January 10, 2019

How to Start Your Day with What Really Matters

This week, Karl Kaputski shares how he starts each day to set himself up for success while also asking some though provoking questions to help you begin to connect to the decisions you are making and the impact they have day to day.


Destruction comes at us through many ways in life. It could be death, abuse, divorce, mental illness or health to name a few. How we cope with each particular one always depends on the individual themselves. So how does an injustice survivor cope with sexual abuse and/or incarceration? Through my own personal experiences and spending countless hours listening to the stories of others, I come to the realization that understanding the source of the problem effectively begins the healing process to move forward to having a productive, prosperous life. I am specifically talking about moving ourselves from the victim just survival cycle that we have been in for days, months, years, to a place in the present that allows us to change our focus to now reclaim the dreams that we once had.

Imagine an outsider is looking at your life. They are watching you do what you do. What would they say? How many of you believe you have a life bigger inside you?

How many of you believe that you have a way within you that only shows up once in a while?

Why? Do things get in the way?

How many of you have had a challenge to do something?

What was the original reason for getting started?

Was the original reason to get started something to just get by until you feel better? So a month, year, five years, ten years go by and you're at a new level in your life but you're still in your survival mode. Because your pattern is to survive, forget the pain...whenever it gets tough or you don't get what you want, you fall back into that just surviving cycle.

These are all questions I've asked myself over the years. And as you think about these questions and start putting your answers together, just like me, you will start to figure out who you were, who you are today and who you want to be in the future. Here is the kicker to all of this. As I have found out through my own experiences, if someone says they can help you...you avoid them because if you actually stepped up and did the things that you needed to do, you would stop surviving and you wouldn't know who you are! 

Yes, I would fall back into my comfort zone of just surviving than face the experience of confronting change. This would be like walking into a dark room without any lights on and instead of stumbling a little until my eyes adjusted to turn on the light, I would rather back out and sit outside until the light went on and I felt safe.

To say the least, I was not living the plan I wanted for myself. I had allowed someone else through their actions to dictate my emotions, thoughts and actions that were detrimental to my success. Forever, I thought, unless I changed my belief system I would never have the freedom to live life the way it is meant to be. 

Another symptom that takes place with survivors including myself is anger. It's almost like it becomes an addiction. Feeling angry fuels a feel good moment inside. The more angry we get the more we feel justify to keeping fueling it. Just like a fire, it starts to get larger and larger. Soon your emotional, mental and physical facets get out of whack and it becomes difficult to function on a daily basis. 

Compare it to an alcoholic, drug user or even a pornography viewer. At first, you use it a little. It makes you feel good. It takes the edge off. After awhile, you realize it takes a bit more to get that same feeling. It begins to accelerate that need to get more to feel good. Soon enough it gets out of control and starts affecting your life and the people around you. Being addicted to something destructive means you are walking around with chains on you. There is no freedom. The moment I realized that by having that anger I had no freedom, I knew change had to happen. This is what anger to me is and I know that if you apply these thoughts to your life, you will change too!

Anger is punishment I give myself for someone else's mistakes. Go ahead and repeat it back to yourself. By me memorizing these few words and understanding it's powerful message, I have changed my life and have started living the dream I first started with. Maybe you can too!

It's also about looking at things in a radically different angle. It is having a desire to be not where you currently are. I was ready. Are you? How many of you are ready to make decisions based on what you are capable of doing and not where you are today?

For my own personal life, I use a martini glass illustration. Now, I don't even like martinis and hardly ever partake in drinking, it's the shape of the glass and what it represents that means so much to me. As I was onstage years ago giving a presentation on peak performance, I noticed in the audience at their tables, that there were quite a few martini and wine drinkers. I began to watch how during each sip their eyes would light up and how they got that blissful feeling in their demeanor. Wow, I thought. If I could only capture that feeling my audience is having with those drinks, I could bottle it and change lives immediately! 

After some fun with those participants that day I realized that finding the passion and enjoyment a person has with something can effectively be used in changing their disposition on all other things in life. That martini glass is filled up top to bottom this way for me. 

God is on top. That is the place that has the greatest surface and volume. It's the first sip and always the best tasting every time. 

Family is second. It touches me internally and fills me with joy, responsibility and friendship. 

Health is third. Taking care of myself means being able to live a fulfilling life and to be able to help and serve others. 

Cash is fourth. Having the means to provide and help others. 

Fifth are skills. The importance of what I take in everyday is my addiction. 

If for some reason I don't finish my glass everyday, I know personally, that I have always taken in the best tasting and the most energizing portions to carry on my day first. Your martini glass might be filled differently than mine and that's ok. Just start filling your glass in order of importance pertaining to your life and start waking up everyday taking those first few sips of what really matters in life.
It all comes down to the one thing in life. The ability to influence yourself by making a decision. Ask yourself this...How do you want to be known? It's not what you do...it's who you are! We are all prisoners of our unconsciousness. we all live inside these. We are all caught in success traps and unsuccess traps or a variety of them. These loops are happening everyday. The final question I always ask myself is: If I was sitting down with myself five years from now, are the decisions that I am making now the best possible actions I could be taking? My answer and yours can sometimes be very surprising. Try it!


Note: In my next blog I will share with you how to change anything that you might feel addicted to in your life. I used these methods to change me. I know they can help you.

Read Part 3: Tear Down Those Addictions, There's a Great Life to Live!

Best I can tell I would classify myself as an entrepreneur. A seven times business owner, #1 best selling author, international keynote speaker and by the way, and injustice survivor. Working as a peak performance consultant in many different aspects in the business and personal world for 30 plus years, I have had the experience to delve into 54 different industries with individuals in all sorts of professions to help create within them a peak performance culture. 

Did you know that you can create predictable and profitable results in all five facets of your life? It's all about your emotional, mental, physical, financial and spiritual well being that are intertwined and affect how happy and successful you are going to be.


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My Beyond Surviving Program is my in-depth program of live coaching calls and support that teach you how to finally be free of the past and move on with your life. 

It's for you if you want step-by-step support to reliably and consistently navigate life with clarity and ease. 

This program is designed for all types of survivors who are sick and tired of going around the same mountain over and over again and who want to learn specific tools and skills for transforming their lives. 

In the Beyond Surviving program, I've combined what I have learned through my own journey of recovery from sexual abuse, my study of neuroscience, my training in counseling psychology, and my experience working with hundreds of clients. I have included every lesson, exercise, worksheet, client example, and training module that has made a difference for me and my clients into this program. 

We use my guidebook, Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse, as the roadmap through seven modules that address the critical areas of life that are impacted by abuse. 

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