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This article is the second in a series of four articles, in
which I discuss the relationship between the fear of authority figures, because
of narcissistic parenting (devoid of empathy, pathologically selfish and
entitled, exceedingly arrogant, liar, empty self-obsession).
The relational form of narcissistic parenting is one of bullying, imposition, suffocating, demeaning and demanding - cementing the pain with a lack of empathy. Perhaps the child becomes resilient, well-defended, and determined never to be bullied again.
Such a person may employ their belief system that "all authority figures are bullies, to be feared, hated, admired, emulated, or avoided." A common core reason of the fear of authority figures, may be because the body (where traumatic memories are stored), and the brain (which also stores memories, and distributes the necessary chemicals as it sees fit), will get into action if they are called to duty.
The relational form of narcissistic parenting is one of bullying, imposition, suffocating, demeaning and demanding - cementing the pain with a lack of empathy. Perhaps the child becomes resilient, well-defended, and determined never to be bullied again.
Such a person may employ their belief system that "all authority figures are bullies, to be feared, hated, admired, emulated, or avoided." A common core reason of the fear of authority figures, may be because the body (where traumatic memories are stored), and the brain (which also stores memories, and distributes the necessary chemicals as it sees fit), will get into action if they are called to duty.
We left off last week, on a journey forth to new territory
within ourselves, examining areas of intense reactivity, where we are
courageously stepping closer to our inner volcano.
We remain open and curious as to what is inside it. What sets it off, and does the Unconscious Army take charge, without your consent? However, prior to entering the mysteries of our inner volcano, we must extend the necessary preparations. Our goal in stepping closer, is to open our minds with open-ended questions.
Please join me this week as I investigate the royal road to the mysterious underground volcano, as it pertains to authority figures, narcissistic parenting, and your role in all of this.
We remain open and curious as to what is inside it. What sets it off, and does the Unconscious Army take charge, without your consent? However, prior to entering the mysteries of our inner volcano, we must extend the necessary preparations. Our goal in stepping closer, is to open our minds with open-ended questions.
Please join me this week as I investigate the royal road to the mysterious underground volcano, as it pertains to authority figures, narcissistic parenting, and your role in all of this.
Let us look at the relationship between loneliness because of
overt and relational forms of narcissistic childhood (bullying) and resiliency. It is common for children of narcissistic (“narc”)
parenting to experience being bullied by their narc parent.
After all, narcissists are true bullies: they will do anything, and cross all boundaries, to get their way. Often, they are very secretive, deceitful, and with an agenda they keep carefully guarded. With a grandiose sense of entitlement, gross arrogance, and little to no regard for others, they will plunge into the spoils of another’s psyche, rob them of whatever supply then need, and then classically discard the child.
Children of narc parents, like all children, are vulnerable and entirely dependent on the caregiver/parent. Their lives are literally dependent on their primary parent. In the cruelest twist, the narc wields their power, with a sword that is sharp and blazing with narcissistic rage. The child must develop their own defenses, and do everything in their capabilities to adapt, and survive. But what happens to all the rage, pain, fear, and sense of devaluation that permeates the child’s being?
After all, narcissists are true bullies: they will do anything, and cross all boundaries, to get their way. Often, they are very secretive, deceitful, and with an agenda they keep carefully guarded. With a grandiose sense of entitlement, gross arrogance, and little to no regard for others, they will plunge into the spoils of another’s psyche, rob them of whatever supply then need, and then classically discard the child.
Children of narc parents, like all children, are vulnerable and entirely dependent on the caregiver/parent. Their lives are literally dependent on their primary parent. In the cruelest twist, the narc wields their power, with a sword that is sharp and blazing with narcissistic rage. The child must develop their own defenses, and do everything in their capabilities to adapt, and survive. But what happens to all the rage, pain, fear, and sense of devaluation that permeates the child’s being?
The core pain is never validated if there is no reliable investigation,
and intervention, into this kind of deep abuse of the mind. Very often, children of narcs are abused in
sexual, physical, and other ways; a complete violation of a humanistic ethics code.
Even if there is an absence of physical abuse, the dynamic between the narc and their abused child, is highly toxic, with childhood wounds that may remain invisible for the rest of the child’s life. The child may display signs of resiliency (bounce-back), disconnect, fear and compliance of authority-figures, aggression towards others, or harbor a hidden hatred towards themselves.
It is unsafe to express displeasure towards a narc, especially in such a volatile parent-child dynamic. After all, the child has lived a life of being in service to the adult, perhaps void of a true self, and in constant danger of being shoved down the dark, deep pit of mental anguish. The child must struggle to survive, and escape the loneliness, developing certain character defenses and traits, that may be dysfunctional later in life.
Even if there is an absence of physical abuse, the dynamic between the narc and their abused child, is highly toxic, with childhood wounds that may remain invisible for the rest of the child’s life. The child may display signs of resiliency (bounce-back), disconnect, fear and compliance of authority-figures, aggression towards others, or harbor a hidden hatred towards themselves.
It is unsafe to express displeasure towards a narc, especially in such a volatile parent-child dynamic. After all, the child has lived a life of being in service to the adult, perhaps void of a true self, and in constant danger of being shoved down the dark, deep pit of mental anguish. The child must struggle to survive, and escape the loneliness, developing certain character defenses and traits, that may be dysfunctional later in life.
As you pause and reflect on your road to the volcano, you
suddenly notice a strange-looking mirror a few feet ahead of you. You bend down
to pick up this mystical mirror, left by the person gone before you. Your heart flutters, your mind is open and
ripe with curiosity and openness, and your soul sings in tongues unfamiliar to
you. Can this be the beginning of your
liberation?
Read Part 3, as we examine this mystical mirror, and the treasures it might lead you to.
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For a full list of her publications, credentials, and ways to get in contact with Rivka Edery, please visit her website at http://www.rivkaedery.com
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