February 22, 2017

How Our "Ugly" Can Lead to Love

This week, we conclude our series with Fawn. In this post, she explores how to bring our whole selves into our relationships...no really! It's possible!

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There are moments in life that aren’t that simple. Or readily fixed.

Sometimes all we need is someone who will listen.

“I wish I could just go back,” a friend of mine thought out-loud, thinking of someone she deeply loved many years ago. “I wish I had shown him how much I loved him. He was so wonderful to me but I was young and stupid. Now it’s too late. He’s gone.”

Sorrow. Grief. Regret. No one escapes these feelings.  Myself included.

We imagine that our lives should be… “better,” “with more money,” “successful,” “easier,” “cancer free,” “perfect,” and “(…you fill in the blanks).”

But it isn’t like that right now, is it?

You made a few (or many) decisions that were kind of dumb. (Or, okay, completely dumb.) You went bankrupt. Broke up with a really great guy. Are afraid, angry and very fed-up. You have even managed to lose your car keys yet once again.

Deep down, these words are ringing in your ears, “There is something wrong with me.”

No dearest, there isn’t. You are simply being human, like the rest of us.

When I hear my clients tell me, as they often do, about their grief, disappointment and regret, I truly understand. We feel shame, hopelessness and despair and want to hide. We put on a mask and act like “we are fine.” If we don’t make a change, eventually we end up having no grace for ourselves or any one else.

Ouch. Please, no!


When I find myself ankles deep in failure, I often hear another voice, one that is lovingly poignant.

Fawn, what makes you think that you should be perfect, somehow better than the rest of the human race?

Do you really think that you are somehow immune to suffering and heartbreak?

Who told you that you don’t have permission to fail – and to fail rather gloriously?

Instead, how could what you are experiencing right now be a gift, even in disguise?

Are our lives, warts and all, a gift?

Sure. I think so. My own experience and the stories of my clients have convinced me that every bit of my past, present and future can be a door of possibility, if I receive them as such.

If I choose to bring whatever it is (even all of me!) out from my hiding, if I bring my regret, shame and sorrow into the light, there I can receive healing, hope and, best of all, love. My worst can become gold if I choose to transform my suffering into compassion for those who also bear its burden. What has made me weak can become my strength.

And here’s the cool part. When I come out of hiding, and accept and love those parts of me that I was otherwise ashamed to show, others get to see me. My honesty creates a safe place for others to be honest too. Pretty soon connection is formed. Heart intimacy begins to grow. This is the soil where real love flourishes. No secrets, no hiding, no shame. Just a joyous and dare I say even humorous acceptance of what and who we are. Whew! Relax. We’re going to be OK.

Sometimes, we need help coming into the light. I know I do. I am someone who not only coaches others, I have a coach myself—knowing that if I do the work involved in becoming whole, I can learn to honestly love me. All of me. And you!

There is a Divine Presence, one filled with grace, mercy and light waiting. And wanting to listen to you.


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Happy clients around the world call Fawn “Their relationship guru.”  For single professional women serious about creating an amazing life-long passionate love-affair, Fawn is their go-to expert to discover and claim their feminine power and attract great men who are ready to love, respect, and cherish them. Clients learn to radiate their unique confidence, love, and beauty in a powerful way that makes them irresistible to the men who are the perfect match for them. With confidence and joy — and with her inspired guidance and support — they learn to repel the men who only want to use them, and magnetize and inspire real, quality men into their lives to create real and lasting love for a lifetime.

Fawn spent most of her twenties and thirties with a series of dead-end relationships and broken hearts. When she was almost forty, after one last devastating heart-break, she decided she needed to start taking responsibility for her relationships with men and the pain she was creating. (Either that or become …a nun!) She began working with a coach who ever so gently asked her the questions that opened her eyes and her heart. Within a year, at the age of 40, she married the love of her life and they’re still going strong.

After years of informal coaching and transformational work, Fawn graduated from the prestigious Coaches Training Institute as a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach.

She is passionate about women finding real passionate love while being true to their authentic unique selves.

Learn more at www.fawngilmorekraut.com.


Get your free guide: 

7 Keys to Attracting The Man Who Will Love, Respect, and Cherish You

February 14, 2017

Putting an End to the Valentine's Day Myth

This week, we continue our series with Fawn, who shares with us how we can tune into love all of the time!
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Remember when you were little… and Valentine’s Day rolled around?

