WTH! Despite it all, 2020 hasn't been all bad!

Wishing You a Happy Holiday and New Year!

At the end of 2019, I wrapped up by saying, "As someone who loves all things from the 1920's - I am beyond thrilled that I am going to get to experience my own decade of 20-somethings!"

Ummm -- can I take that back!!

Folks - this has been an unbelievable year. If you're like me, you've had moments of deep fear, anger, feeling flabbergasted, hope, joy, laughter, connection, sadness, grief, worry, relief.

It's like 2020 came on the scene to just double check to make sure I really had this "feel your feelings" thing on point!

I have never before felt so profoundly thankful for the toolkit I have and the community and support I have -- both of these things have played a huge role in my maintaining my sanity this year.

Today, I am also very present to the beautiful, wild, amazing ride of life, because even in the midst of some very big challenges, I have found ways to thrive. Some of my big dreams have come true this year. I've witnessed the perseverance of my clients as they continue to show up for themselves in big big ways and tackle their hurts and past with fortitude. 

And so I decided to take a look back at the year to see what all has happened in my Beyond Surviving life of 2020.

Here's a little year in review:

• 524 people have now completed my 28-Day Boot Camp for the Brain self-study program, and I am very proud that I continue to be able to offer this life changing program on a sliding scale in honor of my commitment that anyone impacted by trauma, at the very least, know how to practice the basics when it comes to healing and retraining the brain.

• My dear friend who I mentioned was pregnant last year had that little baby, making me Auntie to niece #9.

• 5300 people are now members of my Healing from Sexual Abuse Facebook group and the volunteer team of Comment Moderators has grown to 12. I am so in awe of the sharing, support, and community that is building and this safe space that we've created for people to be seen and heard with care and compassion.

• I finally figured out how to post stories to Instagram :)

• A really really really big dream came true this year! Ashley Easter and I held our Emerge: Unleash Your Empowered Self live, in-person retreat in February (just before covid hit!). 12 amazing women joined us, and it was such a gift to see them tapping into their feelings, expanding their intuition, celebrating their bodies, and stepping into their power!

• Like so many, streaming shows has been a great way to fill the time. Some of my favorites this year were The Queen's Gambit, Ratched, The Voice, Schitt's Creek, Shine On with Reese Witherspoon, and Broadchuch!

• I started roller skating again. This was my go to growing up in Oklahoma where my entertainment choices where somewhat limited. Though I'm a little wobbly, I'm working to get my skate legs back and enjoying this activity that holds a lot of nostalgia for me.

• 2020 marks the end of my 13th year as a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach and I have had the honor to walk alongside 50 men and women through my group and one-on-one programs. Witnessing their growth and healing is by far the highlight of my year!

• Anthony and I learned even more about how to best love and care for each other through this unexpected experience of quarantining and are about to celebrate 7 years together.

Some things I'm looking forward to in 2021:

• Ashley and I will be offering the Emerge: Unleash Your Empowered Self retreat again in 2021---and we're going virtual! If you'd like to know more and be notified when registration opens, go here. (FYI - we haven't updated the website to reflect the shift to a virtual retreat yet!)

 

• Ashley and I have also developed a training on "10 Ways Sexual Trauma May Be Holding You or an Employee Back", and we will be presenting this training for Amazon employees (!!) in Spring 2021! We will be looking for more opportunities to offer this training as well, and I'm so excited to be stepping into this new aspect of my work!

 

• I am partnering with my dear friend and colleague, Xanet Pailet, to offer a course on how to reclaim desire and your sex life after trauma!

 

• Doing more weekend trips, creating lots of space for rest and adventure! 
  

• Finally watching The Mandalorian - because who wouldn't look forward to seeing this guy:
  

Each year brings with it more surprises, challenges, and opportunities, and as I turn the corner and start my 14th year in business (holy moly!?), I am so curious to see what 2021 will bring!

With deep gratitude, my wish for you is that your holiday and 2021 are filled with joy, love, laughter, and strength.

From our little family to yours - much love,

Are you afraid of the unknown?

Abuse catches us by surprise. There is no warning. And so survivors of abuse often struggle with unknowns. But the good news is - you already are actually pretty darn good at dealing with unknowns - you do it everyday!!

