Improve Your Relationship With Food Tenfold in Just One Month - Part 4

This week, Naomi Nygaard concludes her series by sharing how powerful surrendering to the process can be and how acceptance and asking for support play a key role in this journey.

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The Power of Surrender

This blog is about surrender. 

This is not necessarily a popular topic in this society/during these times. I believe that the more typically ‘masculine’ qualities of controlling and mastering our lives and overcoming obstacles are much more the way we are conditioned to think we must behave in order to succeed in every area of life. This approach can serve us very well in the office or board-room, when sparing with an opponent, or on a football pitch. However, what I’ve seen time and again in my work with those of us who struggle around food, body-weight and body-image, is that our issues are rarely if ever tackled in this manner.

Everyone I’ve worked with closely around these issues who has found newfound joy followed by long-lasting freedom has first reached a point or period where they’ve recognizing that all their attempts to get their eating habits under control and feel great about their bodies just haven’t ultimately worked.

Prayer is key in the shift of perspective I believe is required to create the foundations for long-lasting joyful change. Prayer has nothing much to do with religion, unless this is helpful to you. I myself am not religious, and yet I practice prayer in every area of my life in which I feel that my life-long habit of micro-management and control has become fruitless and burdensome, and is not yielding the results I so dearly want.

So how exactly do we surrender, and pray, to find the positive change we crave? I believe there are a few steps to this, and I’ve broken down the process as I see it into two simple steps:

1.) Acceptance:  

Self-judgment and self-blame keeps us stuck in the exactly the same place, year after year. It is the cement that keeps the unwished-for state or circumstance firmly in place. Some parts of me wrongly believe that criticizing me will make things change for the better. However every piece of evidence from my own experience suggests the opposite to be true: when critical parts relax, we’re suddenly free to embrace positive changes without the pressure that has been holding things in a state of stagnancy.

One thing that has helped these inner-critics in me relax a great deal has been the concept of ‘karma’. I believe that the reason I’m up against this particular set of circumstances - however challenging - is because of my own personal karma. I view karma as my own individual soul’s course of study - what I have yet to learn in this lifetime about receiving love and giving love, to and from myself and others.  I see this lifetime as an opportunity to practice being in flow - I can choose to learn what I need to learn to live this way, loving, healing and releasing whatever is blocking me from being in flow: a conduit or channel of love.

The notion of karma is a relief to me: when I’m in what I would perceive to be a negative situation or circumstance, it is not due to my own ineptitude, stupidity, or failings. I have come to believe that it is meant to be that I’m right here, right now, facing whatever it is I’m facing. It is part of my soul’s learning in this lifetime.

2.) Offering:

I need help. And I’ve found I don’t get too far in a good direction without it. I’m talking help both from other people, and help from the Divine (God, the Tao, the Universe, a Higher Power… inner and outer …  I invite you to choose whatever word and concept works best for you) …  I’ve found that, for me, a good time for asking for help is first thing.  I practice offering up my most pressing and anxiety-provoking issues as soon as I open my eyes each morning. I use certain prayers that I read allowed or say in my head from memory, and they slow the momentum of my oft-anxiety-fueled “fix-it-quick” thought-cycles that would otherwise jump right into action on a variety of topics as soon as the alarm-clock sounds.

I’ve authored a few suggested prayers if you feel you’re well-and-truly up against it in the area of food, body-weight, and body-image. I encourage you to use them/edit them/reject them/replace them and generally make them your own as you embark on the process of surrender around your food and body lives:

“Divine Beloved, allow me to feel completely at ease, knowing that total freedom from what has felt like an endless cycle of over-eating and dieting is now finally well underway.”

“Let me trust that my needs to be healthy, happy, and to love my body are now being met in amazing ways."  

“May I know my own value, beauty, and worthiness without question.”

“Let me allow others the supreme pleasure of giving to me, guiding me, and supporting me on my journey of healing around food.”

“Change me into one who can fully love, forgive, and accept myself.”

“Let everything that needs to go, go. Let everything that needs to come, come.  I am Yours.”