If your childhood was anything like mine, February 14th was utterly and absolutely fun. It was a day filled with little cards in crisp white envelopes, cupcakes with a decadent amount of frosting and those tiny heart-shaped candies, the ones with the words, “Love You,” “Hugs” and “Be Mine” on top.

As a child, Valentine’s Day had something for everyone. Mom. Dad. Siblings. Teacher. The classroom. Even that freckled-face boy who teased you way too much.

But we are no longer children, are we?

Alas. No. We have grown up and life looks different now. We’ve experienced our share of hurt, disappointment and betrayal and we now approach relationships with reasonable, well-advised caution.

If we are honest, we may find it hard to believe that love, the real deal, is possible. So when Valentine’s Day rolls around, you might find yourself saying a big, yawning “Whatever.”

Oh how I understand. Enough already with the hearts and flowers and jewelry and perfume ads. Oh yes, it’s Single’s Appreciation Day. Does that term feel a bit condescending to you? It does to me, but maybe that’s just my mood.

So, how did you get through yesterday? Whether you went out with friends, had a hot date, or had a date with yourself at home in your jammies, here are three things I want you to do today.

1.   Realize that LOVE, real love, is all around you. It’s relentless. And unwavering. And outrageously audacious. And we are swimming in it (although sometimes shouting, “Marco!” waiting for the “Polo”). From the beauty of each sunrise to the kindness of strangers, everything (and I mean everything) has been created in and for the beautiful purpose of love. So OPEN your heart. Even if you don’t right now have that one true love, open wide your heart to embrace and receive the enormous love that is this life on this planet. You are here for a reason, and you are loved – oh so deeply. Just look at all the little gifts that are all around you. Look for them. They are everywhere.

2.   Be an amazing LOVER to yourself. Yep. LOVE yourself the way you long for another person to love you. Buy yourself flowers, go to the spa, take a hike in a beautiful location, play your favorite music, put on your best dress and make your favorite dinner. And by all means, turn off that negative chatterbox in your head, if only for the day. Give her the day off so you can allow your thoughts to be only what is consistent with love: thankfulness, beauty, kindness, acknowledgement, expansion, growth.

3.   LOVE your neighbor as you LOVE yourself. From the abundance of #1 and #2, go and GIVE love to everyone you meet. Your neighbor means the person nearest to you. Even the one who annoys the hell out of you. Send them love and compassion. If it’s appropriate, offer them a smile and a kind word. Call a friend and instead of bitching about life, spend some time listening to their heart and sharing yours. In other words CREATE your own celebration of love.

Why do all this? It feels so idealistic and naive. Fawn, you’re silly to ask me to do this.

Maybe you’re right. But this one thing I do know. As you expand your capacity to receive love from the Universe, to deeply love yourself, and to be gracious and loving toward others, your light shines brighter. Your eyes begin to glow. Your mind clears. Your heart expands. And you become the woman who brings love into the room rather than the one grasping for it.

The good news is that A) You’ll be happier and more fulfilled, B) You’ll achieve more success in all areas of your life, C) You’ll be immensely more attractive to the people who are around you (particularly the strong, conscious ones).

How brash love is. In the face of everything that is ugly, unloving and downright evil, love calls us back to the place of childlike hope and trust. It gives us the guts to put fear, that life-sucking fiend, back in its corner. Love elevates us to be more than we ever thought possible, all the while empowering us to let go of our independence, self-sufficiency and holding others in our debt.

Truth is that this is my life’s work. I think about the women in my growing sphere of relationships all the time. I ache with you particularly around Valentine’s Day because I remember how difficult this day used to be for me. And I do my happy dance for you when you see how much you are worthy to be loved.

Wishing you a truly happy day-after-Valentines Day filled with love,

Fawn


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Happy clients around the world call Fawn “Their relationship guru.”  For single professional women serious about creating an amazing life-long passionate love-affair, Fawn is their go-to expert to discover and claim their feminine power and attract great men who are ready to love, respect, and cherish them. Clients learn to radiate their unique confidence, love, and beauty in a powerful way that makes them irresistible to the men who are the perfect match for them. With confidence and joy — and with her inspired guidance and support — they learn to repel the men who only want to use them, and magnetize and inspire real, quality men into their lives to create real and lasting love for a lifetime.