WATCH HERE: https://youtu.be/TwxVibjVlhg

#coachrachelsays #beyondsurviving #metoo #fear #unknown #support #faceit #capacity #ptsd #choice

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Discover the 3 Stages of Recovery from Childhood Abuse

The road to recovery is much easier when you know what stage you're in and what to do next. Find out exactly where you are in your healing journey and what kind of support you need right now. 

This FREE 9-page guide will give you the answers you've been seeking.

Please Send My Copy Now

9 Ways to Combat Exhaustion

This month, Heather Hammett, is joining us to share about ways to combat exhaustion in all its forms.

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During this Pandemic especially, I have definitely experienced emotional and mental exhaustion. I have gotten irritated with myself and my family and have been impatient. I've had unexpected hour-long crying spurts. 

When I am consumed by fatigue and feeling depleted, I forget that I can do something beneficial about it. I can do something about how I am feeling and reacting. 

So, what can I do when I am spent, exhausted and depleted? How am I able to be more present during the day and do my personal best? Below are some ideas and strategies to help you manage feeling spent and drained. 

• Ask for help 
• Take a break (take a step back) 
• Set boundaries 
• Learn how to say no 
• Be intentional with your breathing 
• Connect with life outdoors 
• Talk to a friend 
• Write down 3 things that you are truly grateful for 
• Meditate 

Ask for help to combat Exhaustion 

Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new. 

If you need help, ask for it. There have been so many times I have felt resentment because my plate was too full, yet I did not ask for help. Therefore, I became depleted and exhausted. When I ask for help and support, I feel much better - mentally and emotionally. 

Take a Break 

Feeling overwhelmed? Take a step back. Take a break. If possible, do something that makes you happy, and then come back to it. 

When I am sitting at my desk thinking of what to write next, I feel mentally overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted if nothing comes to me. They call this writer's block. I have found that if I take a break, I can focus when I come back to it later. 

Set Boundaries 

I have work to do in this area. 

Setting boundaries is not easy for me. 

I am working on it. 

When I do not set boundaries for myself, I easily become depleted. 

A couple of ways you can set boundaries for yourself is to name your limits and tune in to your feelings. 

Learn how to say No 

There is a time to say yes, and a time to say no. 

If saying yes makes you feel uneasy or anxious, then you should say no. 

When your plate is full and you have important obligations, you are allowed to say no. 

If you want to say no because your heart is not into it, then say no. Honesty it is better than saying yes to something you do not want to do. 

Saying no to the things you should not say yes to protects you from becoming mentally and emotionally exhausted. 

Intentional Breathing 

Breathing exercises can be your best friend. Intentional breathing does not have to take long. You can take a seat or stand while practicing what I call, tummy breathing. 

Give yourself 60 seconds of deep, slow breaths. You can close your eyes or leave them open. Try to focus on your breath. See how you feel afterward. 

If 60 seconds is too long, try it for 30 seconds. This practice is not so much about how long you focus on your breath, but the quality of your breathing. 

Connect with Life Outdoors 

I struggle with opening up in Therapy. My Therapist will ask me, "How are You". I am fine. She will ask, "What do you want to talk about?" I reply, nothing. It takes me 20+ minutes to open up. 

At the end of my last counseling session, I told my Therapist that I saw a protected area at my local beach where turtle eggs laid. I was happy because it gave me hope that people care about the baby turtles. 

My Therapist told me that the next time I go to the beach, to walk up to the turtle eggs and connect with them in any way I can. I said hello to the turtle eggs, smiled, and just stood there, looking. I grounded myself and connected in a therapeutic way. 

It is recommended to connect with life outdoors. It is a beautiful way to live. All of us are creation. There is energy and life in connection. 

Talk to a Friend 

It has taken years for me to find good friendships. I make friends easily, yet I struggle to keep friends. This is partially because I do not know how to keep the fire burning in my relationships. 

When I am triggered and/or depleted, I have lost friendships because I pushed them away without explaining why I am isolating. 

When you find a good friend who accepts you, keep him/her in your life. Share who you are. Be open just enough that there is mutual understanding about uncontrollable triggers. 

Talking to a friend can give you the listening ear you need. And if you need a different perspective, you may get a good one. 

Write down 3 things you're grateful for 

When I am mentally and emotionally exhausted, I'm not thinking about anything except how bad I'm feeling. 