Being playful also does wonders, I find:

“I’m done! I’m exhausted! I’ve had it! I give this whole burden over to you, Divine Love.  Take it off my hands and make it clear what I need to learn next.  Show me the way in a way I can take in, understand, and follow.”

I find slow, deep breathing works well during prayer.

Acceptance and Offering are the opposite of “passive”. This is an active engagement in working with the Spirit of Life that created everything, and I’ve found it works wonders in every area of my life where I feel stuck.  

You may believe that God doesn’t care about the mundane details of food and body-weight, and has Her/His/It’s focus on more global issues. I believe Great Spirit to be available on hand both in the minutiae of life, and in the business of moving the planets and keeping the stars burning bright. 

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Naomi Nygaard is an Internal Family Systems and Somatic Psychotherapist, coach and healer with over ten years experience helping people individually and in groups to identify and release their inner blocks to achieving freedom from compulsive food cycles, and rediscover the life and body they most adore.  For more information, please visit www.welloa.co.uk.

If you’d like to go deeper with your healing around food and eating, lose weight naturally with ease, and experience peace, joy and freedom in this area of your life, then the following programs I am hosting are a good fit for you:

Free One Day Online Course:  welloa.co.uk/your-freedom-steps-one-day-course/

Three Month Online Food-&-Weight Freedom Program:

http://welloa.co.uk/3-month-food-weight-freedom-program/

Your Freedom Steps 12 Month Online Program:  

http://welloa.co.uk/your-freedom-steps-12-month-online-program/

Work with me one-to-one:  http://welloa.co.uk/prices/

Improve Your Relationship With Food Tenfold in Just One Month - Part 3

This week, Naomi Nygaard helps us understand the impact of rigid dieting or lack of boundaries when it comes to food and shares how some lessons from Buddha can guide us towards balance and freedom.

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Loving Boundaries: Finding Our Own Food "Middle Way”

I believe that the Buddha had an issue with food. In his attempt to become enlightened, legend has it that he fasted for 40 days and became so thin that he almost died. A woman passing by where he was meditating saw him and was concerned, fearing for his life. She happened to have a bowl of rice-pudding with her, and offered it to him. He received her spirit of simple and genuine kindness, and could come back from his self-imposed brink of death. In that moment, he decided to break his fast and receive her life-bringing offering of health.

At the exact moment that he took the bite, a boat floated down the river next to him, carrying a man playing a three-stringed instrument. Legend has it that the one string was too tight and made an ugly twang, one was too loose and sounded so baggy and flat little sound was made, while the third string was perfectly strung and tuned, and therefore sent out beautiful and resonant waves.

The combination of these two events provided the "penny dropping" that sent the Buddha into his realization of Truth. He saw how extreme he’d been around food, almost killing himself through self-deprivation. Finally being willing to receive the nourishment his body needed gave him the 'aha' moment that finding balance around food - the middle way - was far more effective to bring him enlightenment than through the extreme parts of himself (before his ascetic spiritual seeking the Buddha had lived a prince, a life which included much luxury even over-indulgence).

The sound of the perfectly-tuned string represented for the Buddha the dynamic balance that could support him and others in all our quests for truth and well-being in our lives. And I believe it provides a metaphor for overcoming our issues with food.  

We might consider the over-strung string the dieting part of ourselves - rigid and tightly-controlling of our food and weight. The effect of living from this part of ourselves is that we become tense and anxious, obsessed with perfection and following self-imposed rules we believe will help us achieve perfection.  

On the other hand, the loose and baggy string could be likened to the more indulgent part of ourselves, that has us eat what we want, when we want, even if this is costly to our health, focus, and inner-peace. This part of us often rejects wholesome and loving routines or boundaries, and the effect of this is that we are left feeling uncomfortable about ourselves, distracted from our focus and clarity, restlessly seeking out that next bite, and ever swinging back to the opposite extreme in an attempt to "get back in shape" or "sort ourselves out".

The Buddha summarised his enlightenment experience as "Finding the Middle Way".  I believe that each person who suffers with a habit of overeating and self-criticism about it, and with patterns of restrictive dieting to compensate for it, requires their own enlightenment experiences to be free. I believe such experiences - however large or small - add up to the discovery and formation of our own unique middle way around food and our bodies.

