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How Can Compassion Heal Shame?
Throughout this blog series, we’ve been on a journey of understanding shame and how it can hold you back from healing your grief, getting relief, and moving towards a life of fulfillment and joy. We’ve talked about the effect of shame on our self-care, on the limiting beliefs that make us feel we are not good enough’, and we looked at what shame actually is and how we can move through it, to a place of self-compassion. Once you understand what shame is, you can learn how to care for yourself and begin to treat yourself with the compassion you deserve. Compassion can help you heal your shame. Let’s take a closer look at compassion.
What is compassion?
You may find that treating yourself kindly from a place of love doesn’t come naturally to you and you may wonder why you find it so challenging to be self-compassionate. The trauma we’ve suffered is so commonly the cause of our inability to be compassionate in general, and especially with ourselves.
Well, it’s time to change that.
Every one of us has the wisdom and ability to be self-compassionate. It’s a resource we need to help us accept painful emotions, so that we can heal from our trauma and find inner peace. The greater our pain and suffering, the more we need compassion.
It is a key element in the process of removing your fears and feelings of shame once and for all. Being compassionate means to love, to be kind to and to accept someone or yourself. It is a blessing on your journey to healing and creating a happy, joyous and free life. In my Stop Suffering Now group program, we focus on creating and developing compassion for ourselves and integrating tools to support you every step of the way. It’s important to be kind and caring with yourself as you celebrate your own progress and to also be compassionate, kind and caring with others as well.
HEALING SHAME
Self-compassion heals shame. But, what is it? Being self-compassionate means to love, be kind, and to accept yourself. It’s important on your healing journey to begin to be kind and caring with yourself and to celebrate your progress.
Sure, you may find having self-compassion difficult. You may find that you have a hard time just being nice to yourself. And, usually, we find that the reason we feel this way is a direct result of the trauma we’ve suffered.
One foot in front of the other will help you get started practicing self-compassion, and in doing this, you’ll affect a region of the brain that makes you more sympathetic to another person’s mental and emotional state. You will begin feeling compassion for others – and yourself. Really, it’s true! See when we experience or provide kindness, support, encouragement, and compassion, neurons get reconnected in the brain. In the same way, not experiencing these feelings as a child can leave you feeling unlovable – eventually allowing shame to get stuck in our neural pathways.
With new experiences and practicing compassion and self-compassion, we can begin to grow new neurons and connections in the brain. In other words, you can override that shame memory with goodness you experience today. You can change your life!
Being able to relate with another who has experienced childhood trauma is an important tool for healing. Simply relating and feeling for another is a huge step on this journey. Practicing self-compassion means you will get the strength and empathy that will allow you to connect with others and even reach out for help. In my Stop Suffering Now 4-week group program, I work with trauma survivors who struggle with moving forward. Together, we are able to move past the trauma and into a phase of healing.
THE PROCESS OF SELF-COMPASSION
Here’s a simple truth: You’ve got to start being nice to yourself. Yes, you have been through something horrific. And, yes, it is going to take some time to get over it and that cannot be done until we are ready to feel real emotions...when we’ve made that peaceful connection between what our bodies feel and what our mind tells us. But, guess what? Everyone has been through something. Maybe not like your experience. But every step in life, every hurt, every pain, and every trauma can leave a mark. The better we are at being able to connect with ourselves, the better we are at being able to connect with others, the better chance we will have at healing.
So, give yourself permission to be kind to yourself. When you notice yourself being unkind or critical of yourself, stop and take notice. Then, repeat what you said, turning it from a negative to a positive, reframing what you tell yourself. For example, if you are frustrated with yourself for not getting the help you need, you can tell yourself, “I’m in the process of getting myself the help I need to move forward”.
It is a key element in the process of removing your fears and feelings of shame once and for all. Being compassionate means to love, to be kind to and to accept someone or yourself. It is a blessing on your journey to healing and creating a happy, joyous and free life. In my Stop Suffering Now group program, we focus on creating and developing compassion for ourselves and integrating tools to support you every step of the way. It’s important to be kind and caring with yourself as you celebrate your own progress and to also be compassionate, kind and caring with others as well.
HEALING SHAME
Self-compassion heals shame. But, what is it? Being self-compassionate means to love, be kind, and to accept yourself. It’s important on your healing journey to begin to be kind and caring with yourself and to celebrate your progress.
Sure, you may find having self-compassion difficult. You may find that you have a hard time just being nice to yourself. And, usually, we find that the reason we feel this way is a direct result of the trauma we’ve suffered.
One foot in front of the other will help you get started practicing self-compassion, and in doing this, you’ll affect a region of the brain that makes you more sympathetic to another person’s mental and emotional state. You will begin feeling compassion for others – and yourself. Really, it’s true! See when we experience or provide kindness, support, encouragement, and compassion, neurons get reconnected in the brain. In the same way, not experiencing these feelings as a child can leave you feeling unlovable – eventually allowing shame to get stuck in our neural pathways.
With new experiences and practicing compassion and self-compassion, we can begin to grow new neurons and connections in the brain. In other words, you can override that shame memory with goodness you experience today. You can change your life!
Being able to relate with another who has experienced childhood trauma is an important tool for healing. Simply relating and feeling for another is a huge step on this journey. Practicing self-compassion means you will get the strength and empathy that will allow you to connect with others and even reach out for help. In my Stop Suffering Now 4-week group program, I work with trauma survivors who struggle with moving forward. Together, we are able to move past the trauma and into a phase of healing.
