We conclude our series this week with Anita Butler. In this post, she explores what comes up for survivors now that their baby has arrived.
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Postpartum and Breastfeeding
We’ve all heard the stories,
whether from friends, personal acquaintances, or on the news: A postpartum woman has done the unthinkable,
whether to her baby or to herself, leaving her loved ones and so many others in
unimaginable shock and grief. Seldom are
we ever told her history: what were the dynamics of her marriage/relationship,
what kind of religious background or dogma she may have adopted, whether she
was physically or sexually abused as a child, what kind of trauma she
experienced during the birth, or any number of other possibilities that may
have served to fracture her mental or emotional stability, leading to a
psychotic break.
Much more common - and commonly
accepted - is “baby blues,” the milder form of postpartum depression, which
most often calls for intervention, which may include individual therapy,
support group participation, or medication.
The early days and weeks after
giving birth are a highly sensitive time for EVERY woman. Every woman experiences enormous changes in
her body: hormones are “shifting” - to
put it mildly; her body has changed, and will continue to change in the coming
weeks and months; becoming a new mother, or expanding her family with a new
member, will bring changes to her day, the loss of control over which will
almost certainly surprise; and perhaps the biggest surprises of all may show up
in her closest relationships and in her new identity. These changes can test the self-confidence of
even the surest, most capable woman.
Add to that the relatively short
“recovery time” expected of women in our day and time, and the general lack of
postpartum support available to even the most resourced, and the gap between a
woman’s expectations and the reality of her experience can shake her to her
core.
Labor, birth and postpartum are a
unique and sacred time in every woman’s life.
There is no other time when she will be more intensely in need of mothering
than when she herself is bringing forth new life. If her own needs for emotional and physical
safety and loving touch were not met, it would be no surprise that her
challenges in meeting the needs of her own baby would be greater than those of
a woman without a history of abuse, both in number and intensity.
Specifically, in addition to the
“usual” challenges, a survivor may be haunted by self-doubt about her ability
to keep her baby safe. She may be afraid
to leave the baby with any caregiver - even the baby’s father, who may be
confused or understandably hurt over her lack of trust in him. Sexual difficulties may develop between
them. She may also have much greater
difficulty breastfeeding, especially if her breasts were the focus of some of
her prior abuse, experiencing flashbacks and/or disturbing emotions, causing
her to confuse what should be the pleasurable sensations of breastfeeding with
the incest she experienced in the past.
Add to all the above the fact that
as many as 11% of women report some level of birth related Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder (11%! and based on my own “up close and personal” contact with
many hundreds of postpartum women, I believe this number to be under-reported),
it becomes easy to see the importance of raising awareness and the right
therapy and/or support for these moms, their babies and their partners.
The good news is, simply being
aware how her history may affect her postpartum and breastfeeding experience
can be the start of taking back her power, enabling her to set a plan for the
support she’ll need. This may include a
postpartum support group, postpartum doula, lactation consultant (IBCLC), and
possibly a counselor or therapist who specializes in women’s issues in the
childbearing season. Getting help sooner
rather than later is important. Talking
over her concerns, preferably during pregnancy, in and of itself, reduces
tension. With the right education and support during pregnancy, she can be
guided into identifying her personal triggers, and planning strategies to see
to needs for comfort and emotional safety, both during birth and during the
postpartum period.
The BEST news is, the entire
process of conceiving, carrying, giving birth and breastfeeding can be the most
healing experience of a woman’s life! It
can be a time of awe, as her body grows a new human being - and perhaps for the
first time, she feels pride in her body.
Giving birth can be an all new experience of taking back the power that
was wrongfully taken from her, as she pushes her own baby out of her own body -
or alternatively, being prepared to make choices for appropriate medical
intervention. Breastfeeding, aside
from the pride and confidence that comes from providing her baby’s nutritional
and emotional needs, can bring the mother to new levels of healing - restoring
her self-respect - even self-admiration - and strengthening her ability to bond
securely to her new baby. And THIS is a
gift that will last for a lifetime.
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Anita has been serving women in the greater Sacramento area, from pregnancy through birth and breastfeeding for over twenty years as a birth and postpartum doula, HypnoBirthing Childbirth Educator, International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (BA-IBCLC), and Clinical Hypnotherapist. Her passion is to empower women, wherever in their journey they are, at a time in their lives when self-doubt and disempowerment are the most common experience. She also believes that the way babies are conceived, carried and brought into the world MATTERS: to the mothers, the fathers, and most of all, to the babies. It is this passion that drives her to continue studying the science and refining her skills to her clients’ benefit.
Anita recently left Sacramento to join the Birth Education Center of San Diego, and is thrilled to now call San Diego “home!”
Learn more at www.sacredseasonmothercare.com
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