Are you comfortable in your body?

For many survivors of childhood s*xual abuse, the journey toward healing can be fraught with discomfort. The body often becomes a site of trauma, a vessel that holds memories and sensations tied to painful experiences. The complex relationship between the mind and body can make living in one’s skin feel like a challenge.

Yet, within this discomfort lies the potential for profound healing and self-discovery.

From the moment abuse occurs, the body begins to absorb the trauma. This can manifest in various ways—chronic pain, anxiety, dissociation, and a persistent sense of unease. Many people report feeling disconnected from their bodies, as if they exist in a state of constant tension, waiting for the next threat. The body becomes a reminder of the past, complicating the process of moving forward.

Recognizing this discomfort is the first step toward reclaiming one's physical self. It is essential to acknowledge the feelings that arise when faced with one’s body, whether they be fear, shame, or even anger. Understanding that these feelings are valid and rooted in lived experience can be empowering.

While the journey often begins with confronting pain, it is also essential to seek out and cultivate moments of pleasure. Pleasure can be a powerful antidote to trauma, reminding survivors that their bodies are capable of joy, connection, and intimacy. This could involve simple practices, such as:

Mindful Movement: Engaging in activities like yoga, dance, or tai chi can foster a sense of agency and connection to the body. These practices encourage awareness and presence, allowing you to reclaim your physicality in a safe environment.

Sensory Exploration: Engaging the senses through activities like cooking, gardening, or art can create positive associations with the body. Focusing on textures, tastes, and colors can help you reconnect with their physical selves in an enjoyable way.

Therapeutic Touch: For some, exploring non-sexual touch—such as massage or cuddling with a pet—can help to re-establish a sense of safety and comfort in their bodies. This can facilitate healing by allowing you to experience affection without fear or trauma.

The most important thing is to approach healing with compassion and patience.

You may encounter setbacks or days when discomfort overwhelms you. Acknowledging these moments as part of the journey is crucial.

The good news is - we can reclaim our bodies and...

• Learn to treat ourselves with kindness
• Develop a deeper awareness of bodily sensations
• Learn to differentiate between discomfort that signals danger and discomfort that signifies growth

Living in the body as a survivor of childhood s*xual abuse is undeniably complex. However, by exploring both discomfort and pleasure, we can carve out a path toward healing and foster a more profound connection to our bodies, ultimately leading to a more fulfilling life.

To feeling comfortable in your own skin!
Rachel

P.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self session.

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RESOURCE OF THE MONTH

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UPCOMING EVENTS

October 10th, 4:30p-6p PT / 7:30p-9p ET 

LIVE ZOOM EVENT

Join us for an empowering and supportive live Q&A session designed specifically for survivors of childhood trauma. This safe and compassionate space is dedicated to fostering healing, understanding, and growth so you can live your best damn life!

Learn More & Register Here

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in partnership with CPTSD Foundation

October 14th

LIVING IN OUR BODIES

As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, many of us find living in our bodies discomforting. Our abuse is taken in through our bodies and our bodies hold a record of our memories. We will explore the discomforts and pleasures, the way healing is related, and any lessons you've learned along the way for living in your body.

Learn More & Register Here

Did you have shitty parents?

 

Parent wounds are emotional injuries inflicted by our caregivers, often during our formative years. 

These wounds can manifest as feelings of inadequacy, neglect, or unmet needs, impacting our self-esteem and relationships well into adulthood. 

Healing from such wounds is a crucial step toward emotional well-being and personal growth. Here’s a guide to help navigate this complex journey toward restoration.

First, we begin to identify the relationships in our lives that are really broken or missing and acknowledge that a parent wound exists and its impact. 

This involves recognizing and accepting the impact this person’s behavior or absence has had on your emotional health. Reflect on specific instances or patterns that contributed to your wound. 

Explore how your parent wound influences your self-perception, relationships, and behavior. Notice patterns in your relationships, such as seeking validation or avoiding intimacy, which may be linked to unresolved issues with your parents.

Journaling can be a helpful tool in this process, allowing you to articulate your feelings and experiences.

Next, we want to notice how we are trying to fill that void with other people, as in “this person is going to take the place of that person.” 

So what I want to offer you today is that our goal needs to be instead, to acknowledge and be present to what the people in our lives are giving us, but to recognize that it's not going to fill any particular gap that's been left there by another person. 

So imagine it like this: 

You have like this father shaped space, and let's just say it's shaped like a triangle. Now your father maybe was an absent father or was an abuser, and so this space is not filled with the love or the nurturing or the compassion or the care that we would have wanted you to have gained or had from a father. 

