This month, you will get to learn from Jen Evans and Frances Goodall of the Women's Wellness Center based in the UK. Jen will start us off! In this post, Jen shares about the different types of trauma and how understanding this helped her to finally understand why she always felt the way she did.
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"Other people have trauma. They have terrible experiences that
make them unwell, behave strangely, feel overwhelmed. What a horrible world. No
wonder they have problems. I don’t have that excuse though. Nothing awful has
ever happened to me. So I just need to get a grip and get on with life."
That’s what I used to think. Trauma was something that existed outside
of my experience, it happened to other people, and a lot of those people had
the same issues as me - lifelong ill health, depression and anxiety, and then
finally, a physical crash into Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS).
Sometimes I perversely wished that something had happened
to me, so I’d at least have something tangible to work with, to hang reason and
cause on to.
I started to get an inkling that my childhood might not have been
as "normal" as I thought it was when I started seeing a counselor in my early
30s. I had just returned to work after 6 months off, alternating between bed-
and house-bound with crushing fatigue and nausea. Every session ended up
revolving around my dad.
Every time I went back in there I was determined to leave him out
of it, and talk about me, what I wanted and how I felt. But it always
came back to him, whichever route I took. My anger spilled out. I was sick of
everything always being about him. He couldn’t be the reason I was ill and felt
so helpless. There must be something else.
Fast forward 3 years, and I was attending group therapeutic
coaching sessions with a handful of women all suffering with CFS, too. I had
found my people. And they all felt similarly to me. But I was still looking for
the reason, the root to my ongoing illness and this rage that burnt me daily,
kept me awake at night, crippling my body and making the world seem very, very
small.
It was during one of these group sessions that the coach brought
up the topic of trauma. Trauma can be a root cause of physical issues. We
must deal with our trauma to heal our mind, body and spirit.
I agreed. I had started to understand the link between the mind,
emotions and body, and had bought into the theory that emotional stress could
manifest as physical dis-stress, or disease. But these other women had trauma,
proper trauma, repressed memories and ancestral trauma. I still didn’t fit
here.
And then the most crucial piece of information was dropped into
the conversation. There are different kinds of trauma. There is "big T
Trauma" - war, natural disasters, terrible accidents, sexual and physical
abuse, the kind defined as being an actual threat to life. But there is
also "little t trauma" - an accumulation of everyday, less pronounced events
that cause distress, broadly defined as a perceived threat to life.
BOOM. There it was. At last, a clear and valid outline of my
experiences. I had been subject to lifelong mental and emotional abuses by my
unstable father. On a daily basis there was rageful criticism, humiliation,
rejection, abandonment, co-dependency, alcohol and drug abuse and fears for
physical safety.
I had spent so many years accepting his behavior and excusing it
because I didn’t consider it a "big T trauma" My belief was that there was so
much worse out there, and whatever I had to deal with, it wasn’t that bad in
comparison. I had no idea the effect that it was having on my belief system, my
body, my soul. I thought I just had to survive it and keep going.
On learning that I had indeed experienced an onslaught of almost
constant traumatic experiences throughout my life, I was finally able to
frame my experience as something that was valid.
The pain and distress I had felt my entire life made sense now.
It wasn’t just a random set of experiences I had to stuff down and try to just
cope with; these were ongoing traumas that were the root of my mental,
emotional, spiritual and physical dis-ease.
The Chronic Fatigue was my body giving in under the strain of 30
years of trauma. I had nothing left to give, no space left in me to store the
hurt, sadness and rage. I hit rock bottom, and in that place I was led to the
truth: I am traumatized. I am a victim. I didn’t deserve it. And I have the
power to heal it.
The trauma, the continual "perceived" threat to my existence,
created a belief system in me that had me on continual alert for attack.
Hyper-vigilance and a permanently stimulated nervous system can lead to many
physical symptoms, as the nervous system was designed to click into the stress
response - flight, flight or freeze - for particular life-threatening
circumstances; those that threatened life and limb, to help us to react in a
way that might save our own life.
When the tiger jumps out of the bushes, its great to have a serge
of adrenaline and cortisol to run like hell and not worry about anything else.
But it was designed to click back out of this state soon after, to rest and
heal from the trauma.
So when that stress system gets stimulated many times over, in
repeated instances of trauma - as well as in big instances - it can get stuck
in overdrive. This unnaturally long state of arousal can cause many unpleasant
physical symptoms, and in my case led to CFS.
I was in a permanent state of stress. I was permanently primed for
attack.
My healing journey has been one of recognizing this, accepting
the origins of these stress triggers, and taking the steps to heal the trauma
experiences that led me to my physical and mental breakdown.
It’s a process. There wasn’t any one moment of release, relief,
healing; there have been many and there continue to be many as I process, heal
and release the trauma I have stored inside my body for my whole life.
Working with trauma has been the foundation of my recovery
journey. Learning that there are different types of trauma, and all are valid -
they can all cause an over-stimulation of the flight/ flight / freeze response
- gave me the power to really start dealing with my past.
I dedicate my life now to supporting others to recognise and heal
their trauma. It is something that was never supposed to be yours. Releasing
its effects in your life can benefit your experience of life, but also the
lives of those around us and those that come after us. In this way, dealing
with our own trauma can change the world.
Your experience is valid. Let’s keep coming together to share our
truth and heal the trauma. It’s the way to our health, and our freedom.
Membership to The
Women’s Wellness Circle, a supportive online healing space for women recovering
from chronic illness and trauma, is available from mid-October 2018. See womenswellnesscircle.com for more details and to access our free "Reclaim your Health" course.
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Jen is a dedicated and compassionate Wellness Coach, EFT and
Matrix-Reimprinting Practitioner, teacher, writer and (slightly obsessive!)
herb gardener.
Jen spent a lifetime with varying degrees of stress-related
illnesses that culminated in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in 2012. Through her
recovery journey she tried - well, everything - from diets to bodywork to
energy medicine and beyond.
Jen recovered her heath when she awoke to the lifelong trauma
she had experienced and dedicated herself to healing and releasing it, using a
variety of techniques including coaching, EFT and Matrix-Reimprinting, ACE and
meditation.
She now strives to support others to realize their abundant
power to heal and live fulfilled lives.
Jen is Co-Director of the Women’s Wellness Circle www.womenswellnesscircle.com, and is available for
1-2-1 coaching sessions - see more details at her website www.balanceandflow.org
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