In this final part in this series on Transactional Analysis, we learn more about "gimmicks" and the roles we play in communication and relationship transactions. We can, by tuning into what we are after or out to gain, learn out to think or act our way out of the games we are playing. Watch this video to learn more about how gimmicks keep us stuck in faulty thoughts and roles and how to get out of the cycle.
Last week, I introduced you to the Parent-Adult-Child (PAC) model developed by Eric Berne. If you watched the video, you learned a lot about how these states interact and intercept, often times leading to not so positive relational outcomes.
This week, the series continues but this time taking a look at some of the positive dynamics that exist for each of these states, which ultimately creates lots of room for creativity and individuality.
Also explored are the "games" we play in communication.
A gameis a series of transactions that is complementary (reciprocal), ulterior, and proceeds towards a predictable outcome. Games are often characterized by aswitchin roles of players towards the end. Games are usually played byParent,AdultandChildego states, and games usually have a fixed number of players; however, an individual's role can shift, and people can play multiple roles.
Berne identified dozens of games, noting that, regardless of when, where or by whom they were played, each game tended towards very similar structures in how many players or roles were involved, the rules of the game, and the game's goals.
Each game has apayofffor those playing it, such as the aim of earning sympathy, satisfaction, vindication, or some other emotion that usually reinforces the life script. Theantithesisof a game, that is, the way to break it, lies in discovering how to deprive the actors of their payoff. (source)
Watch this video for a great illustration of the games we play:
I recently came across this series on Transactional Analysis, a theory of personality developed in the 1950s by Eric Berne. This theory attempts to explain how we are structured psychologically through the ego-state or Parent-Adult-Child (PAC) model. This model helps explain how we function and express our personality through our behavior and communication.
When in the Parent state, a person will "behave, feel, and think in response to an unconscious mimicking of how their parents (or other parental figures) acted, or how they interpreted their parent's actions. For example, a person may shout at someone out of frustration because they learned from an influential figure in childhood the lesson that this seemed to be a way of relating that worked." (source)
The Adult state "is most like a computer processing information and making predictions absent of major emotions that could affect its operation. Learning to strengthen the Adult is a goal of TA. While a person is in the Adult ego state, he/she is directed towards an objective appraisal of reality." (source)
Finally, when in the Child state, a person will "behave, feel and think similarly to how they did in childhood. For example, a person who receives a poor evaluation at work may respond by looking at the floor, and crying or pouting, as they used to when scolded as a child. Conversely, a person who receives a good evaluation may respond with a broad smile and a joyful gesture of thanks. The Child is the source of emotions, creation, recreation, spontaneity and intimacy." (source)
Watch the video to learn more about these ego states and how they impact the way we respond, think, and communicate.
... final words of wisdom. I've really enjoyed returning to these ideas. I hope that you will take one or two and put them into practice in your life and relationships.
Passion and Persistence are tools for change.
“Life isn’t a struggle, but a privilege.”
“Live as close to your self as you can.” Society encourages us to bury our true selves so as to fit in. Never mind that silly idea. Know yourself and be yourself.
Be creative in everything, never sacrifice creativity.
Don’t whine. “If you don’t like life, why don’t you die?”
Passion is not a final product, it is a process.
Live the life of an “enthusiator” – Tom Sawyer’s picket fence – be a great seducer, and seduce with enthusiasm – not money, not fame.
Let yourself take a break when you need one.
Don’t live boredom. Be active, be creative. Boredom is the worst disease.
Exercise your body.
Define success as something achievable everyday in the day-to-day goings on. If you try, if you give your time, and if you never give up, you are a success.
Don’t borrow money.
Delight in compromise. Decide what is essential and be resolute to never compromise those things then let everything else be negotiable.
Be conscious of the power of passion. Be sure you are a decent person before you experience this power or you will use the power wrong. Hitler, too, was a passionate man.
Don’t get caught up in the details of life so much that you don’t live.
... continuing this series with more from Patch Adams.
Don’t live in fear, and don’t prepare yourself for the worse. You must have trust. In Patch’s case, he refused to have malpractice insurance because having it made the statement that he feared his patient’s, that he feared his patients would not have confidence in him. Trust can not be built on fear.
Explore human relationships, develop them beyond name, age, how many children, where you were born, where you went to school. Dig deep and find the spirit of each person.
“Health is not the absence of disease. Health is feeling good on your worst day.”
If you have a passion, enjoy the thrill of the pursuit. Burnout, feeling overwhelmed, thinking the task arduous will not exist when you appreciated the pursuit of a dream.
It is easy to begin. It is harder to keep going. Four Ways to Persist:
Find people who have similar goals, and welcome them into your life. Don’t do it alone.
Heroes – find a role model and imagine you are taking over where they left off.
Vividly imagine what your life would be like if you gave up your passion – chances are the depressing image will stir you into action.
Find an irritant, provocation that keeps you going (i.e. everyone says you can’t, so you will show them exactly how you can.)
Be free, laugh, have fun
When you work together, you will get there much quicker and more easily. Build a community of people who will work with you towards your goal.
When you fly alone, it’s a drag. Let people be a part of your life.
Be willing to receive and give help. Don’t accept the American ideal of “individualism.” Being an individual makes you unique, it doesn’t make you able to do it all on your own.
Be willing to give up the lead and let others in the pack take over while you re-energize.
It pays to take turns, share leadership.
Gain encouragement from the others in the pack. Make sure the encouragement is positive.
Check back next week for the final part in this series!!
Resources, personal stories, communication techniques, and strategies for survivors of sexual abuse who are ready to break free from the past and return to their genuine self.