Fawn spent most of her twenties and thirties with a series of dead-end relationships and broken hearts. When she was almost forty, after one last devastating heart-break, she decided she needed to start taking responsibility for her relationships with men and the pain she was creating. (Either that or become …a nun!) She began working with a coach who ever so gently asked her the questions that opened her eyes and her heart. Within a year, at the age of 40, she married the love of her life and they’re still going strong.

After years of informal coaching and transformational work, Fawn graduated from the prestigious Coaches Training Institute as a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach.

She is passionate about women finding real passionate love while being true to their authentic unique selves.

Learn more at www.fawngilmorekraut.com.


Get your free guide: 

7 Keys to Attracting The Man Who Will Love, Respect, and Cherish You

February 7, 2017

Do I Dare Love Again?

This week, we continue our series with Fawn, who dives into the scars that love can leave and how we can avoid shutting love out.

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The subject for today’s post resulted from a common theme that emerged this past week with different clients, women in my workshops, Break Through Into Love consultations, and Facebook status updates. The theme had to do with our willingness to open our hearts again to love after having suffered a devastating loss.

The first time we touch a hot stove we learn quickly not to ever do that again. So it is with love. When we give ourselves to someone, and they abuse our trust, disrespect us, abandon us, or cheat on us, we are left reeling in pain and confusion. The last thing we want to do is go back into that cauldron of heartache. Yet, we DO want to go back. We long to love and to be loved. We are born to love!

A client shared with me last week how difficult it is to emotionally let go of her former “lover” who cheated on her and abandoned her. How on earth can she open her heart again to a new love?

Fortunately, she is embracing our work together, healing her broken heart, learning to love herself and to honor her own values. Her light is beginning to shine again in a way that others are taking notice. She’s more in tune with her own intuition than she was when she first met her former “lover”. It’s unlikely she would ever make the same mistakes again. Still…the hesitation. Do I dare love again? What if he hurts me? I don’t think I can take that.


Love is a risk. There’s no other way to say it. We can’t create a deep and passionate long-term loving relationship without becoming vulnerable to our lover. Every time my husband Steve or I retreat into our own self-protection, we exclude and hurt each other. But we’re committed to each other and to our marriage. So we come back together and apologize and reaffirm our love for each other. And our relationship grows deeper each day.

I shared with my client what C.S. Lewis said so profoundly:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…The only place outside heaven you can be perfectly safe from all dangers of love is hell."

I’m always so moved by this statement by C.S. Lewis. Right after I got off the phone with my client, the message came charging at me again. This time in the FaceBook post of my friend.

“This morning, while working with my voice coach, we were singing The Rose. When it came to the verse that says ‘Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves the soul to bleed.’ I realized I have unconsciously held the belief that love hurts, so don’t let it in again. 
When we’ve been hurt by someone we loved, it’s easy to put up the armor and vow never to let that happen again. Except, when you lock up your heart, you not only disallow outside love to come in, but also, self-love… the most important love of all. Now that I have brought this belief to consciousness, I bless it. I see how it has served to protect me, and now I choose to let it go and let love in again.”

So, I guess the Universe is speaking to us about releasing our armor and taking the risk of loving again. But we should not do it blindly. Only after we have learned the lessons from our broken heart should we bring our wiser whole self back into the arena of love.

Wishing you courage and faith as you open your heart to love.

Fawn


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Happy clients around the world call Fawn “Their relationship guru.”  For single professional women serious about creating an amazing life-long passionate love-affair, Fawn is their go-to expert to discover and claim their feminine power and attract great men who are ready to love, respect, and cherish them. Clients learn to radiate their unique confidence, love, and beauty in a powerful way that makes them irresistible to the men who are the perfect match for them. With confidence and joy — and with her inspired guidance and support — they learn to repel the men who only want to use them, and magnetize and inspire real, quality men into their lives to create real and lasting love for a lifetime.

Fawn spent most of her twenties and thirties with a series of dead-end relationships and broken hearts. When she was almost forty, after one last devastating heart-break, she decided she needed to start taking responsibility for her relationships with men and the pain she was creating. (Either that or become …a nun!) She began working with a coach who ever so gently asked her the questions that opened her eyes and her heart. Within a year, at the age of 40, she married the love of her life and they’re still going strong.

After years of informal coaching and transformational work, Fawn graduated from the prestigious Coaches Training Institute as a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach.

She is passionate about women finding real passionate love while being true to their authentic unique selves.

Learn more at www.fawngilmorekraut.com.

Get your free guide: 
7 Keys to Attracting The Man Who Will Love, Respect, and Cherish You

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