This week, we conclude our series with Patrick Bennett. He shares with us some of his experiences telling friends and family about the abuse and navigating their responses and behaviors that followed.
---
OK so you have come forward about what was
inflicted on you be that to the authorities or just your family and friends,
you have gone through the worst of your therapies and are confident in
your abilities to recognize and make use of the awesome power you have
discovered within.
Life is good for you right now and you are moving
on with your life, the life you have dreamed about for so long with all the
freedom and aspirations of being just a normal human being. With this piece and
all that in mind I don’t want to rain on your parade but I just want to share
my experiences with you.
Let’s start with those closest to you, your
family and loved ones. I began to notice that there was a huge difference in
their behavior around me and it took me a while to figure out exactly what was
going on with them. I would walk into a room and their conversation would
change immediately and they would talk around subjects instead of open and
honestly. They changed their attitude towards everything church and religiously
oriented and they were blind to the fact that they were doing more harm than
good.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally understand
that every person is free to live their life as they wish, but they neglected to
give thought to the fact that they were causing me huge feelings of guilt and
shame. You see to me I was the only reason they did what they did and just like
I said in an earlier piece "It was not the place that abused me, it was a
person", and after many months of waiting for them to change while burying my increasing shame and guilt, I
finally decided that I could not take anymore guilt and so I sat them down and
finally addressed the elephant in the room.
It wasn’t easy by any means but by listening
to their worries and fears and openly sharing my inner most thoughts and feelings
we eventually got to a place where we both understood and respected the points
we were at in accepting, respecting and moving on from what I had brought to
light, and when I think about it now I have only one regret and that is that I
didn’t address the issue earlier for everyone’s sake.
As for workmates and more importantly
alleged friends, a lot of what I have already said applies to them too but with
a huge warning to be ready for the sometimes crass remark or statement. Let’s
face it, people are all different and what they deem innocent statements may be
extremely hurtful to you and yes there may be times when you suffer a huge
setback in your recovery process due to the careless comments of those you
thought would know better.
Then of course there may be the person in
your life that will say things to you or pass comments that are deliberately and
deeply hurtful. How you deal with these people is totally up to you! Personally
I suffered a couple of these encounters over the years and I will admit that at
first I was very angry and hurt by the things I was forced to listen to and
filled with this anger. I reacted very physically and vocally to these taunts, but overtime I began to realize that in fact the only person I was hurting was
myself, that these people and their way of thinking were more to be pitied than
anything else, and I felt sorry for them and their ignorance.
I really hope you will not have to worry
about any of these examples as you move on with your life, but no matter what I
urge you to always remain aware of the awesome power and strength you have not
only in you but that you have shown to the world by coming forward and seeking
justice for what you have had to endure. That you are an amazing person with
your whole life in front of you and you can be or do anything and everything you
put your mind to, provided of course that you yourself have to the best of your
ability left your past exactly where it belongs, in the past, and that you
accept that we cannot change either what has happened or what other people
think or do if you yourself are not the very best you can be. You are a
Survivor!!!
Stay safe and well,
Patrick
--
"The ruthless honesty of Mr. Bennett means that this is not a story with a sentimental and unambiguously happy ending. He is still on a journey that is sometimes difficult and painful, but he has shown remarkable courage, integrity and honesty and done the community a service by writing this extraordinary and valuable book."
No comments:
Post a Comment