We are all liars.
In the very moment that our trust is violated and we are abused, we have to make a decision – will we tell or will we cover it up.Most of us, because we are young when the abuse occurs, don’t even make this decision in a deeply insightful way. We simply know something about what has happened is bad and wrong, and you get in trouble for doing bad and wrong things – so we don’t tell.
This means that we sit down to breakfast with this huge thing happening that we can’t speak about. When asked if anything is wrong, we say, “I need more butter on my pancakes.”
Our word becomes more and more degraded over time.
Soon, we tell little lies out of habit rather than necessity.
This disconnection from what we say lining up with what is happening, what we are doing is what I call “a lack of integrity.”
Now, integrity is one of those words that usually makes people stiffen uneasily. It seems to be a word that connotes unachievable heights.
For me, though, integrity is simply saying what you mean, and meaning what you say – then following through with action to see to it that what you’ve given your word comes to fruition.
For example, don’t say, “I hate you, I’m never going to talk to you again” if you don’t mean it. If you do mean it, then do it! Don’t say, “We should get together for lunch sometime” unless you mean it. If you do mean it, then send an email or make a call to actually get a date on the calendar.
In the world of recovery, we hear a lot about building back our self-esteem, getting over the shame and guilt, forgiving, and a myriad of other areas that are affected by abuse.
Yet, the one area I’ve noticed doesn’t get addressed often is the impact of abuse on our ability to live authentic, integrous lives.
For too long, we have been disconnected from our voice as a way to restore integrity and to cut out the lying.
So, before we go any further, I want you to consider deeply what you are giving your word to these days, and what the impact is on you and others when you don’t follow through.
Don’t say “maybe” if you really mean “no.”
Don’t say, “I’ll call you” if you aren’t going to.
Try this week to not speak idly, but to honor your word.
It may seem scary, you may hesitate to conceive that your word, your voice could be powerful – but take this step and you’re on your way to living a life of integrity!
To reclaiming your voice,
RESOURCE OF THE MONTH
Want to do more of a dive deep on this topic? Check this out!
UPCOMING EVENTS
MAY 4th
3p-5p PT / 6p-8p ET
FREE
in partnership with Kerengende Foundation
From this workshop you will:
* Learn why and how fear and anxiety keep you immobilized and stuck so you will stop missing out on your life
* Identify your three core fears so that you can focus on the areas in your life that need transformation the most
* Gain a powerful tool for deflating anxiety so you can manage your fears and take action when needed
* Discover how to vanquish a fear in 4 easy steps
MAY 11th
3p-4:30p PT / 6p-7:30p ET
SLIDING SCALE $10-$25
in partnership with The Breathe Network
Silence is often uncomfortable. And yet for survivors of sexual abuse, silence is where we live. For many of us, we become captives to this silence because we are told out right: be quiet, keep this a secret, do not tell. Or maybe you’re like me, and you decided not to tell because you believed no one would understand or care anyway.
Either way – the outcome is the same. You find yourself day after day trying to be in relationships with friends, peers, lovers, spouses – but it just never feels quite right because there is a part of you that is hiding. And if you do find the courage to share your story, you’re met with denial, rationalization, people saying some really stupid shit that is even more hurtful.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. In this workshop, we’re going to talk about how we can have kick ass conversations about really shitty things.
From this workshop you will:
* Understand the 3 foundations for healthy conversations
* Gain a solid strategy that will help you develop a clear game plan for having a conversation
* Learn how to have kick ass conversations about really shitty things
Note the new time!!!
in partnership with CPTSD Foundation
MAY 8th
Anger
As survivors of childhood abuse, we can have an enormous amount of anger inside us. Anger is a healthy and natural response to abuse and exploitation.
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