Okay parents - I am so thrilled to introduce you to Anita Butler. She is a passionate about helping moms (and moms-to-be) heal from past traumas and work through all of the layers that arise being a survivor of abuse and a parent. I know this series is going to be of great support to you!
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The road to parenthood is a sacred
life passage for all to go through it, filled with unforgettable joys, intense
trials, and so many surprises! The need
for support along the journey is often under-acknowledged in our culture, and
therefore largely unmet. The messages
expectant and new parents receive have the potential to lead to a happy,
empowering journey, or one where their fears and negative images can overtake a
time that should be full of love and wonder.
For the survivor of sexual abuse,
any number of physical sensations, social interactions or emotional experiences
could come as a sudden shock. Or maybe
they could serve to “validate” the painful, damaging messages you’ve received
over the years, which may have even morphed into your own critical,
self-loathing voice.
It could come at
any stage: anywhere from pre-conception,
through pregnancy, birth and/or breastfeeding.
And it could manifest in any number of ways, as the many physical
sensations, emotions and interactions with medical professionals (“authority
figures”) raise ghosts from the past, or even trigger anxiety or panic attacks.
And too often, the needs of
survivors go unrecognized, leaving them without support when they’re likely to
need it most. In this series of blogs
posts, we’ll be delving into how the road to parenthood can be affected by a
woman’s history of abuse, and how she may experience:
*Pre-conception,
as fertility challenges that may result from prior infection or scarring, or
maybe even worse, “unexplained” infertility that leaves you confused, even less
trusting of your body’s wisdom - and that critical, self-loathing voice? Oh my - it’s even meaner and louder than
ever;
*Pregnancy,
as any number of physical symptoms and sensations can trigger anxiety or panic
associated with being “out of control”;
*Labor
and birth, when that “out of control” anxiety ramps up to a whole new level as
the power of labor and birth takes on a life of its own - a challenge for ALL
women - but for survivors of sexual abuse, can take you to unhealed places you
may have thought you’d worked through, or maybe you’d even “forgotten”
about…but your body tells a different story.
*Postpartum
and breastfeeding, a time that can be challenging for any woman - and for the
sexual abuse survivor, it can result in intense, even dangerous, postpartum
mood disorders, flashbacks, paranoia and hyper-vigilance for your baby’s
safety.
“It” could be any or all of the
above: Unwelcome intrusions, ALL, into the
most sacred season of a woman’s or couple’s life.
OR…with awareness, compassion,
competence, and the right support, this sacred season can serve as a powerfully
healing time, when a woman reclaims her bodily sovereignty, personal power, and
her right to experience the full range of power and pleasure inherent in
conceiving, gestating, giving birth and feeding her precious baby at her own
breast.
I’m Anita Butler, owner of Sacred
Season MotherCare. I’ve been working
with women in the childbearing season since 1992, having attended over 250
births, prepared many hundreds to give birth calmly, safely and gently with
HypnoBirthing, served scores of families as a postpartum doula, and consulted
with thousands as an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant
(IBCLC).
Working so “up close and personal”
with so many women brings the horrifying statistics to life: Somewhere between 25% and 40% - some even
claim 60% - of adult women have been sexually abused some time during childhood
or more recently. Most of the time, the
abuser was someone she should have been able to trust (father or father figure,
brother, cousin, neighbor, etc.), who taught her so many cruel “life lessons:” that she can’t trust her own perceptions,
because someone she knew - maybe loved and trusted - violated that love and
trust, and may have even threatened her or someone else she loved if she
“talked;” she may have learned to expect physical and/or emotional pain with
intimacy; her power to establish her own personal boundaries was likely
decimated; she may have learned that her emotional and physical survival depend
on her acquiescence - or any number of other, equally damaging “life
lessons.” She very well may have
painfully ambiguous feelings about motherhood, part of herself deeply desiring
to be a mother, while at the same time terrified at the thought, doubting her
ability to raise a child or keep a child safe.
But it doesn’t have to be that
way.
My calling and passion - the thing
I cannot NOT do - is to empower women during this transformational time in
their life, so their journey into motherhood is characterized by confidence,
wisdom and grace.
My mission in this series of blog
posts is to preemptively diffuse a potentially anxiety-provoking experience, if
you haven’t yet gotten to the point in your life where you want to start a
family. And if you HAVE already entered
this season of life, and were shocked or dismayed to find that the experience
you dreamed of was hijacked by your body’s cellular memories or your own
unhealed emotions, you’ll find validation here:
that there’s nothing “wrong” with you.
And that your journey into motherhood is calling you into deeper
healing, stronger intuition, and renewed (or possibly “brand new”)
self-compassion and unconditional love.
I’m a seasoned teacher, doula,
hypnotherapist and lactation consultant.
But even though I’ve worked with hundreds of abuse survivors in real
life, I still learn from these amazing women, who continue to inspire and humble
me! My “mission” in these blog posts is
to share what I’ve learned so far in a way that honors the journey of so many,
and that by doing so, you will benefit.
I do hope you’ll come along, as we
delve - however imperfectly - into the various ways a survivor might experience
conception/fertility challenges, pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding: the possible triggers and the physical and
emotional scars or unhealed wounds. Most
importantly, I want you to see…no, I want you to KNOW IN YOUR BONES how this
life journey can serve your highest good - and that of your family. I want you to see how you can take the
healing work you’ve done in your head and in your heart, bring it into your
body, and back again, coming full circle, making you even stronger, more
confident, more joyful, and more loving than ever before.
I can’t wait till we’re together
again.
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Anita has been serving women in the greater Sacramento area, from
pregnancy through birth and breastfeeding for over twenty years as a birth and
postpartum doula, HypnoBirthing Childbirth Educator, International Board
Certified Lactation Consultant (BA-IBCLC), and Clinical Hypnotherapist. Her passion is to empower women, wherever in
their journey they are, at a time in their lives when self-doubt and
disempowerment are the most common experience.
She also believes that the way babies are conceived, carried and brought
into the world MATTERS: to the mothers,
the fathers, and most of all, to the babies.
It is this passion that drives her to continue studying the science and
refining her skills to her clients’ benefit.
Anita recently left Sacramento to join the Birth Education Center
of San Diego, and is thrilled to now call San Diego “home!”
Learn more at www.sacredseasonmothercare.com
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