A Return to Your Genuine Self: February 2020

February 28, 2020

Something major happened!

There are a lot of moments in my life that I treasure these days. Especially since having a life that I enjoy and am proud of has taken a lot of effort, time, investing in myself, and ups and downs to manifest.

But one moment that I will always treasure is the first ever Emerge Retreat for women. A couple of weeks ago, Ashley Easter and I stepped into leading 12 women over the course of the weekend in exploring what it takes to be an empowered woman. And it was EPIC!!

There were so many moments when I paused and just really soaked in what was unfolding....the relationships that were forming, the breakthroughs that were happening, the fears that were being faced, the risks that were being taken.

More than once Ashley and I did little happy dances of celebration - feeling very proud of what we had created.

This was a huge accomplishment and the realization of a long held dream of mine and I am still basking in the joy of that.

And, I am really present today to another dream that has been on my mind for awhile....

Back in 2007, I started working informally with women in small groups. Then in 2014, I launched the first ever Beyond Surviving group program for women, and I have been leading these groups three times a year pretty much ever since then. Next one starts in May by the way - check it out: http://rachelgrantcoaching.com/group-program/

Then in 2016, I developed and led a group program for men and it had a similar start as the women's group in 2007 - two awesome guys journeyed with me in the program. In 2018, I gave it another go, and three guys stepped into community to heal.

This year, I'm offering the Beyond Surviving Group Program for Men again - starting April 14th, and I am calling in 6 men to join me for the journey.

I've worked with men one-on-one from the very start, and that work is deep and rich and transformational. And I also know that healing in community just adds something special to the mix, and I believe particularly so for men who are still often shamed and struggle with feeling so alone in their healing journey.

I am committed to supporting the men in my community heal - you deserve it!

In the Beyond Surviving program, I've combined what I have learned through my own journey of recovery from sexual abuse, my study of neuroscience, my training in counseling psychology, and my experience working with hundreds of clients. I have included every lesson, exercise, worksheet, client example, and training module that has made a difference for me and my clients into this program.

If you are man who is ready to break free from the pain of abuse and do so alongside your other brothers in healing, please go here to submit your application today.

To healing for all,

Watch Seth Shelley's Ted talk on why men need to talk about their sexual abuse.

Read Tres Dean's story of coming to terms with the reality of being a survivor of sexual trauma.

What communities of healing do you lean on for support?

BOOK OF THE MONTH

In 1958, I was a ten-year-old boy when I was physically molested by a man both inside and outside of the Ritz, one of our local fleapit cinemas.

I feel it is time to tell my story and of what can happen to troubled young boys who fall prey to unscrupulous men. Of what can happen when early sexual problems cannot be shared with parents. Of how easy it is to believe those who seem eager to listen and willing to give their time but who are ultimately only interested in satisfying their own physical needs. The question is always; do those so-called sympathetic ears belong to a violent person?

I have carried the guilt for my actions for many years and at last I can tell of what happened, because Tom is now out of reach and 'They can't touch him now'.

How to Really Listen & Respond When Someone Discloses About Trauma

They've taken the first step. They've broken the silence.

They came to you, trusted you - to believe them. To believe in them. Don't break their trust.

Tell Them You Believe Them!

Tell them you're sorry this happened to them. Remind them that it's not their fault. Tell them that you're there for them.

When they break down and cry, hold them in your arms. That's all they need. That's all they want at this moment.

It took so much courage or them just to say those words!

Don't try to fix them. Your only tasks in the moment are to listen and believe. Hold them and comfort them.

Tell them you care. You are here for them. Ask them what they need most from you.

More than anything at this time, they need a trusted friend. Someone who will be there for them.

Listen. Care. Believe.

If you're a trusted friend, congratulations. With your relationship, you have managed to break two of the most problematic difficulties a survivor has: lack of trust and secrecy. This is a huge step for them and you. The healing is just beginning.

When they ask, there are many resources to share. In the pdf "Advocacy Simplified", you'll find Colorado and national resources to help accelerate their healing and recovery.

If they are a child or teen, let them know it's not their fault. It's the most important message you can give to support their resiliency. Get help from a trusted resource like a child advocacy center. This will help reduce the stress on both the child and yourself. They know what to do and when to do it. They will guide you through the steps necessary to provide a more effective response to the child abuse allegations.

If they are a victim of rape/date rape etc. and it just happened, contact a local rape crisis center, encourage them to report it to the authorities. Be with them, they will need your support.

If they are an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), they've likely kept this secret for many years. The average age a CSA survivor shares their story for the first time is 52. It's likely been a secret they've held on to for 10, 20 or even 40+ years.

It's been stuffed down so deep it has probably caused a number of side effects; physical and/ or mental illness, eating disorders, alcoholism, drug abuse, depression and PTSD. Survivors are more likely to experience on-going health challenges like diabetes, weight gain, fibromyalgia, COPD, heart disease, cancer, and high blood pressure.

In addition, you might notice they struggle with:

»» Lack of self confidence, often feeling guilty, or powerless
»» Difficulty trusting and/or feelings of betrayal?
»» Feeling anger, frustration, shame and blame.
»» Struggling with relationships or avoiding them.
»» Difficulty nurturing themselves or even basic self-care.
»» Feeling unseen and unheard or feel as though they have no voice.

Keep seeing them as whole and complete. Share resources.

It's painful for you too. You're in shock. You're angry. "How could this have happened? How could he/she have done this to you? How did I not see it? I would have never thought it. He's/She's so...handsome, charming, charismatic
successful. He's/She's such a pillar in the community, cornerstone of our society."

All these thoughts and more are going through your head.

Perpetrators come in all shapes and sizes. Many are pillars in their community. I was raised in a small mining community (ok many small mining communities, as we moved at least once a year until I was in high school). My father was a shift supervisor and admired by all the men. They never would have imagined that in his own home he abused all 3 of his daughters.

He was handsome, charismatic and a pillar of our small community.

As a trusted friend please just believe and support in any way you can.

If you or someone you know needs immediate help, contact your local crises center. If you're an adult survivor and have done internal work or seen a therapist but need additional support, contact me at 303.525.6893 or Rachel Grant.

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Claire is a Survivor's Healing Alchemist, Transformational Coach and Reiki Master who empowers others to be seen and heard through her peer led EMPOWER™ Technique and from Wounds to Wisdom mentoring program.
For more than 7 years, Claire has led workshops and mentored individuals guiding them through blocks and helping them identify, release and reframe their trauma to empower their voice and gain the self confidence they desire.
CEO and Founder of The Empowered VOICE traveling exhibit, Claire empowers the voice of survivors through expressive arts and speaking.

Learn more:

Empoweredvoicetravelingexhibit.com

ClaireOleary.com

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Advocacy Simplified Guide

February 28, 2020

Something major happened!

February 17, 2020

How to Really Listen & Respond When Someone Discloses About Trauma