I invite you to journal about what the middle way might look like for you. Are there extremes you’ve experienced around food or not-eating? How did living from these extremes leave you feeling, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? Jot down anything that comes to mind, in a spirit of curiosity and kindness.

As a therapist and mentor who facilitates and supports people to discover their own freeing and life-enhancing middle-way around food, I’ve discovered something common to us all: discovering our middle way comes from us. 

It comes from our own intuition and unique series of aha moments about what will suit us, our lifestyles, our bodies, and the way we interact with the world around us. My role is as a loving witness, and, if required, guide: holding the torch as the exploration and internal "dig-for-gold" takes place.

I believe the process of discovering your own Middle Way with food can start for you today, if you wish. Recognizing your own extremes around food - and identifying where they may have led in the past - offers a helpful framework within which to explore how you wish to live out your food-life today.  

You may wish to journal a little about your past with food, in service of getting to better know any more extreme-around-food parts of yourself.  Be a kindly and curious "Oprah" in the interviewer seat, finding out more about any restrictive, dieting parts of you, or any over-indulgent food parts. See if these parts of you would be willing to share more about their roles within you: what motivates their actions, and their feelings, beliefs and goals for you.

In order to embrace his new enlightened view of life, the Buddha needed to release his life-long burden of believing he wasn’t worthy of this massive and magical change. Notice where similar feelings of unworthiness arise as you connect with your own food parts, in the spirit of discovery. You may notice whispers of unworthiness - unworthy of being healthy, happy, and free - beneath the surface of your own relationship with food.  

I invite you to slow down and take time with this process of discovery … to be the witness of all that arises within you as you explore your own relationship with food, embracing all that you find gently within the larger, kindly container that you are.

Read Part 4!

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Naomi Nygaard is an Internal Family Systems and Somatic Psychotherapist, coach and healer with over ten years experience helping people individually and in groups to identify and release their inner blocks to achieving freedom from compulsive food cycles, and rediscover the life and body they most adore.  For more information, please visit www.welloa.co.uk.

If you’d like to go deeper with your healing around food and eating, lose weight naturally with ease, and experience peace, joy and freedom in this area of your life, then the following programs I am hosting are a good fit for you:

Free One Day Online Course:  welloa.co.uk/your-freedom-steps-one-day-course/

Three Month Online Food-&-Weight Freedom Program:

http://welloa.co.uk/3-month-food-weight-freedom-program/

Your Freedom Steps 12 Month Online Program:  

http://welloa.co.uk/your-freedom-steps-12-month-online-program/

Work with me one-to-one:  http://welloa.co.uk/prices/

Improve Your Relationship With Food Tenfold in Just One Month - Part 2

This week, Naomi Nygaard shares how pausing, breathing, and connecting with your body and breathe can transform the eating and digestion process so that we are more mindful and aware while eating.

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Creating the Nourishment We Need Through Conscious Breathing

One thing I discovered through my journey of recovering health, joy and freedom around food is how deeply connected eating is with breathing. My food issues were tied up with my breathing issues in a way that needed gentle disentangling for me to find the relief and relaxation I sought.

In childhood, I reacted to stressful things that were happening in my family and school lives. In an attempt not to feel painful feelings, I unconsciously made the choice to keep my breathing shallow. This led to a lack of oxygen, vitality and clarity in my body and mind, and, in order to keep myself feeling energized, I sought and found sugary and highly-refined foods to give me the boost that calm deep breaths would have provided.

My healing has included learning how my body still held the tensions of those earlier times, especially in my tight belly. I have learned to relax my belly so that it can soften to allow for the deep breaths my body needs.  

Breathing in a relaxed way while preparing and eating food is a vital step to learning more about and in time improving our relationship with food. 

I encourage you to try this practice:

Before eating, whether it’s a planned meal, an unplanned snack, and even (or especially) a compulsive binge, find your way to a seated position in front of the food, feet flat on the floor and spine relaxed and upright.  

