Are You the Parent or the Child?

I recently came across this series on Transactional Analysis, a theory of personality developed in the 1950s by Eric Berne. This theory attempts to explain how we are structured psychologically through the ego-state or Parent-Adult-Child (PAC) model. This model helps explain how we function and express our personality through our behavior and communication.

When in the Parent state, a person will "behave, feel, and think in response to an unconscious mimicking of how their parents (or other parental figures) acted, or how they interpreted their parent's actions. For example, a person may shout at someone out of frustration because they learned from an influential figure in childhood the lesson that this seemed to be a way of relating that worked." (source) 

The Adult state "is most like a computer processing information and making predictions absent of major emotions that could affect its operation. Learning to strengthen the Adult is a goal of TA. While a person is in the Adult ego state, he/she is directed towards an objective appraisal of reality." (source)

Finally, when in the Child state, a person will "behave, feel and think similarly to how they did in childhood. For example, a person who receives a poor evaluation at work may respond by looking at the floor, and crying or pouting, as they used to when scolded as a child. Conversely, a person who receives a good evaluation may respond with a broad smile and a joyful gesture of thanks. The Child is the source of emotions, creation, recreation, spontaneity and intimacy." (source)

Watch the video to learn more about these ego states and how they impact the way we respond, think, and communicate.

Patch Adams Wisdom--Part 3

... final words of wisdom. I've really enjoyed returning to these ideas. I hope that you will take one or two and put them into practice in your life and relationships.

• Passion and Persistence are tools for change.

• “Life isn’t a struggle, but a privilege.”

• “Live as close to your self as you can.”  Society encourages us to bury our true selves so as to fit in.  Never mind that silly idea.  Know yourself and be yourself.

• Be creative in everything, never sacrifice creativity.

• Don’t whine.  “If you don’t like life, why don’t you die?”

• Passion is not a final product, it is a process.

• Live the life of an “enthusiator” – Tom Sawyer’s picket fence – be a great seducer, and seduce with enthusiasm – not money, not fame.

• Let yourself take a break when you need one.

• Don’t live boredom.  Be active, be creative.  Boredom is the worst disease.

• Exercise your body.

• Define success as something achievable everyday in the day-to-day goings on.  If you try, if you give your time, and if you never give up, you are a success.

• Don’t borrow money.

• Delight in compromise.  Decide what is essential and be resolute to never compromise those things then let everything else be negotiable.

• Be conscious of the power of passion.  Be sure you are a decent person before you experience this power or you will use the power wrong.  Hitler, too, was a passionate man.

• Don’t get caught up in the details of life so much that you don’t live.

Patch Adams Wisdom--Part 2

... continuing this series with more from Patch Adams.

• Don’t live in fear, and don’t prepare yourself for the worse.  You must have trust.  In Patch’s case, he refused to have malpractice insurance because having it made the statement that he feared his patient’s, that he feared his patients would not have confidence in him.  Trust can not be built on fear.

• Explore human relationships, develop them beyond name, age, how many children, where you were born, where you went to school.  Dig deep and find the spirit of each person.

• “Health is not the absence of disease.  Health is feeling good on your worst day.”

• If you have a passion, enjoy the thrill of the pursuit.  Burnout, feeling overwhelmed, thinking the task arduous will not exist when you appreciated the pursuit of a dream.

• It is easy to begin.  It is harder to keep going.  Four Ways to Persist:

• Find people who have similar goals, and welcome them into your life.  Don’t do it alone.
• Heroes – find a role model and imagine you are taking over where they left off.
• Vividly imagine what your life would be like if you gave up your passion – chances are the depressing image will stir you into action.
• Find an irritant, provocation that keeps you going (i.e. everyone says you can’t, so you will show them exactly how you can.)

• Be free, laugh, have fun

• When you work together, you will get there much quicker and more easily.  Build a community of people who will work with you towards your goal.

• When you fly alone, it’s a drag.  Let people be a part of your life.

• Be willing to receive and give help.  Don’t accept the American ideal of “individualism.”  Being an individual makes you unique, it doesn’t make you able to do it all on your own.

• Be willing to give up the lead and let others in the pack take over while you re-energize.

• It pays to take turns, share leadership.

• Gain encouragement from the others in the pack.  Make sure the encouragement is positive.

Check back next week for the final part in this series!!

Patch Adams Wisdom--Part 1

Back in 1999, I attended a lecture given by Hunter "Patch" Adams, whose life is the inspiration for the movie "Patch Adams" starring Robin Williams.  I found Patch’s message struck a resounding cord and adequately named what it is that is hurting our relationships, our communities, and our world.  

I recently rediscovered the notes I took that evening and couldn't resist sharing them here in a little series. Take the ones that make you jump and share them, post them, remember them.

• “Serve Humanity”

• Patch inspires people to leave off being stuffy.  Everyone was laughing, smiling, and having fun.

• Learn to love.  Even if something annoys you like your wife using your razor to shave or your husband always handing you things (like old receipts) for you to decide what to do with them, learn to love that thing.  It will quickly become not so annoying.

• If you have a passion, something you want more than anything else, you must be selfless, ready to commit 100 hours per week, ready to give up all privacy.

• To operate his hospital at 95% less cost than institutional hospitals, Patch and the people who work with him, the patients, and the patients’ families all pitch in to clean the house, mow the lawn, buy food – all the maintenance is cost free because they don’t hire and pay people to do it.

• Do not try to change society or your community all at once.  Reach out and change individual people.  Those individuals will come together as the community, not the community coming together as individuals.

• When you are finally committed to something with all of your hearts, all of a sudden the universe will come together to help you.  Commitment leads to boldness, genius, and magic.

• Care for each other out of pleasure, not responsibility.

• Others will protect you.  When you are down, the others in the pack will come to your aid, if you let them.  Help and protect each other.

• Stick by each other through the good and the bad.

Check back next week for more!!

Olympian Gets a Gold Medal in Beyond Surviving

So, I know that the Olympics have long since come and gone, but I somehow just now came across this amazing personal story of Kellie Wells. She won the bronze in the 100m hurdle. She also survived being raped by her mother's fiancée when she was a sophomore in high school.

Her story is inspiring and powerful. You can read this great article to learn more about her journey.

In this interview, she shares about her journey making it to the Olympics and how the rape played a role in her becoming a champion:

Watch her win the bronze!