September 10, 2013

Coming Clean About My Double Life--Part 2

Today we hear Part 2 of Patrick's story about coming out to his family and surviving an abusive relationship.


The story goes on.  I realized during my teens I was gay but hid, because I knew my family would never accept me nor could I figure out how to even act out on my feelings.  As years went on, I learned how to please everyone that loved me because I was afraid to disappoint them.  Although I had gay feelings, I never acted upon them because I did not want to lose my family and the people that loved me.

For the rest of my life I became a pro at pleasing everyone that loved me, not even thinking about myself or what made me happy.  It was more important to please everyone else and just put my own feelings aside. It was easier and pleased the people that loved me.  Deep down inside I began to hate myself and did not care about living.  I wished at times to be hit by a truck or shot by a gang member just to put myself out of the life I created, which was not what I chose.

To make a long story short, I married two women and lived the life everyone else expected of me, pretending I was happy.  The one wonderful gift I got out of it all was a daughter, and I thank God every day for allowing me to be her father.  I tried so hard for many years to be normal (what was normal for my family) but deep down inside I was dying.  I hated myself.  Finally at one point I met a wonderful man named Derrick. 

I introduced him to the family as my friend.  Derrick was in love with me and begged me to come out and marry him and share a life together.  He made me so happy, but when it came to making my decision to share my life with him I walked away.  I knew my family would not accept my life as a gay man so I walked away from the first man that made me happy.

A few years later after hiding my sexuality from my family, I met my ex-partner (big mistake).  He was not the person I wanted to be with because I knew he was bad for me, but he did give me the confidence to stand up for myself and come out.  God I wish it could have been with anyone else but with him to come out to, my family but life deals the cards and you just go with the game.  Well the next few years my ex-partner drained me of my life and almost every dime I earned.  I had to leave my condo home that I finally purchased on my own to move back with my brother, mom and dad.  My life meant nothing any more.  I have a beautiful daughter the love of my life, but inside I felt empty and every day felt like it just should end.  I did not want to go on anymore.  When my Dad was dying, my brother was out of work, and mom was doing her best to keep things going, but I just wanted to end it all.  I began to act out and doing things that never was the norm for me.  I started to indulge into over the counter drugs and drinking way too much.  I did not care about life and nothing mattered except to please my family.

Throughout our childhood and adult life my brother picked on me and at times beat me up.  He may have felt it was sibling rivalry but to me it was hurt and pain.  I was frightened of him my entire life and at times thought he would kill me because he hated me.  Last February my brother and I got into an argument.

That night my brother said in front of our mother and niece that I was a faggot and he hated me his entire life and then threatened to kill me if I did not leave.  That day I relived the day of being raped at 9 years old.  A man had threatened to kill to have sex with me and then I came home where my older brother who was responsible for taking care of me beat me up.  That day this past February was an awakening for me.  I decided that I would never again live with any more violence and abuse.  I hid my entire life from abuse and bullying and will no longer let it back into my life.

I have moved on with my life.  It is not the life my family would like for me but it is the life I have always wanted.  I have fallen in love with a wonderful warm man.  He loves me completely for me and we have begun to build a happy life together.

Check back next week for Part 3 of Patrick's story..


Patrick has now broken his silence and has written a memoir about the abuse and bullying he endured from an older brother throughout his childhood and adult life. The memoir is also a torturous coming out story of a man raised in the midst of a devout Catholic family whose members he loved and spent years trying to please by realizing their dreams for him. He attempted suicide twice, and found freedom and himself one day in three simple words: “I have survived.”

In living to please others, Patrick married twice and today is the proud father of a beautiful and loving 16 year old daughter. Recently, he met a man he loves and is now sharing his life with his partner. Now an advocate for several organizations devoted to preventing childhood abuse and bullying. Available as a public speaker to help victims of abuse and bullying.

Patrick graduated with a BA in Broadcast Communications from Columbia College in Chicago. 


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