Sometimes all we need is someone who will listen.
“I wish I could just go back,” a friend of mine thought out-loud, thinking of someone she deeply loved many years ago. “I wish I had shown him how much I loved him. He was so wonderful to me but I was young and stupid. Now it’s too late. He’s gone.”
Sorrow. Grief. Regret. No one escapes these feelings. Myself included.
We imagine that our lives should be… “better,” “with more money,” “successful,” “easier,” “cancer free,” “perfect,” and “(…you fill in the blanks).”
But it isn’t like that right now, is it?
You made a few (or many) decisions that were kind of dumb. (Or, okay, completely dumb.) You went bankrupt. Broke up with a really great guy. Are afraid, angry and very fed-up. You have even managed to lose your car keys yet once again.
Deep down, these words are ringing in your ears, “There is something wrong with me.”
No dearest, there isn’t. You are simply being human, like the rest of us.
When I hear my clients tell me, as they often do, about their grief, disappointment and regret, I truly understand. We feel shame, hopelessness and despair and want to hide. We put on a mask and act like “we are fine.” If we don’t make a change, eventually we end up having no grace for ourselves or any one else.
Ouch. Please, no!
When I find myself ankles deep in failure, I often hear another voice, one that is lovingly poignant.
Fawn, what makes you think that you should be perfect, somehow better than the rest of the human race?
Do you really think that you are somehow immune to suffering and heartbreak?
Who told you that you don’t have permission to fail – and to fail rather gloriously?
Instead, how could what you are experiencing right now be a gift, even in disguise?
Are our lives, warts and all, a gift?
Sure. I think so. My own experience and the stories of my clients have convinced me that every bit of my past, present and future can be a door of possibility, if I receive them as such.
If I choose to bring whatever it is (even all of me!) out from my hiding, if I bring my regret, shame and sorrow into the light, there I can receive healing, hope and, best of all, love. My worst can become gold if I choose to transform my suffering into compassion for those who also bear its burden. What has made me weak can become my strength.
And here’s the cool part. When I come out of hiding, and accept and love those parts of me that I was otherwise ashamed to show, others get to see me. My honesty creates a safe place for others to be honest too. Pretty soon connection is formed. Heart intimacy begins to grow. This is the soil where real love flourishes. No secrets, no hiding, no shame. Just a joyous and dare I say even humorous acceptance of what and who we are. Whew! Relax. We’re going to be OK.
Sometimes, we need help coming into the light. I know I do. I am someone who not only coaches others, I have a coach myself—knowing that if I do the work involved in becoming whole, I can learn to honestly love me. All of me. And you!
There is a Divine Presence, one filled with grace, mercy and light waiting. And wanting to listen to you.
Learn more at www.fawngilmorekraut.com.
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