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This article is the fourth and last in a series in which I
discuss the relationship between the fear of authority figures, because of
narcissistic parenting (devoid of empathy, pathologically selfish and entitled,
exceedingly arrogant, grandiose, liar, empty self-obsession). The relational
form of narcissistic parenting is one of inherent bullying, chronic demands for
narcissistic demands, imposition, suffocating, demeaning and demanding - cementing
the pain with a lack of empathy. The
child of a narcissistic parent is trapped in their parent’s underground land of
Fake Make Believe, where the parent is the ever-looming omnipotent despotic
ruler. The child has no escape, but to
create defenses of their own, purely for survival. The narcissistic parent is thoroughly
convinced of their Fake Make-Believe land, constantly forcing the child to step
into the picture the parent carved out for them.
Perhaps the child becomes resilient, well-defended, and
determined never to be bullied again.
Such a person may employ their belief system that “all authority figures are bullies, to be feared, hated, admired,
emulated, or avoided.” Some children
will identify with the aggressor, in this case, their narc parent, in order to
ensure they won’t be abandoned, hurt, betrayed or abused, as they have
oft-times witnessed the narc to do to everyone else. Fear and a False Self can become the child’s
only companion, as they battle an impossible, frightening Medusa.
Please join me this week, as we visit your own personal
Garden of Eden, and the wisdom it will reveal for your unique journey.
Close your eyes and imagine it is a warm summer day, late in June. The sun is laughingly kissing the fields, children tumble on the soft dirt, and insects, flies, bees, birds and animals all seem to think they were one on this precious day of light. You are in your own personal garden, humming along as you tend to your precious plants, fruits and vegetables, all nourishing each other.
In the middle of your
garden, there is a small pond of happy fish, dancing to the tune of their own
harmony. Hear the sweet laughter of
children, cheerful Bambi, and the elderly neighbors who find every reason to
smile when they see you.
Close your eyes and imagine it is a warm summer day, late in June. The sun is laughingly kissing the fields, children tumble on the soft dirt, and insects, flies, bees, birds and animals all seem to think they were one on this precious day of light. You are in your own personal garden, humming along as you tend to your precious plants, fruits and vegetables, all nourishing each other.
As you sit on the comfortable bench, you are visited by a
part of yourself that you have long-rejected. Perhaps you have a deep-seated terror of rejection or abandonment, of
being unlovable, alone, unworthy of love and belonging. You can give this part of you a playful
nickname, something that will allow you to bring this long-forgotten part of
you, closer to you, to sit beside you and share its wisdom.
Imagine that you can have a conversation with that part of you, allowing it to talk with you about how it came to be, what are its aches, pains, and wisdom for healing.
Imagine that you can have a conversation with that part of you, allowing it to talk with you about how it came to be, what are its aches, pains, and wisdom for healing.
Choose any part of you and imagine that it has come from
behind its hiding place and is now cautiously approaching you. You may be
surprised to discover that it is like a small child, with eager eyes, filled
with pools of hurt, kindness and intimidation.
Perhaps this child is a solitary thinker brainwashed and tricked, holding on to old thinking, outdated, and without corroboration. Lovingly tell this part that you are here; available and willing to love, nurture and guide it back to wholeness. Explain that s/he is not responsible for the cruel and cold parenting they were subjected to, and that you are ever-present for them.
Perhaps this child is a solitary thinker brainwashed and tricked, holding on to old thinking, outdated, and without corroboration. Lovingly tell this part that you are here; available and willing to love, nurture and guide it back to wholeness. Explain that s/he is not responsible for the cruel and cold parenting they were subjected to, and that you are ever-present for them.
You may be surprised that what you have most long-dreaded, is
nothing but a sweet and lost child who will grow into a healthy and healed
part. Breathe deeply and watch a
once-suffering part of you giggle and skip in the open garden.
The volcano will always be there, where you can learn from the energy of your wounds, but you don’t have to live there.
The open garden will always have its arms outstretched, daily awaiting your visitation, where you rest, rejuvenate and love yourself to genuine, ever-lasting resolution and healing.
The volcano will always be there, where you can learn from the energy of your wounds, but you don’t have to live there.
The open garden will always have its arms outstretched, daily awaiting your visitation, where you rest, rejuvenate and love yourself to genuine, ever-lasting resolution and healing.
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For a full list of her publications, credentials, and ways to get in contact with Rivka Edery, please visit her website at http://www.rivkaedery.com
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