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Sometimes it’s hard to describe in detail what I do, other
than I help people build a foundation of self-love so they can let go of
whatever might be holding them back from whatever they might want to do or be.
The reason it’s tough to describe is that Loving & Letting Go might mean
something different to you than it does to me AND I might be in a different
place in my life journey than where you are.
I’ve been in the happiness business for 8 years and
specifically in the self-love business for almost 3 years and as I practice
loving myself, I am amazed at the things that I continue to find and let go of.
Loving & letting go is not something you do once and then all is perfect in
the world; Loving & letting go is a practice. It’s a practice that can be
simple, yet powerful.
Think about a professional athlete or musician, it seems
they can simply pick up the ball or instrument and use it perfectly. How do
they get to that point? They practice. Now, of course, it’s their job, so their
practice might be pretty intense, but they practice.
While we each have different life experiences and different
life goals, most of us simply want to feel good. We want to love and be loved.
We want to feel happy, often times happier than we feel now. We spend a lot of
time and energy trying to feel good, trying to love, and trying to be happier.
Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. When it doesn’t work, sometimes we
hold on to the idea that we might never be truly happy and we might even feel
worse.
What would our life look like if we let go of the idea that
it’s hard work to be happy?
What if you could just practice letting go, practice love,
practice happiness?
You might be thinking, “Yeah, right! You haven’t been where I’ve been, you haven’t
experienced what I’ve experienced. You don’t know how hard I’ve tried.”
But I do know, I have been there, I have tried hard.
No time here for details, but I was a bully and nearly
juvenile delinquent, sexually abused as a child, dated someone at 17 who turned
out to be living a double life, raped in college by someone I trusted, while in
law school was a key witness in a murder investigation where I was the next
target, lived in my car, stole, and much more ALL while living what appeared to
many as a lucky and great life!
After “hitting bottom” in my mid-20s, I had a great
experience in a group therapy for sexual abuse victims, and my life changed. I
wanted to be happy, I learned so much, but it always seemed like hard work.
All that stuff we go through and heal through can leave little
things behind… habits, patterns of behavior, thoughts, etc. All things that
probably served us in some way as we went through our stuff… but maybe now,
it’s time to practice letting those things go.
It’s interesting to observe as we practice letting go, that
we uncover something else that lingers under the surface, holding us back or
keeping us off track or taking our attention away from the present and putting
it in the past or future. The present moment is where letting go has the most
power.
Right now, how do you want to feel and what would you need
to let go of to achieve that desired feeling?
What comes to your mind as we talk about letting go?
Is there something, big or small, that you can let go of?
What does even the idea of letting go mean to you?
I mentioned a lot of pretty serious experiences, but those experiences aren’t the focus of what we may need to let go of to feel better. It’s in our everyday life where we can begin to practice letting go, letting go with some of the small stuff (even though the small stuff could be leftovers from the big stuff).
I mentioned a lot of pretty serious experiences, but those experiences aren’t the focus of what we may need to let go of to feel better. It’s in our everyday life where we can begin to practice letting go, letting go with some of the small stuff (even though the small stuff could be leftovers from the big stuff).
So, what is one thing you could let go of right now, or even
consider letting go of that is holding you back in some way? It might be an
argument with friend that has been hanging around and you haven't talked to that
friend in a while. Maybe it’s letting go of ideas about how you think things should
or shouldn’t look in your life OR in the life of others.
Sometimes we hold on so tightly to whatever we’re holding on
to that it’s like we have both hands on a rope tightly. We don’t let go, our
hands feel strained, maybe callouses develop, but we keep holding on, working
hard to keep that rope tight! We’re so focused on holding on that we might miss
some amazing things that get thrown our way and we can’t catch it.
What if you took one hand of the rope for five minutes? What
if you kept practicing letting go until one hand was always free? What if you
practiced letting go every day and one day the rope was on the ground?
What are you missing, what are you not catching because both
hands are tight on that rope?
Sometimes we don’t even see possibilities because the only
focus is that rope tight in our hands.
How do we begin a practice of letting go?
Today, when something comes up for you, and you’re feeling
that stress in the moment, think about your hands, are they holding on to
something?
What does the rope represent in this moment?
Can you identify anything about that rope or the situation
that you are grateful for? Is there something good in it or can you learn from
it?
Next, can you take one hand off the rope?
When you take your hand off, what new options do you see about handling the
stress of the moment?
For example, maybe we’re stressed about the kids not picking
up their toys and the house is a disaster every day. Maybe it really stresses us
out and we’re so fixated on the mess that we can’t see options for fixing the
situation outside of more yelling and punishments for not picking up the toys.
Of course, it’s fine to want a clean house, but maybe we can’t find a solution
because we don’t have a free hand.
So, what is good in the situation? Maybe it’s simply love
for the kids or gratitude for having a home you
want to keep beautiful.
Now with that one free hand, maybe we can see a compromise;
maybe there is some way to make it fun. Maybe we create a game, so the end of
every day, we set a timer for 10 minutes and they pick up as much as they can.
Whatever doesn’t get picked up goes in a box in the closet and they won’t see
those toys again for a week. So it’s a choice, they get to decide what they’ll
pick up in 10 minutes; the other stuff is put away. Of course, the first couple
times we try this, there could be some tears and fights, but with practice, it
just becomes what is and maybe the timer won’t be needed after a while. Maybe
both hands become free.
There are always choices in even the worst situations, even
if only a choice in the way we think or see something. But if we’re so fixated
on holding on to that rope, we can’t see anything but the rope and those other
creative ideas don’t have room to come in. We don’t have to keep holding onto that rope
with both hands.
Letting go is loving to ourselves and to others. Letting go
can be simply practicing taking one hand off that rope. Letting go can begin
with looking for those ropes when we feel stress, sadness, unhappiness.
Once you raise your awareness of what you’re holding onto,
it gets easier to notice when you can let go.
Next week, I’ll share more
exercises and tools you can use to practice loving and letting go.
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Tina
Nies is a Certified Life Coach and Vision Board Coach. Her passion is
building and strengthening an individual’s self-love as a foundation for
success. Tina empowers individuals with a foundation to develop their
vision and create action strategies for success as they grow and explore
their happiness.In her simple practice self-love, Tina also focuses on raising awareness of the power of our choices. In each moment, the choices we make impact our success and determine whether or not we reach our goals in business or personal life. “Encouraging people to say yes to choices that lead them to their deepest desires and true happiness and no to choices that do not serve their best interests is extremely powerful”
Join Tina in her 40 Day LoveFest: Letting Go, a daily BlogTalkRadio show now through Nov 1 www.BlogTalkRadio.com/
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