Today, Patrick shares more about the impact of bullying and what we can do about it!
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Every child deserves a happy, healthy and loving
environment to grow up in. Together we
can protect children from abuse, neglect and bullying and lead each child into
a brighter future.
America’s children suffer from a hidden epidemic. Every year over 3 million children are
victims of violence and neglect, and those are only the ones that are
reported. Because this epidemic is so
under-reported, the actual number of children being harmed is 3 times greater.
And every day 1 out of 7 kids and teens are approached
online by predators, 1 out of 4 kids are bullied. Depending on the age group, 43% of students
say they have been digitally harassed. 9
out of 10 LGBT students experienced harassment at school and online. 8% of students miss at least 1 day of class
per month for fear of Bullies Suicides as a result of bullying are
senseless. No one deserves to be bullied
for any reason.
“A lot of parents still think it’s just kids being kids,
that it’s a rite of passage or that every kid has to go through a time of being
tormented by their peers in order to build character,” says Patrick Dati, owner
of You and Me Can Stop Bullies. “That’s
totally false. We know that it’s very harmful;
it actually is peer abuse.”
Unchecked peer abuse can lead to devastating results for
children who are bullied. Children who
bully and children who witness the abuse also are at risk for long-term
problems. Those who observe bullying
behavior may feel unsafe, powerless to act, guilty for not acting or may even
be enticed to participate. Students who
bully others often end up participating in more antisocial behavior – including
criminal activity – at an early age.
Wherever groups of children interact, bullying has a way
of rearing its head. The phenomenon is
widespread—but it’s also avoidable. Schools can take action against bullying
behavior by working to change culture.
With focus and commitment, anti-bullying programs can lead to long-term
change.
Bullying affects a reported 15 to 25 percent of students
in the United States. It can be
physical, verbal or psychological. It is
characterized by an imbalance of power, repeated incidents between the same
children, and intent to cause distress or harm.
And harm it does.
Victimization can have profound effects on children’s physical,
psychological, and emotional health. And
these effects can carry over to schools and communities. Every day, more than 160,000 students miss
school for fear of being bullied.
Prolonged attacks may lead bullied students to drop out of school
permanently, abuse drugs, develop violent or antisocial behaviors, or grow
dependent on public assistance—societal costs that could have been avoided if
bullying were stopped.
Many school leaders see bullying behavior as a problem
without a solution. A rite of
passage. Just part of growing up. But recent research into the long-term
consequences of bullying reveals an issue schools can no longer afford to
ignore.
For an anti-bullying program to work, educators have to
know exactly what they’re up against.
The program can begin with an anonymous student questionnaire. This helps educators identify when, where,
and among which groups of students bullying is most prevalent—allowing schools
to respond accordingly.
Teacher-facilitated discussions with all students (not
just those who bully or are victimized) clarify the parameters for interacting
with others. This is more effective than
a teacher intervening only after a problem occurs. The program also provides educators with
research-based “scripts” for talking with students, allowing them to speak and
handle issues with confidence.
How bullying behavior develops is a complicated issue
because of the multitude of factors that can contribute to its
development. The media, cultural issues,
temperament, as well as genetic influences probably play a role. However, parent styles and what parents’
model at home has a lot to do with the messages that children receive from
adults. I often ask parents how conflict
with their spouse is experienced by their children. Does one parent always win and does one
parent always lose a battle? Does one
parent always win by using strong authoritarian strategies? Children observe the way their parents fight,
and will either identify with the winner or the loser. An aggressive child may see that winning
through aggression will eventually get you what you want, whereas a child who
may be passive may be intimidated and frightened by the aggression. This child may run away from aggression and
identify with empathy, concern and compassion to the parent who is on the
losing end of the conflict.
Parenting styles have much to do with how your child
“learns to bully”. Parents who have very
strict boundaries, and do not leave a lot of room for children to be themselves
may encourage a child to get angry and rebel at different places outside of the
home. These parents may not allow for
children to develop caring and empathetic responses, which can further
contribute to bullying behavior. These
children may lack remorse for being aggressive because they experience this as
normal behavior. Unfortunately, the
combination of aggression and lack of empathy can all be part of bullying.
Check back next week for the conclusion of Patrick's story..
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Patrick has now broken his silence and has written a memoir about the abuse and bullying he endured from an older brother throughout his childhood and adult life. The memoir is also a torturous coming out story of a man raised in the midst of a devout Catholic family whose members he loved and spent years trying to please by realizing their dreams for him. He attempted suicide twice, and found freedom and himself one day in three simple words: “I have survived.”
In living to please others, Patrick married twice and today is the proud father of a beautiful and loving 16 year old daughter. Recently, he met a man he loves and is now sharing his life with his partner. Now an advocate for several organizations devoted to preventing childhood abuse and bullying. Available as a public speaker to help victims of abuse and bullying.
Patrick graduated with a BA in Broadcast Communications from Columbia College in Chicago.
Website www.youandmecanstopbullies.com
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