This week, we have the final post from guest blogger, Tahil Gesyuk. It's been so great learning from this masterful coach. Enjoy!
When we relate with others we typically take turns supporting one another. This in turn leads to mutual respect and deepening of connection. In the early stages of connection when we can't show up for each other, an effort is needed to reconnect from lack of momentum of early relating. This momentum vacillates to such a velocity that it transcends the two and gives birth to a third. This third entity has an identity that both partners contributed to and in its transcendent state it contributes back. This article is about how to develop and nurture this transcendence between the couple and how to relate to its contributions.
- A deep breath is taken
- Body relaxes
- Facial expressions match emotional space
- Posture opens (arms and legs uncross and general leaning in and nodding of head in acknowledgement)
- Pitch gets lower
- Speaking gets slower more introspective
- Speaking gets more expressive of expansive feelings, such as, happy, joyful, grounded, courageous, and relaxed
The better we get at reading and spotting expansive cues the better timing we will have with our ability to connect. It will become smoother, more efficient, and it will feel effortless—no different than taking a deep breath.
Contractive Non-Verbal Cues...
- Breath shortens
- Body tightens
- Face expression is not matching the emotional space shared
- Posture pulls in (arms crossed, legs cross, and general sense of leaning away)
- Fidgeting: it could be increased movement like ants in pants or twirling hair or chewing on straw
- Pitch gets higher
- Speed of talking increases
- Short concise answers that are not open ended
- Act of mirroring. You tend to mimic each other’s body movement. This links up your nervous system and a variety of chemical reactions to create a unified almost altered intimacy of connection. It is the body language of bonding.
- There is a tendency to increase eye contact and have extended periods of maintaining its length together.
- Breathing links and harmonizes together with your partner.
- Senses of touch, sight become more active, while the other senses tend to drop away.
- Voices tend to harmonize
- There is a capacity to finish each other’s words and thoughts, and sense of what they are going to say next
- There is a tendency for a greater capacity to communicate without words, using tones, grunts, sighs, etc.
The better we develop timing, taking turns, and partnering in the unknown, our ability to transcend and be supported in our relationship, even when we cannot show up for each other, greatly increases. It has its own momentum, its own knowledge, and dare I say, its own identity.
Tahil has a passion for bringing love, connection,and health into people’s lives. With over 15 solid years of coaching experience, he is committed to bringing forth the radiance in each human being. As the director of the Intimacy Forum, Tahil Gesyuk is dedicated to teaching you the language of creating extraordinary relationships that impact the world in a loving and effective way.
The Intimacy Forum produces events and trainings around affection and connection, bringing a unique synthesis of full sensory and full body learning around *Heart-intimacy*, connection and affection.
For more info, please visit our website: http://www.intimacyforumtraining.com