Now, the people in your life who might be giving you love or nurturing in the present day, their love is shaped like a circle, so it is love or nurturing or care, and it feels good, but we can't take it and try to shove it into this father shaped space, because when we do that, two things happen. 

First, you actually feel unfulfilled, and second, you miss out on the love you're actually receiving. 

So at the end of the day, it's about allowing the desire to be loved to be fulfilled in other ways, instead of trying to replace the love or whatever it might be, nurturing, compassion, understanding that was missed, even protection. 

So the next step then is to make our peace with the space. It is just a space. 

Here's the spot where the dad's love, the mother's compassion, the sisters support was supposed to be.

So it's about letting the space be there. And this doesn't mean we have to like it, and that we won't be sad sometimes because of the space, but there's actually nothing bad or wrong with it being there. 

For example, one of my clients had a father shaped space, a space in which he didn't receive any nurturing from his father, and in his relationship with his girlfriend, he was constantly making her responsible for replacing that nurturing. And so he was on the watch all the time for any signs that she wasn't being nurturing, and that would cause a big trigger, because she was responsible for that, and if she was anything less than that, that was a problem.

And then, of course, it was exhausting, because no matter how much nurturing she would give to him, it was never going to be enough to fill that space because it didn't fit; because she's not his father. 

So bottom line, we want to be really careful to not make other people in our lives responsible for filling the spaces that are there because of other people in our lives who abdicated that responsibility or didn't show up, and instead, we want to focus on receiving what they are offering and taking at it as its own thing. 

So take some time and check and notice, is there any way that you're doing this in your life? Is there anyone you're making responsible to fill the space that you have you?

Want to learn more about healing the parent wound? Be sure to check out this upcoming summit!


To healing!

P.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self session.

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UPCOMING EVENTS

Registration is officially OPEN for Healing the Parent Wound!

This online event was created to help you heal from the impact of your mother or father wound so you can create the authentic life you deserve and desire.

The retreat begins September 10 and it’s going to be 3 days of transformative teaching that you won’t want to miss.

Learn More & Register Here

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in partnership with CPTSD Foundation

September 9th

SHAME

As survivors of childhood abuse, one of the most persistent and pervasive feelings we experience is shame. It affects our sense of self, our inner emotional lives, our relationships, and more. 

Learn More & Register Here

Cultivate Both Calm and Success By Using These Stress-Free Self-Improvement Methods

 

Photo via Pexels

 

Embarking on a journey of personal development offers the dual promise of enhancing one's skills and broadening horizons. However, this path requires careful navigation to avoid the pitfalls of burnout that can derail progress. By adopting mindful and strategic approaches, one can foster sustainable growth and resilience. This guide, presented by Rachel Grant Coaching, provides key principles to help maintain your well-being while pursuing your developmental aspirations.

Start with Clear, Manageable Steps

Setting realistic and clear objectives is crucial in achieving your personal development goals. Big dreams are important, but breaking them down into manageable steps prevents you from feeling overwhelmed and allows you to celebrate small achievements. For example, if learning a new language is your goal, start with basic phrases before advancing to full conversations. This structured approach helps make each step achievable and keeps motivation levels high.

Cultivate Mindfulness to Stay Grounded

Incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine can dramatically improve your focus and reduce stress, aiding your personal development. Practices such as meditation and deep breathing exercises not only help in reducing anxiety but also enhance your ability to remain present and focused amidst challenges. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, a few minutes of mindfulness can reset your mental state and sharpen your focus, preparing you to tackle your goals with a calm mindset.

Balance Your Schedule for Optimal Productivity

Maintaining a balanced schedule is essential for personal growth and avoiding burnout. Designate time blocks for work, development activities, leisure, and rest to ensure a healthy balance that sustains your energy and productivity. For instance, integrate personal development into your weekly schedule to make it a routine part of your life, rather than an additional burden. This approach not only boosts productivity but also helps you stay energized and committed to your goals.

The Advantages of Online Learning

Pursuing an online degree can significantly enhance your educational and professional trajectory due to its inherent flexibility and accessibility. The option to study remotely allows you to integrate learning seamlessly into your daily life, fostering improved time management and self-discipline. You may consider this path especially rewarding in fields like nursing, where obtaining a master’s degree online can open doors to specialized roles such as nurse educator, informatics specialist, administrator, or advanced practice nurse.