Writing down 3 things you are grateful for is a powerful exercise that can help you become present. This is simple and rewarding and may improve your mood. 

I challenge you to write down 3 things you are grateful for and let me know how it helps. This takes 1-3 minutes. 

Meditate 

You do not have to be a guru at the reflection to begin a meditation practice. Meditation can take a minute or as long as you'd like. 

Find a quiet place where you can calmly sit or lay down. 

Feel free to close your eyes if you are comfortable. 

You do not have to control your breath to meditate; simply breath normally. 

Focus your attention on the breath and on how the body moves with each inhalation and exhalation. Be still and just Be. 

Getting Relief 

This is not about using all the tools I have shared with you. The goal is to find 1 or 2 items on the list that work best for you. 

If you have a tool that helps you combat Mental and Emotional Exhaustion, please comment below and share what aids you in your journey. Feel free to share this post on social media or with a friend! 

I hope we both have more days of vigor as we live our lives to the fullest. 

Be sure to subscribe to my blog at the bottom of this website to stay up to date with me and Trekking Peaks and Valleys. 

With all the love I have to give, 

Heather Hammett 

PS: If you are undergoing some or all of these warning signs, you might be experiencing physical and emotional exhaustion. 

• easily irritated 
• not finding joy is your usual pleasant activities 
• sleepless nights 
• less patience 
• stomach pains and indigestion 
• unmotivated 
• sense of dread 
• crying unexpectedly 

To read more warning signs of Mental and Emotional Exhaustion, visit https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-exhaustion#vs-stress for more information. 

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My name is Heather Hammett, and I am a Complex PTSD Survivor. I am healing from Childhood Trauma And Spiritual Abuse. My desire is to build a community of people who are on their healing journey. Our journeys are different, but our compassion for each other is key. Trek with me as I share my story. 

www.trekkingpeaksandvalleys.com

I Am Not a Victim: Overcoming Adversity

As a sexual assault survivor who was kidnapped and sexually assaulted at the age of twelve, Kevin McNeil understands what it is like to be a victim, but more importantly he knows what it takes to move beyond that point. 

As a twenty-year police veteran, Kevin McNeil worked as a Special Victims Unit Detective for twelve of those years investigating child abuse crimes. After making the decision to retire from law enforcement, Kevin decided to use his extensive background and genuine insight to educate others on the effects of abuse.

We cover a lot of ground in this conversation – from Kevin’s harrowing story, to his views on what needs to happen to reform the police and justice system, to his deep desire to educate and raise awareness about trauma, to the power of healing….

You will not want to miss hearing Kevin’s inspiring story!

Learn more at www.thetwelveproject.com

WATCH HERE: https://youtu.be/-_yN3gVA1bM

#beyondsurviving #rachelgrant #podcast #kevinmcneil #svu #policeveteran #survivor #thriving #reform #trauma #awareness #powerofhealing #childabuse #sexualabuse #overcome #malesurvivor #metoo

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Discover the 3 Stages of Recovery from Childhood Abuse

The road to recovery is much easier when you know what stage you're in and what to do next. Find out exactly where you are in your healing journey and what kind of support you need right now. 

This FREE 9-page guide will give you the answers you've been seeking.

Please Send My Copy Now

Let's talk about hopelessness....

Learn about my 10 sec strategy for shifting from despair to hope!

WATCH HERE: https://youtu.be/Ji4shQFTLUU

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Discover the 3 Stages of Recovery from Childhood Abuse

The road to recovery is much easier when you know what stage you're in and what to do next. Find out exactly where you are in your healing journey and what kind of support you need right now. 

This FREE 9-page guide will give you the answers you've been seeking.

Please Send My Copy Now

Let's talk about to survive a trip to the OB GYN...

 Do you know how to advocate for yourself when seeing medical professionals?

Want to learn more about how to become an advocate for yourself when visiting a medical professional? I share 3 things I always do to make visits easier on my nervous system. This is particularly important when we are meeting a caregiver for the first time!

WATCH HERE: https://youtu.be/Z6KvZt3KL0o

#coachrachelsays #metoo #sexualabuse #traumainformed #beyondsurviving #healthywoman #selfadvocacy #speakup #findyourvoice #askforwhatyouneed

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Discover the 3 Stages of Recovery from Childhood Abuse

The road to recovery is much easier when you know what stage you're in and what to do next. Find out exactly where you are in your healing journey and what kind of support you need right now. 

