We continue our series this week with Anita Butler. In this post, she explores the journey of pregnancy and birth for survivors of abuse.
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Pregnancy and Birth: The
Survivor’s Journey
In last week’s post, we considered
possible challenges around fertility, conception, and the prospect of
parenthood for those with a history of sexual abuse. For some, this is where you may encounter
your first challenge of the journey. For others, conception comes easy and is
greeted with joy - or can even come as a surprise, possibly even in spite of
careful measures to avoid it.
Similarly, there is a very wide
variety of ways a survivor’s pregnancy and birth can be experienced.
In her book, “When Survivors Give
Birth,” Penny Simkin writes,
“Pregnancy is a time of monumental change for women - a time when the past, present, and future all come together, a time of openness, a time of vulnerability. Being pregnant causes memories of one’s own childhood to surface. Past events are stirred up. The present evokes the paradox of excitement over the baby on the one hand, and fears and anxiety on the other. Thoughts of the future bring hopes of dreams fulfilled and eager anticipation of joy and love, along with apprehension over the demands of parenting and the effort it will take to keep the child safe and happy.”
Your experience can fall anywhere
on the spectrum - from intense anxiety around the inevitable physical
sensations and changes of pregnancy to an equally intense feeling of validation
and joy, experiencing those same sensations as “proof” that your body isn’t
broken, but normal - and wonderfully capable of growing a new human being.
Unresolved childhood abuse can be
a significant factor in complications of pregnancy, such as intense “morning
sickness,” pregnancy-induced hypertension, unexplained bleeding and pre- or
post-maturity. During labor and birth, it
can result in prodromal labor (long, drawn out, slowly or non-progressing),
increased physical pain and/or emotional trauma as certain exams or procedures
may trigger flashbacks of abuse or feelings of being out of control or
helpless.
Pregnancy-and-laborland is a
veritable minefield of potential triggers for the survivor. Some are just natural to the process of the
spontaneous, uncontrollable unfolding of labor and birth: nausea and vomiting, bloody excretions, moaning,
grunting, crying out and feeling a baby in her vagina. Some positions of labor can make any woman
feel vulnerable - and especially one who may have experienced some form of
powerlessness or humiliation in those positions.
Other triggers might be related to
the hospital and/or medical procedures or equipment: vaginal exams, IV’s, catheters, needles, and
possibly the feeling of numbness from anesthesia that may add to the feeling of
being out of control, even though the pain relief was requested.
Also, some commonly used phrases a
labouring woman is likely to hear can stimulate surprising reactions. Phrases such as “relax and it won’t hurt so
much,” “open your legs,” “relax your bottom,” etc., can bring long-suppressed
memories into the present moment. Even
phrases intended to be encouraging, such as “trust your body,” or “do what your
body tells you to do,” can be unwelcome words to a woman who has felt betrayed
by her body, or has embodied experiences of shame or anguish.
So…all that is the bad news.
The good news is, with the right
support and preparation, your experience of pregnancy, labor and birth
can be the next step to deeper healing and empowerment than you ever imagined
possible! And this is true for EVERY
woman, whether or not she experienced sexual abuse.
It DOES require the right support
and preparation - not merely an understanding of the potential, or wishful
thinking. And the usual preparation -
books, hospital classes and short appointments with their obstetrician - falls
far short of meeting the needs of a woman with a high level of anxiety or fear
around pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding.
The right support can include
private counseling and/or hypnotherapy; guidance on how to communicate
effectively with doctors, midwives and other medical staff; finding a
mother-centered childbirth education series, such as HypnoBirthing or The
Bradley Method, where you’ll find a safe environment where you can learn your
options - and there are more than you might imagine - for giving birth in a way
you’ll actually love to remember!
You can’t change the past. What happened, happened. It may feel like you just can’t overcome
it. But what if you absolutely CAN heal
your present, and change your future - and that of your children? What if carrying and giving birth to your own
baby can give you back the power that was wrongfully taken from you? It can restore your faith and confidence in
your body. It can transform your
self-doubt - even self-loathing - into self-acceptance, pride, and self-love,
as you experience the creation of life itself in your beautiful, amazing
body.
My life-calling is to do all I can
to bring transformation to women’s and babies’ experiences of pregnancy, labor,
birth and breastfeeding. Because when
women are healed and empowered, we can change the world - whether we do it by
mothering our own children in confidence and love, or if we express our
creative powers in another way. And when
a baby’s prenatal and early experiences are of love and peace rather than fear,
they will be a beautiful manifestation of that change!
Read Part 4: Postpartum & Breastfeeding
Read Part 4: Postpartum & Breastfeeding
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Anita has been serving women in the greater Sacramento area, from pregnancy through birth and breastfeeding for over twenty years as a birth and postpartum doula, HypnoBirthing Childbirth Educator, International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (BA-IBCLC), and Clinical Hypnotherapist. Her passion is to empower women, wherever in their journey they are, at a time in their lives when self-doubt and disempowerment are the most common experience. She also believes that the way babies are conceived, carried and brought into the world MATTERS: to the mothers, the fathers, and most of all, to the babies. It is this passion that drives her to continue studying the science and refining her skills to her clients’ benefit.
Anita recently left Sacramento to join the Birth Education Center of San Diego, and is thrilled to now call San Diego “home!”
Learn more at www.sacredseasonmothercare.com
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