Adaptability as a Key to Sustained Growth

Being adaptable is vital when pursuing personal development, as unexpected challenges can arise. Embrace flexibility in your plans to accommodate these changes without derailing your progress. If setbacks occur, instead of giving up, reassess and adjust your plans accordingly. For example, if a missed deadline disrupts your schedule, extend your timeline or modify your objectives to better suit your current circumstances, keeping your growth journey on track.

Make Self-Care a Non-Negotiable Priority

Prioritizing self-care is crucial to maintaining the energy needed to achieve your personal development goals. Ensure you're getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and taking time to relax. These basic needs are often overlooked in the pursuit of personal growth but are foundational to sustained success. When your body and mind are well-nourished and rested, you’re better equipped to tackle challenges and stay focused on your goals.

Keep Your Journey Enjoyable

Finding pleasure in your personal development activities is crucial for maintaining motivation over the long haul. Opt for pursuits that capture your genuine interest, ensuring that your self-improvement efforts are both stimulating and enjoyable. Engage in activities like acquiring a new skill, delving into subjects that intrigue you, or embracing a hobby that sparks joy. If your personal development tasks begin to feel burdensome, consider this a signal to revitalize your approach with options that bring excitement and fulfillment.

Achieving personal development goals is a rewarding yet demanding process that necessitates a balanced approach to sustain both enthusiasm and health. As you strive for growth, remember that the journey is as important as the destination. Implementing practices that prevent overload and promote well-being is crucial for long-term success.

What it takes to trust others...

Trusting our own heart and mind and others is definitely a skill we have to acquire in order to thrive. Being our most authentic self, marching to the beat of our own drum, charting a course that is alignment with our own values all rely on trust.

Yet, for many, the journey to trust can be hindered by past experiences of abuse, which often sow seeds of self-doubt. However, overcoming these challenges is not just possible but essential for reclaiming one's narrative and identity. 

Building trust requires consistency, integrity, and mutual respect. It often begins with small interactions that demonstrate reliability and goodwill. These interactions create a sense of predictability and safety, reinforcing the belief that the other person can be relied upon.

Communication: Open and honest communication is crucial for building trust. When individuals express themselves clearly and listen attentively to others, they demonstrate respect and create a foundation for understanding.

Reliability: Consistently following through on commitments and promises builds trust. When someone demonstrates reliability in their actions, it shows they value the relationship and respect the other person's expectations.

Integrity: Acting in accordance with ethical principles and demonstrating honesty in interactions fosters trust. Integrity involves being truthful and transparent, even when faced with difficult situations.

Empathy and Understanding: Showing empathy and understanding towards others' feelings and perspectives helps build trust. When individuals feel heard and validated, they are more likely to trust that their needs and emotions are respected.

Once trust is established, it requires ongoing effort and nurturing to maintain:

Consistency: Continuously demonstrating reliability, honesty, and empathy reinforces trust over time.

Respect: Respecting boundaries, honoring commitments, and valuing differences sustain trust and strengthen relationships.

Repairing Trust: When trust is compromised, addressing issues promptly, apologizing sincerely, and taking corrective actions are essential for rebuilding trust.

Despite its challenges, trust brings numerous benefits. Trust fosters deeper connections, intimacy, and emotional support within relationships.  Feeling trusted and trusting others also contributes to greater emotional resilience, satisfaction, and overall well-being.

Even though abuse may cause you to be full of self-doubt, it does not have to remain this way. You can learn to trust yourself and your decisions and show up in the world as the amazing unique person you are!

Want to learn more about trusting others? Be sure to check out this month's Thrive Tribe!



To building strong connections!

P.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self session.

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RESOURCE OF THE MONTH

For years, Antonia silently navigated the dark fathoms of her internalized pain, which manifested in myriad self-destructive habits: disordered eating, drug and alcohol abuse. Only decades later, while recovering from a serious bike accident, did she finally stop running and start reflecting—giving her the power to fully accept what had happened to her in her early life and ultimately forgive the unforgivable.

Raw and visceral yet gorgeously lyrical, Underwater Daughter masterfully conveys not only the rippling effects of childhood trauma but also the hope that with honesty and work, healing is possible.

Get a copy

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UPCOMING EVENTS

NEXT THRIVE TRIBE!

DISCERNMENT & TRUSTING OTHERS

LIVE ZOOM EVENT!

August 8th, 4:30p-6p PT / 7:30p-9p ET

Join us for this transformative workshop and leave with the confidence to navigate your relationships with discernment and trust. Whether in your personal or professional life, these skills will help you build stronger, more authentic connections.

