  It brings constant repetition of the trauma.  Healing demands a deep understanding of what and how you feel and why.

I want to share the process that will lead you out of this self -betraying dynamic, and my own struggle.    

First, let me tell you where I come from. You know about my abuse, but I want to share about my training, which involved Bodypsychotherapy, Helpership, and more recently, Coaching. 

First, I studied for four years under the tutelage of Dr. John C. Pierrakos and his wife, Eva Pierrakos. John P. had been a student of Wilhelm Reich (Character Analysis), and later in life, he worked together with Alexander Lowen in the development of a therapeutic method called Bioenergetics.

John later expanded on this work by creating CORE Energetics. CORE standing for the Center of Right Energy. In Core Energetics, one works through different levels of embodied emotions to reach the Core, where the True Self, Love and Absolute Creativity lives. 

This method was devised to help people, through body work and consciousness raising, to release the embodied emotions.

Embodiment of emotion. I like to look to Science for answers. 

“Recent theories of embodied cognition suggest new ways to look at how we process emotional information. The theories suggest that perceiving and thinking about emotion involve perceptual, somatovisceral, and motoric reexperiencing (collectively referred to as “embodiment”) of the relevant emotion in one's self”.

Science  18 May 2007:

Vol. 316, Issue 5827, pp. 1002-1005

DOI: 10.1126/science.1136930

Where the energy is blocked in the body, it is also unable to flow naturally in the emotional self, the intellect, and the spiritual self. Why? Because it’s all connected. 

Eva had delivered a series of lectures in trance. (She always told us not to focus on where it came from but rather, on the content itself.) So, the work of John P. dealt with the energy in the body, and the conceptual, deep study of psychology and human behavior came from the lectures of Eva. These lectures also offered a path of understanding where we have come from and where we can go.

It makes sense that when John read one of Eva’s lectures, he insisted on getting to know her and they fell in love and married. Their work together offered the greatest learning of my (long) life.  

Read Part 2: Escaping the Trap of Learned Helplessness

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My life has been filled with constant change. I survived and rose from the ashes of childhood abuse, an ever-hungry and curious spirit, seeking growth, knowledge and change.

My first time in college, I was a theater major. I had been acting for several years in Community theater and in Summer Stock, where I played Luisa, (the Girl) in the Fantastiks, for instance. After two years at UCONN, I received an award for my acting, and thought I was to become a great actress, so I left school and moved to NYC, where I studied acting at Herbert Berghof Studios. But, it was 1967 and an influx of Love and Consciousness was happening. Woodstock!! Music!!! Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll!

So off I went, into a new world. The abuse that I experienced in my childhood went very deep and I experienced all of the after effects of this violation. Depression, anxiety, promiscuity and parties.

In 1978, I found the Pathwork and Core Energetics and my life turned around. I entered into deep studies and personal work with amazing teachers.

I moved to Amsterdam in 1981, where there was a strong Pathwork, with the idea of living in Europe for one year. I reconnected with my ex-husband, whom I had met at the Pathwork Center. We co-founded an institute in Germany in which we worked with and trained people to further the teachings of John and Eva Pierrakos, to explore the depths of oneself; one's thought processes, one's physical condition and one's feelings.

In the Institute, we also gave teachings of the different character structures, the feelings associated with them, their beginnings and their effects on self and others in the form of communication, transferences and counter-transferences, i.e. a deep approach to enhanced Emotional Intelligence and the level of exchange it can elicit.

My son, Christian was born in 1984, in Holland, where I was living.

I was longing to work with people, to teach, to raise consciousness, so I did my certifications as a Coach and ELI-MP through iPEC Coaching, where all the values of my earlier training and exciting new ways of looking at the work became alive again. I signed up right away.

So now, the Core Energy Coaching Process from iPEC Coaching and the experience I gained from my studies and work in Core Energetics, meet, as one.

This is my commitment to be of service to others; I am excited, a child in awe, to see others rise and grow…to contribute to the healing process of others. I

I am planning an online women’s group where survivors can grow together, and I look so forward to reignite this process.

I also am singing and preparing my CDs for distribution. The End/The Beginning

Learn more at http://quantumtransitions.com/