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Read Part 4: Spiritual Healing
After a few months, I agreed to
speak with a diocesan advocate who handles sexual abuse cases for the church. There
was something incredibly familiar and comforting about Pat. Maybe it was her
soft Midwestern tone, matched with a deep sense of concern and care. After
talking to her for about an hour, I realized that it was my responsibility to
report the priest for sexual abuse because he was still in active duty and
worked with children. Even though my situation still didn’t feel like abuse to
me, maybe it would be for another child.
I felt vulnerable. The cat was out
of the bag leaving me feeling empty, unsure, and under a self-created
microscope. The Catholic church generously offered me three years of therapy in
a letter from the diocesan headquarters. Somehow reading the formal letter made
me feel like I was in trouble. The words "sexual abuse" appeared multiple times.
That couldn’t be me they were talking about. It just couldn’t. I knew that I
needed something more than traditional therapy, being a therapist myself. Three
years? No way. Six months would be
plenty. And I wasn’t up for analysis.
I realized the disconnection I was
experiencing in my life was spiritual in nature. Maybe I needed spiritual
healing? I asked around for a
recommendation, and through divine synchronicity found an amazing spiritual
coach from California named Suzi Lula. I knew she was my person the moment I first
talked to her.
I didn’t think doing sessions on
the phone would work for me, but was surprised how quickly we went deep into
the core of what was going on. I felt completely free and safe working with her
from my home. I did each session in my bedroom with the door closed and a
notebook handy. I made sure I had adequate time before and after the session to
prepare and process. It was the absence of judgement and high vibration of love
and vision by Suzi that allowed me to open up so quickly. She was holding the
space we created together, and I’ve never felt so understood by anyone in my
life. She believed in me.
I had agreed to go over my sexual
abuse report with a counsel of peers at the diocesan headquarters and spent my
first sessions with Suzi preparing and working though any hesitations or
vulnerability I felt. I was incredibly confident on the three-hour rural train
ride to the meeting. I arrived at the campus a little early and was greeted by
a woman at a desk who was sorting a large pile of papers. I introduced myself
as she looked up from her work. She reassuringly asked me to take a seat as
they were preparing the meeting space and waiting for a few of the counsel to
arrive. I wondered if she knew why I was there, and what had happened.
I was relieved to see my mom sitting in the
waiting room quietly reading a book. She stood up and gave me a hug, and we
talked a little. We were whispering as if we were in church. I noticed the
sterile smell of holy water that filled the air, causing the hair to stand up
on my neck. I felt light headed, and clammy as a drop of sweat ran down my face.
I also seemed to be having trouble catching my breath, as my heart pounded.
I would later discover that these are symptoms
of shame. My mom reached over and held my hand. She asked me if I wanted her to
pray with me, and I said yes. It was comforting. The only thing I remember about
the prayer is that she asked that I be able to tell my truth, my story.
"David? We’re ready for you", Pat said as she walked
over to me. "It’s really hard to get everyone in the counsel together at the
same time. Sorry about the delay. Nice to finally meet you." Relief rushed over me at the sound of her
voice. I had spoken with her numerous times on the phone including the sexual
abuse report. I wasn’t sure if I should shake her hand or hug her. As we walked
quietly down the hallway, I turned to look at my mother, "I’m proud of you",
she whispered. I felt like a thirteen-year old boy on his way to the
principal’s office. Impending doom. As we entered the small meeting room, the
council, sitting around a long oval table jumped to their feet as if we had
startled them. As I shook their hands they asked me questions about my trip,
and my plans for Thanksgiving. I was in full panic mode. Terrified. There was
one window in the room. I could escape. I could ask to use the restroom, grab
my mom, and leave.
As we sat down, everyone looked at
me and I felt so small. I could see their fear. A man at the head of the table
broke the silence, "To be honest David, we have never done this before. We’ve
never had a sexual abuse case against a living priest. We’re not sure how to
proceed. Maybe it would be best if you told us what happened and we will ask
questions. How does that sound?"
For a second, I thought I might not
be able to speak. My mind felt foggy. My throat was dry. A woman handed me a
glass of water and I began, "First off, I wanted to tell you that I am a gay
man. I feel that this might put me at a disadvantage as to how you perceive me
and this report." It surprised me that
I said this. But as I looked at the group of middle-aged Catholics of all walks
of life, I felt judged by them before I even got started. Homosexuality is
forbidden and considered a mortal sin the the church. Maybe they are all going
to be on the side of the priest? I was
in a full-fledged shame storm.
I began to tell the story of how
the priest and I met and became friends. My voice cracked and I stopped. "What’s
going to happen to him?" I said abruptly and began sobbing. The woman sitting
next to me handed me a Kleenex and told me to take my time. This was not going
at all the way I expected. I thought I had the whole thing together. My story. The
report. It hadn’t been more than a few minutes and I was hysterical. I felt
embarrassed. I took a deep breath and continued on for the next two hours. And
and as the minutes passed it became easier. I felt reassurance that they
believed me.
David Lohman DeVore, M.A. is a shame recovery coach, and survivor or childhood sexual abuse. He began his career twenty-five years ago as a wellness coach and personal trainer. He became a psychotherapist in 2003 and developed a mind, body, spirit life coaching practice. Over the last eight years, David’s spiritual and healing journey became his main focus. He made the discovery that shame was subconsciously holding him back in all areas of his life. It has become his passion to share practices to assist survivors in waking up from the shame driven world that blinds us from the joyful purpose-driven life we were born to live.
Find out more about David’s work at Awakeyou.com
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It's for you if you want step-by-step support to reliably and consistently navigate life with clarity and ease.
This program is designed for all types of survivors who are sick and tired of going around the same mountain over and over again and who want to learn specific tools and skills for transforming their lives.
In the Beyond Surviving program, I've combined what I have learned through my own journey of recovery from sexual abuse, my study of neuroscience, my training in counseling psychology, and my experience working with hundreds of clients. I have included every lesson, exercise, worksheet, client example, and training module that has made a difference for me and my clients into this program.
We use my guidebook, Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse, as the roadmap through seven modules that address the critical areas of life that are impacted by abuse.
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