Learn More & Register Here

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in partnership with CPTSD Foundation

August 12th

PTSD

For survivors of childhood sexual abuse, PTSD is an anxiety disorder that is directly related to exposure to abuse and experiences of intense fear, helplessness, or horror. We will discuss PTSD, its symptoms, how memory is impacted, and how to overcome PTSD. 

Learn More & Register Here

When a sibling causes harm...

This month - we are going to address an often ignored topic: sibling s*xual abuse. Over the 17 years of doing this work, I've supported countless people in healing from this type of abuse, which has it's own unique aspects that need to be looked at and addressed in order to process and integrate the trauma and move forward.

Sibling s*xual abuse is a deeply distressing experience that can have profound effects on individuals. Unlike abuse by a stranger or an adult, sibling abuse occurs within the intimate circle of family life, making the path to healing complex and challenging. The added component that the sibling may have been a minor often leads people to further dismiss or not know how/if to hold the person accountable.

Sibling s*xual abuse involves any s*xual activity between siblings where one is the aggressor (regardless of age!) and the other is the victim. It can range from inappropriate touching to other forms of s*xual assault. Due to the familial bond and the complexities of sibling relationships, victims often face unique emotional and psychological struggles.

Yet healing is possible!

Victims of sibling s*xual abuse may experience a range of emotions including shame, guilt, fear, confusion, and anger. They may struggle with feelings of betrayal and a loss of trust not only in the abuser but also in other family members who may not have intervened or believed them.

In my work, helping clients come to terms with the reality of the abuse is the first crucial step. Many survivors of sibling abuse may initially minimize or rationalize what happened due to feelings of loyalty or fear of disrupting family dynamics. Acknowledging the abuse and accepting its impact is essential for moving forward.

Another big step is learning how to navigate family dynamics. In some cases, family therapy may be beneficial to address communication breakdowns, establish accountability, and create a safe environment for healing. 

Healing from sibling s*xual abuse is possible with support, understanding, and a commitment to self-care. Survivors deserve compassion, validation, and the opportunity to rebuild their lives free from the trauma of their past experiences.

By acknowledging the abuse, seeking help, and nurturing yourself, you can reclaim your sense of agency and move forward on your journey towards healing.

To healing!

P.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self session.

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I connect with Keeper Catran-Whitney and we discuss a very important and often ignored topic: the hidden trauma brothers experience after learning their sisters have been sexually abused.

We discuss the importance of brothers being invited to engage, so they can become allies with their sisters and also heal in their own right.

This hidden trauma must no longer be so!

Keeper wants you to know, “We must provide counseling, develop tools, and build support systems for brothers who are in trauma after learning their sister has been sexually abused in the home. We must first recognize that brothers are not unfeeling bystanders or gawking onlookers. Once we learn our sisters have been sexually abused in the home, we are victims like them.”

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RESOURCE OF THE MONTH

Resolve is an intimate, wild ride from darkness and confusion to triumphant self-determination and inner peace. Living with a dark secret inside her, Alice Perle has overcome many obstacles on her path to healing in the shadow of sibling s*xual abuse. Needing to understand her experiences at a deeper level, Alice's personal story is interwoven with her fascinating explorations of societal and intergenerational factors. Resolve showcases an eclectic approach to healing that helped Alice reclaim her true self, freeing her to create a bright, joyous, peaceful life. Respectfully and sensitively written, Resolve is infused with hope and optimism. It is an inspiring story, offering us an intriguing window into one woman's experience recovering from sibling s*xual abuse-the hidden taboo.

Get a copy

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UPCOMING EVENTS

FREE SUMMIT

STARTS JULY 8TH

Have you experienced Betrayal? How about Abandonment? Please join me and over 30 other experts for AVAIYA University’s Healing Abandonment & Betrayal Trauma online series

Learn More & Register Here

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NEXT THRIVE TRIBE!

DISCERNMENT & TRUSTING OTHERS

LIVE ZOOM EVENT!

August 8th, 4:30p-6p PT / 7:30p-9p ET

Join us for this transformative workshop and leave with the confidence to navigate your relationships with discernment and trust. Whether in your personal or professional life, these skills will help you build stronger, more authentic connections.

Learn More & Register Here

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in partnership with CPTSD Foundation

July 8th

INTIMACY

As survivors of childhood sexual abuse, we bring certain issues to our intimate relationships. Some of the issues that complicate intimate relationships for us are power, control, trust, and self-esteem. Usually, there are patterns in our intimate relationships that have a lot to do with our childhood sexual abuse.

Learn More & Register Here