It's an interesting thing --- being a coach. My life experiences, who I am, how I navigate my own relationships - well, it all becomes a part of the work I do with my clients.
Sometimes, this creates a bit of internal tension for me.
What do I share? What do I hold privately? How do I keep the focus on my clients while still using my own lived experiences to support them?
Lately, more and more of my clients are sharing with me about their struggles to be authentically themselves when it comes to their desires and identity.
One woman has always known she was bis*xual, but was afraid to tell her husband - worried it would end their relationship. One person is navigating an open relationship and all of the feelings and communication that come with that. One woman is feeling frustrated because her husband can't hold space for the idea that she could want to be with a woman. One male client needed support in normalizing his non-heteronormative fantasies.
In these sessions, I've been sharing my own experiences that relate to these struggles and the journey it's been to embrace myself, love myself, trust that my desires are my own and not born out of trauma. (I talk about that in more detail here).
I see the relief on their faces when they understand that they aren't broken or weird.
All of these conversations have got me thinking about how many more of my clients (or followers) might be feeling these things, struggling in these ways, but might be hesistant to broach the topics with me since for the most part I present as a heteros*xual woman in a monogamous relationship.
And while of course we don't have to identify in the exact same way in order to relate to another person, it just feels like the time is now for me to come out to my community more fully.
I am a bis*xual woman who is in an open relationship. My primary partner is a man. My secondary partner is a woman.
Damn - that feels great to say out loud!
What's really true is that there are people who have come before me who have inspired and encouraged me to come out: Glennon Doyle, Sarah Buino (check out her podcast below), and Ellen just to name a few. And I know that their stories helped me first personally claim these identities and now today to say, "If you really want to see me, know me, then you should know this!"
I always tell my clients that I'm not going to ask anything of them that I wouldn't do myself. So coming out, being vulnerably, authentically me ... well, it's just a must at this point.
And my hope is that I can pass along to anyone who is struggling to embrace who they are, what they feel, what they want, this truth - it is 100% OKAY TO BE YOU!!
This is why it's called Pride Month - to be proud of one's self regardless of what others might say or do or judge.
Thank you for seeing me!
Much love,
Listen to this conversation between Sarah Buino & Heidi Savell on polyamory!
What part(s) of yourself do you need to bring out of hiding and claim pride around? It might be anything, not just things related to identity, s*xual orientation, or relationship style!
BOOK OF THE MONTH
Attachment theory has entered the mainstream, but most discussions focus on how we can cultivate secure monogamous relationships. What if, like many people, you’re striving for secure, happy attachments with more than one partner? Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual nonmonogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. Polysecure is both a trailblazing theoretical treatise and a practical guide.
READ MORE HERE!
(If purchased through smile.amazon.com, recommend choosing https://www.indianaprevention.org/ to benefit from your purchase)
UPCOMING EVENTS
NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS!
only 6 spots available
Join me for this down-to-earth
and transformational group program!
It's for you if you want step-by-step support to reliably and consistently navigate life with clarity and ease.
This program is designed for all types of survivors who are sick and tired of going around the same mountain over and over again and who want to learn specific tools and skills for transforming their lives.
In the Beyond Surviving program, I've combined what I have learned through my own journey of recovery from s*xual abuse, my study of neuroscience, my training in counseling psychology, and my experience working with hundreds of clients. I have included every lesson, exercise, worksheet, client example, and training module that has made a difference for me and my clients into this program.
We use my guidebook, Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse, as the roadmap through seven modules that address the critical areas of life that are impacted by abuse.
JUNE 13th
Coping Skills
We all need a set of management strategies to get through life. We explore this month some of the best coping strategies for and techniques that help us thrive and overcome abuse.