This FREE 9-page guide will give you the answers you've been seeking.

Please Send My Copy Now

Why didn't the church community protect me?

This past Halloween weekend has me thinking a lot about my mom.

My mother was raised in the country. One room school house, feed the chickens before school, make your own clothes kind of country! She was also brought up in the Jehovah's Witnesses church.

I have vague memories of sitting in the pew next to her as a 3-4 year old. I remember many of the men and women of that community being kind and warm towards me.

When I was five, we stopped going. I learned many years later that my mom stopped going because the elders were advising her to leave my father. See, they found out my dad had been married before and on top of that, he smoked cigarettes, and that just wasn't okay by them.

Now, I don't know if this is still the case these days, but at least at that time, celebrating holidays was a no no. Especially Halloween!

When my mom left the church, she didn't lose her faith, but she did leave that sort of stuff behind.

Every year from then on, she would sew my Halloween costumes! Check out some of her finer work (and yes, you aren't seeing things - I did indeed dress up as a Christmas tree for Halloween):

Now you may be thinking, "Rachel, what in the world does this have to do with abuse?"

Well, when I was 10 years old, my grandfather starting abusing me. He was a devout member of the Jehovah's witnesses church. He told me lots of bible stories, went to church as often as he could.

When he was caught, my mother and father first moved him immediately out of our home. And then....my mom went to the elders of the church to report what happened and to seek guidance.

For my mom, having witnessed her father in the act of abusing her little girl...well, I know she was encumbered by so many complex feelings, and it makes sense that she would turn to an institution and community that for so many years of her life had been a source of guidance and counsel.

But ya know what? These elders, who gave my mom so much grief because her husband smoking. These elders who would have shamed her and told her she was sinning for making me Halloween costumes. These elders did absolutely NOTHING.

Well maybe that's not true. They said pray. They said forgive. They said he probably didn't mean it. They said he's an old man, just leave it.

I was already struggling to reconcile the confusion I was feeling about God born out being abused by a God-fearing man, and this response from the elders just poured fuel onto the fire.

And I was ANGRY!

Angry at my grandfather.

Angry at these men.

And definitely angry at God.

I know, given the thousands of stories I've born witness to, that I'm not alone. This story is an all too common one.

Faith communities must do better! And luckily there are organizations out there seeing to it that they do. Like GRACE - Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment.

And then there are people like Fawn, my dear friend, who is an amazing women's relationship empowerment coach, who has developed a 7-week course on "Setting Yourself Free from Religious Bull****, Without Losing Your Faith". Check it out!

If you've been harmed by the leaders/members of a faith community, healing this wounding will make it possible for you to find your footing when it comes to your own beliefs, values, and faith/spirituality.

To be clear, I'm not condemning any faith or globalizing judgment of any denomination or members of a denomination.

What I  saying is that this experience set me on a long painful path I had to travel to heal this wounding and formulate a spiritual walk that I could access.

One thing is for damn sure.....I'll never feel like a sinner for celebrating!

To unburdening ourselves,

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Watch my interview with David Pittman, a member of Grace in which we talk in depth about what faith communities can do to better protect children and response to abuse.

Read this article by powerhouse Lyvonne Proverbs in which she explores why Jesus would say, "Me too."

Where do you seek counsel from these days?

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BOOK OF THE MONTH

Desiring to bring hope and healing to other victims, these men and women—survivors as well as their community of family and friends—come together to speak out about their abuse and betrayal by Catholic priests and leaders. These are only a few stories—but through these few are related the experiences of many victims. Contrary to conventional wisdom, these men and women are still active, practicing Catholics who love their faith. The abusers may have stolen their innocence, but through God’s grace, they weren’t able to steal their faith.

READ MORE HERE!

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UPCOMING EVENTS


Save the Date!

More details and link to join will be sent out soon.

I am so excited to be on this panel and joining in on this live conversation as we explore how to reconnect with self-love as we navigate these troubled times.

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Family Relationships:

As survivors of childhood abuse, family can be a continuous problem. In the same way that our families might have failed us as children, they so often fail us again as adults. And as we approach the holidays, this can be a particularly challenging time. I hope you'll join us!

Learn More & Register Here