THE PROCESS OF SELF-COMPASSION
Here’s a simple truth: You’ve got to start being nice to yourself. Yes, you have been through something horrific. And, yes, it is going to take some time to get over it and that cannot be done until we are ready to feel real emotions...when we’ve made that peaceful connection between what our bodies feel and what our mind tells us. But, guess what? Everyone has been through something. Maybe not like your experience. But every step in life, every hurt, every pain, and every trauma can leave a mark. The better we are at being able to connect with ourselves, the better we are at being able to connect with others, the better chance we will have at healing.
The trauma of your past is never going to go away. And, trying to simply forget about it is not going to help you with it at all. However, you can heal and move forward. Practice self-compassion in regard to your trauma.
Being kind to yourself and speaking kind words is very healing – even if you are saying them to yourself. In my Stop Suffering Now Program we focus on self-care and begin your journey towards your fulfilling and joyful life.
Being kind to yourself and speaking kind words is very healing – even if you are saying them to yourself. In my Stop Suffering Now Program we focus on self-care and begin your journey towards your fulfilling and joyful life.
The benefits of compassion
When you bring compassion to all of life, you’ll be enlightened by a shift in your thinking and well-being. You’ll step into a powerful emotion, as the energy of the feeling of compassion creates a beautiful two-way interaction. In other words, you begin to feel togetherness, rather than feelings of separation or isolation.
Being compassionate with yourself will bring harmony to the relationships you have with yourself and with others. What’s beautiful about compassion is that you can choose to start feeling it right away. But how?
How can we call upon compassion and use it to heal shame?
Here is a simple three-step exercise I often use with my clients to help them move through shame.
1. Think of a shaming experience. It could be from childhood or adulthood. Focus on that feeling. Now think about what you wish someone had said to you immediately after the event occurred. Who was that person? What was it you wanted and needed to hear? Write it down.
2. Now choose a person that you admire. It can be a friend, family member or even someone you’ve never even met. Picture them in your mind, telling you the words you needed to hear. So, for example, in step 1 you chose your mother and she wasn’t supportive or didn’t believe you. In this step, you would replace your mother with your ideal person - let’s say, Oprah. In this step, you are imagining Oprah saying the words you wish your mother had said. You are feeling supported, respected and safe. Visualize the entire scene, just as you wished it had taken place. Hear their soothing voice and their comforting tone. Imagine how supportive and protective they are. If you are in a space where you can say the words aloud to yourself, say it out loud - if not, say it silently. Breathe into this vision and feel it all the way into your heart. How does it feel to hear these words you needed to hear?
3. In this step, again we’ll use the example above. I’d like you to consider the fact that your mother is NOT Oprah. Your mother has different limitations, capabilities, and a history of her own. I’d like you to try to get to a place where you can accept the possibility that your mother did the very best she could.
Practicing this exercise alone is a healing exercise. Crying during this exercise is common, as well as any other emotions that come up. I would love to hear about how you’ve experienced this exercise, and if you’re ready to take action in a supportive and non-judgmental space, I’d love to have a chat with you and see if my foundation program, Stop Suffering Now, is your next best step.
In the program we spend 4 weeks focusing on what I believe you need to know NOW, today, to be able to really move yourself forward and to start seeing real and sustainable change. Consider it a journey toward recovery and relief and start working towards the life of your dreams, the life that you really want and the life you deserve. The journey takes you through the steps necessary from becoming aware to taking action. And in order to be able to take action, I’ve carefully designed the Stop Suffering Now program, comprised of 4 essential pillars: Insight, Impact, Intuition and Integration which I call ‘The Four I’s’.
Insight is about becoming aware of the trauma itself.
The Impact is how the trauma is affecting you in your day-to-day life.
Intuition is about getting to a place where you can learn to really trust yourself again. Where you can really feel into your answers.
And Integration is about taking what you’ve learned and integrating it into your life so that your life changes for the better - that’s the transformation.
In the program we spend 4 weeks focusing on what I believe you need to know NOW, today, to be able to really move yourself forward and to start seeing real and sustainable change. Consider it a journey toward recovery and relief and start working towards the life of your dreams, the life that you really want and the life you deserve. The journey takes you through the steps necessary from becoming aware to taking action. And in order to be able to take action, I’ve carefully designed the Stop Suffering Now program, comprised of 4 essential pillars: Insight, Impact, Intuition and Integration which I call ‘The Four I’s’.
Insight is about becoming aware of the trauma itself.
The Impact is how the trauma is affecting you in your day-to-day life.
Intuition is about getting to a place where you can learn to really trust yourself again. Where you can really feel into your answers.
And Integration is about taking what you’ve learned and integrating it into your life so that your life changes for the better - that’s the transformation.
Don’t let shame and grief hold you back from the life you want! Schedule a complimentary call with me, find out more about my Stop Suffering Now Program, and start taking the steps towards having the life you really want with a 30-minute Healing Discovery Session call.
Read Part 3
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Janine Naus is an internationally recognized Grief and Trauma Relief Specialist, Certified Life, Spiritual and Energetic Coach, a Certified Calm, Accepting, Resilient & Empathetic (CARE) Trauma Practitioner and a #1 International Best Selling Author. Janine works with women who are suffering and stuck in grief due to trauma and supports them on their journey to a fulfilling and joyful life.
Janine’s clients benefit from her decades of experience, her broad range of coaching and support tools and her empathetic nature. Her blog posts have garnered thousands of dedicated followers and is a sought after expert on trauma. Janine lives in Chesapeake Beach, MD.
Janine’s clients benefit from her decades of experience, her broad range of coaching and support tools and her empathetic nature. Her blog posts have garnered thousands of dedicated followers and is a sought after expert on trauma. Janine lives in Chesapeake Beach, MD.
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