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Post One - We explored how perceiving love as a verb keeps us aware of the way we’re referencing past love experiences and how we choose to move forward in the way we love.
Post Two - We emphasized the importance of knowing our values. As individuals, we weighed the significance of how being increasingly more in alignment with ourselves, protects us and others from harming one another.
Post Three - We concluded that it’s each person’s responsibility within a relationship to row (take action) towards it’s best journey. However, we, as individuals, only have the ability to take responsibility for our own actions and choices of how and what kind of boat (relationship) to be in with others.
So let’s say we’ve got all those things in check. We’re loving with profound and proactive maturity. We know what we value, what we want and what’s realistic to expect from others. And lastly, we take responsibility for our part, show up and love with great care and effort. The final question we’ll ask is how can we make love last? The quick answer is, you won’t run out.
Remember, from this perspective, love is not a thing. It’s a verb. So we choose to keep loving, for as long as we choose to. The question can actually be answered more clearly by exploring it from the opposite direction. What ends love?
Sabotage - What’s happening: We are still referencing past experiences of conditional objectified love. Through this, we’ve concluded that we’re somehow unworthy of love, so we create or allow obstacles to prove that we’re unlovable. So we conclude, "See, I knew i wasn’t lovable!" Manifest destiny.
The antidote: Check your self-esteem with a fine tooth comb. We may or may not be consciously doing this, but check to see if there was some belief that you had about yourself, that just won’t let love continue. Do you believe you’re worthy, lovable and amazing for a lot of things, except in regards to (fill in the blank)? Maybe you think you’re good at short term, long distance or you should only be with people within a certain status or culture? Some people believe, "only other people deserve to be loved." We are all loved. (Revisit Post One) We may be putting our secret forces to work on "how to close myself off to love". Ask yourself about how you might be doing that. Open up to the possibility that perhaps you get to have lasting love, without being attached to what it looks like.
Pride - What’s happening: We aren’t willing to ask for what we want (or don’t want) because we’re ashamed, think we shouldn’t or believe we shouldn’t have to. Again, we may not be conscious that we’re doing this. Perhaps we want a little more of one of the five love languages: quality time, touch, gifts, service and or words.
Pride - What’s happening: We aren’t willing to ask for what we want (or don’t want) because we’re ashamed, think we shouldn’t or believe we shouldn’t have to. Again, we may not be conscious that we’re doing this. Perhaps we want a little more of one of the five love languages: quality time, touch, gifts, service and or words.
The Antidote: Check your humility. Can you start by telling yourself your secret wishes and desires? Can you hold space for yourself the possibility that you’re willing to entertain the possibility of getting what you want? And then, if appropriate, can you take a risk by telling your loved one what you would love to see happen or change?
Distraction - What’s happening: We’re so distracted with our, perhaps stagnant, values and wishes. In fact, I would go as far as to say sometimes we’re not even paying attention, at all. If we fail to notice that we need to take actions to seek out the wisdom to sustain the love, we are failing our own capacity to love. We may miss the boat all together!
Distraction - What’s happening: We’re so distracted with our, perhaps stagnant, values and wishes. In fact, I would go as far as to say sometimes we’re not even paying attention, at all. If we fail to notice that we need to take actions to seek out the wisdom to sustain the love, we are failing our own capacity to love. We may miss the boat all together!
The Antidote: Pay attention with concentrated effort. If you or your partner is experiencing the same problem over and over, something needs to be addressed. And it may take some time to resolve, but hoping it’s not serious or that it will go away on it’s own, will not nourish the expansion of love.
Fear of Loss - What’s happening: We’re afraid that if we show our love too much, that we will run out. Perhaps, in the past, we witnessed someone opening up to love and experiencing tragic loss.
Fear of Loss - What’s happening: We’re afraid that if we show our love too much, that we will run out. Perhaps, in the past, we witnessed someone opening up to love and experiencing tragic loss.
The Antidote: Love is everywhere and it’s abundant. We need to really feel in to how love is everywhere and that it’s bottomless. To be clear, we’re not talking about an immature unrequited love. We’re talking about fully present love with the clarity of understanding that we cannot run out of love. It’s not like we each get a bottle of love when we’re born and as we go through our life we run out in some finite moment. Love is a verb. You don’t run out of something that’s a do. It’s not a thing. You either love or you don’t.
Making Love Last
Making Love Last
So how can we make love last? We keep loving. Keep engaging yourself in how to love more and better with wisdom and compassion. Difficult relationships can be made navigable. However, it doesn’t mean we stay in relationships that are harmful for us or the other person. The important take away, is to always find a way back to love within our hearts. So yes, it may mean loving someone from afar in a quiet inner way, while staying physically or emotionally
safe. Love someone that harms us? Yes, safely. Because who is suffering from resentment and blame, we are. So make love last, by loving persistently. Learn how to forgive, so you can keep loving fearlessly. Learn how to be patient, so you can love tirelessly. Learn to how to pay attention, so you can love with great care. Learn how to be respectful of varying boundaries, so you can love in a way that others are willing to receive it. This is multilayered, but keep learning, so you can keep loving. As you learn how to love, your love will naturally be more and more expansive. You will learn that it is completely possible to love anyone that comes across your path, generously.
Loving with Presence
Loving with Presence
Sometimes, if we are fortunate, we get to share the love we engage in with another person that reciprocates our love with kindness. This is a temporary privilege, so cherish it and nourish it. It is not to be taken for granted. Stay present as best as you can and soak it up. In the end, we are all to return to grandmother earth when we die. So love with an open receptive heart, love with humility, love with concentration and care, love fearlessly and generously. Even if it’s only for a moment and in complete silence. This will make love last, in your heart, regardless of whatever anyone else is up to. You get to choose to return to the path of expanding your love.
Moment by moment you can make love last.
Thank you so much for exploring co-dependency and intimacy with me for the last few weeks. I learned a lot by some of the questions I’ve been asked by my loved ones. I would love to hear about your explorations. Post in the comments below or email me at bee@healingisgiving.com. Lots of love to you! I hope this exploration brings you much love and blissful heartfelt experiences of love, for you and for you to share.
Thank you so much for exploring co-dependency and intimacy with me for the last few weeks. I learned a lot by some of the questions I’ve been asked by my loved ones. I would love to hear about your explorations. Post in the comments below or email me at bee@healingisgiving.com. Lots of love to you! I hope this exploration brings you much love and blissful heartfelt experiences of love, for you and for you to share.
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Deborah “Bee” Uytiepo
Wholistic Health Practitioner and Personal Coach.
Deborah “Bee" Uytiepo is the owner of Beelight, a women’s wholistic health and person coaching practice. Her therapeutic bodywork combines neuromuscular therapy, brain function and visceral organ health, specializing in optimal pelvic and reproductive health. Bee has studied and practiced meditation for over 30 years. She has taught meditation as a volunteer throughout Southern and Northern California for over 15+ years. In order to benefit her clients with the vast rewards of her life’s personal growth work, Bee developed The Let Go Sessions, a series of macro retreats that support your Let-Go’s, holistically and completely, body and mind. Bee is the founder and principal facilitator of Healing is Giving. Healing is Giving hosts community events, fundraisers and workshops that prioritize harm-free(dom). For a more detailed bio, please visit her website: healingisgiving.com
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