Now, before eating the food, take three slow, steady breaths in through the nose with energy (if your nose is clear!), and out through the mouth as slowly as possible.  During each breath, I invite you to focus on these things:

Breath 1: "I am seated and resting. I have arrived. I am here."

Breath 2: "I allow my body to soften, especially my belly and entire digestive system. My whole body is now softening to receive this food in a relaxed way."

Breath 3: "I consider all the infinite number of humans and animals that have contributed to bringing this food before me. I thank them." [here you may wish to picture and silently thank specific real or imagined humans and animals]

This is a magical, life-changing practice. Don’t worry if you find yourself half-way through a meal before realizing you’ve forgotten to begin the meal with this practice. If this happens, simply slow your chewing, forgive yourself immediately, and begin the process internally and silently to yourself.

I am sometimes asked how this practice is possible if we are sharing a meal with others. This practice was taught to me by a radiant woman I was sharing a meal with who didn’t mind openly preparing herself to eat in this way. Her energy of slowing down and centering herself before eating encouraged us all to do the same; she wasn’t shy to openly take care of herself in this way. In her openness and courage to be different, she changed my life.  

When we take the lead with this practice, we allow the chatter in our minds to quiet, as well as resting from our external conversations for these moments.  Every lucky person we eat with will benefit from the stillness, appreciation and ceremony we invite into the sacred act of eating.  

Breathing deeply throughout the meal, snack or binge that follows is the continuation of this practice. This continuous deep breathing while eating allows the digestion process to be increased and enhanced. When enough oxygen is allowed into the system we naturally slow down and notice and taste our food far better. Our bodies then respond by releasing the digestive enzymes we need into our mouths, stomachs, and intestines. This way, our bodies are greatly supported in absorbing and assimilating our food, and this has massive knock-on benefits to our health, energy, and vibrancy.

When we breathe during eating, our bodies literally register that we ate and fully tasted and enjoyed our food. We are more satisfied from eating and therefore feel less peckish and restless between our meals.

If conscious breathing is a new practice for you, and if food is an area that has caused you much negative emotion for a long while - guilt, shame, or fear - you may wish to first practice conscious breathing outside the kitchen. Take time out for yourself to focus on keeping your breaths deep and steady - in through the nose and slowly out through the mouth if possible. Gentle yoga, a walk in nature, or simply sitting with a candle are all excellent ways of practicing conscious breathing and will greatly support your practice of conscious breathing before and during eating.  

I encourage you to stay true to this practice every day. Conscious breathing during eating will greatly improve, and eventually totally transform, your relationship with food.

In next week’s blog, I’m going to be exploring with you the preciousness of creating Loving Boundaries in your food lives: those are Boundaries that are Loving, and Boundaries that you Love!

Read Part 3!

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Naomi Nygaard is an Internal Family Systems and Somatic Psychotherapist, coach and healer with over ten years experience helping people individually and in groups to identify and release their inner blocks to achieving freedom from compulsive food cycles, and rediscover the life and body they most adore.  For more information, please visit www.welloa.co.uk.

If you’d like to go deeper with your healing around food and eating, lose weight naturally with ease, and experience peace, joy and freedom in this area of your life, then the following programs I am hosting are a good fit for you:

Free One Day Online Course:  welloa.co.uk/your-freedom-steps-one-day-course/

Three Month Online Food-&-Weight Freedom Program:

http://welloa.co.uk/3-month-food-weight-freedom-program/

Your Freedom Steps 12 Month Online Program:  

http://welloa.co.uk/your-freedom-steps-12-month-online-program/

Work with me one-to-one:  http://welloa.co.uk/prices/

Improve Your Relationship With Food Tenfold in Just One Month - Part 1

This month, I am so excited to introduce you to Naomi Nygaard. She will be sharing with you each week how you can ten-times the amount of awareness, self-care, and readiness for positive change you can experience in just one month around food and eating. Follow whichever suggestions she makes over the month that feel delicious and inspiring to you: the more you practice integrating these tools into your life with curiosity and consistency, the more your experience with food will truly open up to you, and you will begin to find the positive shifts occurring you’ve been wishing for.  

