June 26, 2013

23 hours and 55 minutes to live...

This week, I am pleased to bring you the conclusions to Jolynn's series. It's been great having her on, and I hope you will send her a note if her series has helped you in any way!

I find it paramount to walk-our-talk in the profession of coaching. To be transparent and opaque at the same time--as in solid with boundaries and professionalism, yet living in a glass house where if one’s coaching student was a fly on the wall, they would see their teacher, mentor and guide living their craft. Modelling excellence, as we say in the NLP world. Someone who models excellence to and for me in the mindfulness arena is Jon Kabat-Zinn. His works became sacred texts for me to soak in like a warm reflecting pool as I was first learning to integrate the practices into my own life. His definition of mindfulness is perfect for our discussion today: “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; On purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.”

We have been discussing how mindfulness, can take you out of suffering on many levels through, what I like to call “the in door”. The door into your emotional heart, your mind and intellect, your deepest true self. The door that opens into rooms of contemplation, focus, attention, awareness, stillness, and daily rituals. Curiosity is another room or state of mind we can enter. All of these new skills, or old skills we are bringing back to life, can be cultivated to serve us.

In part one of this series we talked about attention. The value of attention, who wants it and why they want it. How you can embrace and cultivate awareness to what you are paying attention to in order to have your attention, your focus serve you, reveal answers and a’ha’s to you. When we sharpen this skill within us, and retrain ourselves, we find that the attention serves us and is released from duty in the hyper vigilance department and self-beratement department and is gently reassigned to noticing all that is right within us, all that is lovely, good and praiseworthy. We find our attention and our perceptions shifting to enhance all of the solutions we have been seeking. Joy increases, Peace increases, curiosity about what pleasant surprises await us increases.

As we embrace the tool of redirected focus, of concentrating on our new life enhancing skills, such as suggested with the foundational acts of journaling and meditation, we find we can tolerate more peace. Peace at first can feel like an unfamiliar, discomforting state because often times people are so accustomed to operating in and from a state of ‘stress’. Enduring chronic states of overwhelm, anxiety, worry, dysfunctional chaos and self-beratement are the norm. Better-the-devil-you-know-than-the-devil-you-don’t philosophy. 

Peace, quiet, non-judgmental loving self-talk, that in the beginning feel like soothing balms, can lead to thoughts like “It’s too quiet. Something must be going to happen that is bad.”  One doesn’t realize it isn’t the ‘quiet before the storm comes rushing in’ anymore. It’s the Peace that is at the core of our being while storms go on around and outside of us. Gentle teachers, coaches, therapists and other healed helping professionals can assist the person who is adapting to their new life of joy. Re-mind-ing and re-framing the healing person. Helping them adjust their focus and new identity.

So all that being said how does one adjust to the 23 hours left in the day after they journal and meditate? Here’s a habit I took part in, and is second nature to me now, as I learned to live a transparent and opaque peaceful life. I adopted the practice of entering the ‘in-door’ on an hourly basis. Yes, with a timer. At first it was a kitchen timer, then, my smarter-than-me phone. I literally check in with myself every hour. (This gets faster with practice and healing and also cuts down on any impending external drama.) It shifts a person from constant reactive unconscious behavior into proactive behavior. Perfectly every day? No imperfectly every day. However ‘something’ that in the beginning of learning to do this that would take me a week or a day to spring back from (or let's face it five months to five years) now can take an hour or two, 15 minutes or not even bother me at all. Imagine it like being a release valve on a tank full of hot steam and boiling water. By opening the valve every hour, a bit of built up pressure comes up and out. This way, when life throws a curveball, an entire tank of boiling water isn’t going to explode.

Here is my method (feel free to email me for a PDF version of this you can use to practice. Put ‘hourly sheet’ in the subject line.)

  1. I check in with what I believe is happening. I tell myself the story of what I’m perceiving is going on around me. I do self inquiry to find out if this story is factual or just bunk I am exaggerating on, or both. I love Byron Katie’s “The Work” process for this. Which works well every time I play linguistic gymnastics with my story of what is happening.
  2. If everything is ok, I dive into the next part. I fill in the blanks on the following (oh and actually feel the feelings I am about to describe). For a free ten minute audio on ‘How to Feel a Feeling’, email me.
  3. The next part is this: I say out loud, filling in the blanks of course with pieces of my story and what I am experiencing: I feel angry that:_______. I feel sad that:_______. I feel afraid that:_______. I feel guilty that:_____. I feel grateful that:_____. I feel happy that:______. I feel proud that:_______. I feel secure that:________.
  4. I look ‘under’ those feelings to see if I have any unrealistic expectations or non-right-sized ideas going on. I ask myself if it is realistic or right-sized to be believing what I am believing. For I believe that our feelings are generated from our thinking. Conscious or unconscious thinking. If my ‘negative’ or less-than-peaceful feelings are tipping the scale, I recheck what the heck I am believing that is stirring that up.

This is the beginning of deep inner healing. It’s opening doors inside that welcome me into the rooms of each feeling. No more resistance to the contents of the rooms. By entering these in-doors, I feel what is in there and then I can let the feeling go. Dissolve it. Poof the energy-in-motion (e-motion) out of me. Pop open that steam valve.

Then in between my check-ins, I am free to do good work. Like blog, coach, love people and animals, take a bubble bath, paint a picture, go for a walk. Live my life. Curiously, freely, peacefully.

I encourage you to try this at home coupled with a back up plan of phone numbers of your helping professionals like myselfRachel or your own familiar support person. You don’t want to create a downward spin cycle and get trapped in it. You want to be free floating in the second half of the activity, in states of gratitude, happiness and security.

Let me know how these experiments in peace go for you. My prayer and meditation for you is that you become or stay Prosperous, Peaceful and Powerful.

Always in your service,



Jolynn Van Asten M.Msc, M.NLP is a solid and dynamic leader, seasoned Master Business and Personal Transformational Coach who is dedicated to teaching women entrepreneurs and leaders how to create businesses that pay them over six figures annually while working less, and spending more time enjoying their other life passions.
Jolynn has worked with 1,000’s of entrepreneurs in elevating their business  success and assisting them in clearing their personal  inner and outer roadblocks quickly at the unconscious and conscious level.
She has a passion for training women in  entrepreneurial leadership  how to heal their emotional wounds around finances, prosperity,self worth. How  to restore their authentic divine connection, intuition, confidence and creativity while  increasing their profit and productivity; their bliss.
She holds many degrees and certifications in Transpersonal Psychology and Brain Based process and believes her clients and students seek out and appreciate how she’s able to lead and teach from her own healed heart business wisdom. Jolynn imparts intuitive guidance and grounded practicality to guide them on a journey to richness, wellness and wholeness.
She  is the forthcoming author of : Procrastinate your way to prosperity, turning your weaknesses into gold. She conducts womens wisdom workshops on prosperity and time-energy management.
To book her to speak to your group you may contact support@expertbreakthrough.com 

1 comment:

  1. "Imperfectly each day"...What a helpful phrase, Jolynn. I love your suggestion of the hourly check-in! Thanks for this thought-full article.


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