October 29, 2013

Letting Go: And Owning Our Choices...

Okay readers, today is the final installment from the amazing Tina Nies. I hope you have enjoyed this series, and leave a note for Tina if you've been changed because of her!!


Sending a big thank you and hug to Rachel Grant for inviting me to share with you this month. I appreciate her support and each of yours as I shared some ideas and tools that have helped me live a happier, more loving life. I hope you have read something that supports you as you heal and grow.

As I wrap up this series on Letting Go, it’s interesting to share with you that even as I have been practicing happiness, self-love, letting go for a long time… I still practice. I still let go of stuff as it comes up. Sometimes I find things lingering around that I hadn’t noticed, but as I move to new levels of awareness, of living, those things are uncovered and I can let them go. Often they are things I hadn’t noticed, because I was too busy or was focused on other things in my life.

As we practice loving ourselves, forgiving ourselves, and letting go, it’s natural that some of those old habits or feelings might pop up. Why? Because we have created a safe space, a loving space, a gentle space to allow them to surface, so we can begin to let them go.

It’s important to let things come up, to let our feelings come to us and honor those feelings, honor those old habits, recognize them, sometimes thank them for serving us in the past, but then let those things go. Let that old habit know we don’t need it anymore, and we can begin a practice of letting it go.

Why is this important?

Because as we do this, as more stuff comes up and we keep letting it go, we begin to really OWN our choices, own our intentions, own our feelings and reactions.
Remember when we talked about things beyond our control?  Remember when we might have had a “whatever” attitude when it came to making choices?

Well, when we are consciously practicing loving ourselves and letting things go… what we are really doing is choosing.

We are practicing “choosing” to acknowledge ourselves, choosing to acknowledge others, even choosing to acknowledge things beyond our control.

When we practice making those simple choices, we get better at making the bigger choices.

So, what about those things beyond our control? How much do they really impact us?

How much impact do our own choices really have in our life and our happiness?

This is an excerpt from one of my e-books “7 Steps to Make Confident Choices Now” (which you can download free at http://www.40daylovefest.com/gift3.html)

“Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at UC-Riverside and author of "The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want," analyzed studies on identical twins and other psychological research. She found that happiness is 50% genetic, 40% intentional and 10% circumstantial.
Consciously making choices from your heart is powerful, it’s 40%!! The choices you make create much of the quality of your life. Mastering the art of choice can help you live your dreams, succeed in business, reach your goals, have better quality relationships with friends and family, and create anything you desire. 
To be fully conscious of that power, we need to take responsibility for that 40% and use that to overcome some of the obstacles that we can’t directly control. We can move to a better, happier place through our choices, regardless of where we are right now. Remember what Theodore Roosevelt said, “Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.””
Circumstances are only 10%?

You might be thinking, “What the heck? Not sure I believe that one.” 

Genetics is 50%?

Whoa – okay, so according to that study, 60% of “stuff” is beyond our control to some extent at this point, but science is trying to change that. Haha


Intention is 40%!!!!

Yep, your choice, your intention is critical to living a happier life. I really hope that I’ve been able to help you use your choice, your intentions to let go of the stuff you might be holding onto, stuff that may be limiting your happiness.

If nothing else, I encourage to use the 2 minutes a day 40 Day LoveFest practice. It’s powerful and is, in my opinion, one of the best ways to start your journey of letting go.

Why is it so powerful?

It’s simple, you can do this practice anywhere, anytime and when you make this a practice, you begin to own your choices. In owning your choices, you affect that 40%.

Here is the practice again, in case you don’t remember. There are 3 steps to the LoveFest practice:

Step 1 – In the morning (or anytime) take 1 minute to identify three things you are grateful for. Day 1 might be easy, probably even on our worst days, we are grateful for something. So, as you do this every day, try not to repeat the exact same things. Instead, dig a little deeper in your gratitude. For example if today you are grateful for your child, tomorrow think of why you are grateful for that child, maybe they have a cute sneeze, or they make the best funny face, or that you are grateful for your reading time together. If you are grateful for the sun, why, what about it do you enjoy? When you practice this daily, you begin to look for more good in your life and your hold on the negative stuff lessens.

Step 2 – Throughout the day, most of us look into a mirror many times, when we wash our hands brush our hair, get dressed, etc. At least once during the day, when you are already looking into a mirror (so this takes no extra time), say something nice to yourself. If you can, tell yourself, “I like you” or “I love you” or “Nice sweater.”  It doesn’t have to be deep and soulful, it can be simple, but say something positive. If you really have a tough time with this, try telling yourself “You have possibilities” or just remind yourself of something nice you’ve done for someone like “That was nice of you to hold the door for the woman struggling with her bags at the mall.”  After practicing this once a day, you’ll begin to look for nice things to say multiple times a day!

Step 3 – In the evening (or anytime), take 1 minute to acknowledge yourself for three things you accomplished that day, big or small. I like to call them my Daily Triumphs, because even the little things we do lead us to our bigger goals. For example, a student celebrates graduation, we have a party, and it’s a big triumph, right? But each day, that student might study, write a paper, study for a test, get tutoring, do research, meet with a study group, etc. Each of those things is important to acknowledge.

It’s the practice of the above three steps that makes them powerful. Doing them one time might feel good in the moment, but doesn’t really help us let go of anything. By practicing focusing on the good for just those 2 minutes a day, we’re practicing letting go of the focus on the stuff we can’t control.

What choices will you own today?

Thank you again for letting me share with you. If I can support you on your journey of letting go, let me know. Visit 40DayLoveFest.com or email me: info@behappiertoday.com.  

Love & hugs,



Tina Nies is a Certified Life Coach and Vision Board Coach.  Her passion is building and strengthening an individual’s self-love as a foundation for success. Tina empowers individuals with a foundation to develop their vision and create action strategies for success as they grow and explore their happiness.

In her simple practice self-love, Tina also focuses on raising awareness of the power of our choices. In each moment, the choices we make impact our success and determine whether or not we reach our goals in business or personal life. “Encouraging people to say yes to choices that lead them to their deepest desires and true happiness and no to choices that do not serve their best interests is extremely powerful”

Join Tina in her 40 Day LoveFest: Letting Go, a daily BlogTalkRadio show now through Nov 1 www.BlogTalkRadio.com/behappiertoday.

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