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Creating a Loving Food Feedback Loop

In order to know where we want to go in our food-and-eating lives, it is important to first know where we are. Some of us may have minds that tell us all sorts of stories about where we are at and how we are doing in this area of food and weight. It can be important to turn down the volume of these often loud and conflicting opinions and create a fresh feed-back loop for ourselves, based on our day-to-day actual experience of what and how we eat.

Facing the truth can feel scary at times, so it’s important to make this new practice feel safe and tenderly loving, like the self-care practice it is. I recommend buying a beautiful journal just for this, and setting aside the same amount of time each day when we know we won’t be disturbed - ten minutes twice a day should be fine.

The feedback loop consists of two parts: the Food Plan, to be written in the morning before the first bite of the day, and the Food Review, to be written in the evening after the last bite of food has been eaten.

Food Plan:

A simple plan for what, when, how, and where you will eat today.  

We can’t read the future, and we don’t wish our lives to be without spontaneity or fun surprises. However, if we are someone who struggles around food, there are likely parts of you that feel quite unsafe unless they know that there is enough, and that we won’t put other life events before taking time out to enjoy our three healthy, generous, moderate meals.

A food plan may include an awareness of time: how much time do we need to prepare our meals, and therefore when do we need to start cooking and eating such that we are not overly hungry by the time we begin?  

When we look at the day ahead and plan our food in advance, there may be an awareness that our day includes long gaps where we will likely get hungry and may make choices in our hunger that won’t feel good to us later, unless we take care to provide for ourselves with love ahead of time. In these instances, we can create for ourselves a healthy and abundant packed lunch - creating it when we are not hungry. In this way, we are supporting ourselves to make choices that align with our true wishes for ourselves.  

We may also become aware of the need to carve out enough time in our day for eating our meals, and see ahead of time the need to adjust our appointments and commitments in order to prioritize our own vital food needs.  

Whether we stick to our Food Plan or not, it is a very valuable practice to create an ideal Plan for ourselves, that aligns with our true desire to be nourished and cared for, and to feel safe throughout our day. Our Food Review will give us the opportunity to reveal for ourselves how and how come we decided not to go along with our Food Plan if this was the case.  This then becomes very rich information for us as we explore our thinking and emotions around food in our daily lives.

Food Review: 

After the last bite of the day, reflect on the day’s eating: 

What food did you choose to eat?

How did you eat it and how did you feel preparing and eating food today? 

What about your food and eating sparked your awareness today? Include thoughts, feelings and emotions you experienced connected to your food.

What appreciation do you feel for yourself and the way you eat and/or how you prioritized your food today?

The most important thing about this review is that it feels fun to write; thus please ensure that it does not become a written way for you to list your perceived faults, failings, mistakes and misdemeanors around food. 

If you didn’t stick to the plan you created for any or all of meals, I invite you to use this as an opportunity to bring your curiosity, self-patience and self-gentleness to bare as you investigate the choice-points you encountered that led to changes being made, and what you can learn about yourself from this.  If you are both dedicated and gentle with yourself as you-practice this feedback loop ongoingly, your learnings will be highly valuable to you in your journey of healing around food and eating in your life.

Enjoy this process for Week 1.  I look forward to connecting with you again in Week 2 to add the next layer to your self-care practice for this Month of Improving Your Relationship with Food Tenfold. 

Read Part 2!

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Naomi Nygaard is an Internal Family Systems and Somatic Psychotherapist, coach and healer with over ten years experience helping people individually and in groups to identify and release their inner blocks to achieving freedom from compulsive food cycles, and rediscover the life and body they most adore.  For more information, please visit www.welloa.co.uk.

If you’d like to go deeper with your healing around food and eating, lose weight naturally with ease, and experience peace, joy and freedom in this area of your life, then the following programs I am hosting are a good fit for you:

Free One Day Online Course:  welloa.co.uk/your-freedom-steps-one-day-course/

Three Month Online Food-&-Weight Freedom Program:

http://welloa.co.uk/3-month-food-weight-freedom-program/

Your Freedom Steps 12 Month Online Program:  

http://welloa.co.uk/your-freedom-steps-12-month-online-program/

Work with me one-to-one:  http://welloa.co.uk/prices/