I recently connected with Alle C. Hall, a sought-after author, speaker, writing instructor, and incest survivor known for her profound and compassionate insights into the joy, challenges, and successes that come from harnessing the creativity that heals trauma.
She and I had a great conversation about the power of stories to heal and reclaim joy, and I'm so glad to introduce you to this powerhouse woman!
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RACHEL: What inspired you to start writing about/exploring this topic?
ALLE: I began writing professionally only a few months prior to uncovering a true willingness to accept the trauma that defined my childhood. Prior to that, I didn't think about being abused; it was as complex and as simple as that. I survived well enough, given I did not know how to love or be loved. Although I didn't understand so at the time, it was as if having my work published gave my inner child that last little boost she needed to come forth and say, "Heal me. Now."
In my healing process, I spent seven, maybe eight years in recovery from an eating disorder, alcoholism, and PTSD related to surviving childhood trauma before it occurred to me that my story could be altered in this fun (for me) way and become a good book. Up until the idea dawned, I found being a journalist completely satisfying.
I often wrote about women's issues: female genital mutilation, s*xism in the workplace. S*xual assault. My favorite piece to date was supposed to be a review of the musical, Miss Saigon, but the day copy was due, an Asian woman was murdered by her husband. This white guy had done what, in the article, I called "purchased her" through the magazine Cherry Blossoms. Claiming he was physically abusive, she was filing for divorce - was in the actual courthouse - when he walked up to her and shot her dead. She was pregnant.
I couldn't help but see the overlap between magazines that marketed young, beautiful Asian women to white men in the States and the issues presented in Miss Saigon: denying female autonomy, the objectification of young Asian women, the insistence that they be beautiful, and the imperialistic dynamic often present in relationships between white men and Asian women. Suffice to say: Miss Saigon did not come across well, in my review.
The stories of women and girls have been critical to me since the point, when I was a girl, I realized that the way girls were shaped by society was inequitable and unbearable and just plain nonsensical. As soon as I started publishing those stories, I experienced the personal freedom that came from decrying sexism and misogyny, right there in print. Using my creativity to nail patriarchy and it's toxic off-shoots.
One afternoon, at work, I don't know why but the entire book, the whole arc, popped into my head: girl being abused, steals money to run away, comes into contact with a Lonely Planet guidebook, decides on Asia. Gets to Asia, fucks up entirely due to the fact that she's brought her history in her backpack with her. Comes across Tai chi and many the generous and caring people that practice Tai chi.
There was never a question that the main character would find Tai chi. It wasn't an element of the novel I weighed or debated. It existed from the time the novel popped into my head. My own practice led to choices about life that wouldn't have happened had I not pursued the light, the positive circles, that Tai chi offers.
It feels as if it had been in there for years: Asia, incest, Tai chi, learning to thrive. As I came to writing, it was only a matter of time until a novel based loosely on my childhood was going to come out.
Why a novel? I published a number of first-person essays describing elements of my childhood, how I got through them. For some reason, the story in As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back had to come out as a novel.
Why?
When I figure that out, I will be accepting my Nobel for Science.
RACHEL: What key insights or lessons have you learned through your experiences with this subject?
ALLE: I'll start, here, with something many of your readers already know: most abuse is not snatch-her-off-the-street. Most abuse is perpetrated by family and/or other trusted adults. Every survivor I come in contact with struggles with wanting to have their family, particularly the perpetrator, admit to the abuse and apologize. There is - sometimes unspoken, often subconscious - idea that getting them to apologize is the key to healing.
Don't wait for anyone else's acknowledgment before you let yourself heal. Believe yourself and move into your recovery program, Give yourself the pleasure of a functional life filled with those who believe you, who trust you, love you, who accept the beauty and the wonder that is your strength.
And expect the miracle. You never know who in your family or community is going to come out in support of you.
Secondly, I would stress that financial independence is really critical.
I'm not saying you need to be rich. I'm saying you need to know you can take care of yourself.
It is very hard to experience healing when those who caused the damage are partially or in full your source of income; even paying for your recovery processes.
For two years, I made between $6.50 and $8.50 an hour as a receptionist. It was the only job I could handle while in the initial stages of getting my head together. But I got by. I was really proud of supporting myself despite every person in my childhood who told me I couldn't be my own person, I would always be dependent on my family. Slowly, step by reasonable step, I built a career publishing and teaching about surviving trauma through harnessing creative expression.
Which brings me to my final point: unresolved trauma sits like a blanket, wet and heavy over the hippocampus, which is a part of the brain primary to holding the different facets of trauma: the physical, the spiritual, the emotional, the s*xual, and the intellectual. The hippocampus can file images of the abuse separate from the memory of it, and separate from the emotions locked there: anger, shame, pain, guilt, and loneliness.
The hippocampus is also the seat of our creativity. Anyone can work to harness whatever form of creativity they enjoy to physically push the trauma out of their body. I know people who discover they are visual artists, chefs, potters, or are great at telling stories. Or they make quilts, or parent in the most amazing way imaginable. It doesn't matter what you do to express yourself. As long as it doesn't involve damaging or illegal behavior, you can harness that creativity to flush the trauma and generate still more creative expression, flushing still more trauma.
RACHEL: What challenges or misconceptions do you think people face when dealing with this topic, and how can they overcome them?
ALLE: I'll start with that last part, because it's the easiest to formulate sentences about, though perhaps the hardest to commit to: you just cannot give up.
No matter what life throws at you, no matter what kind of break you might take from your healing, and whatever trouble you might get into because of that break, you have to come back to pursuing personal joy and ultimate peace.
My experience is that overcoming trauma and abuse comes down to accepting that while it was bad and horrible and wrong, it did happen. I learned to accept that it happened without condoning that it happened.
So, how does a person do that? I think that one's addictions are the easiest place to begin because there's a free, accessible process: 12-step programs. These days, many good books you'll come in contact with while working the steps include addressing childhood trauma. The best one I've reads is called Iron Legacy by Dr. Donna J. Bevan-Lee.
If you want to learn about recovery through written exercises and reading personal essays, get Iron Legacy. If you want to learn about it via a story, get mine.
RACHEL: Are there any common myths or misunderstandings about this topic that you'd like to address?
ALLE: What a timely question, given how we are focused on the women abused as girls and older by Jeffrey Epstein, Ghislaine Maxwell, and all those powerful, rich men. It wasn't until a month or so ago that we started hearing the women referred to as survivors. They were called victims.
The public at large needs to be shown that while survivors were victimized, we are no longer victims. We live with joy in conjunction with an awareness of and despite the world being what it is.
Another misconception is that the survivors are at fault. The truth is: we didn't hurt anybody We didn't commit crimes. Child abuse is a crime.
In addition, victims yet somehow also at fault, we're supposed to be weak, perhaps kept in bed and fed soup.
Of course, people are shocked and horrified when they hear what I went through, and that is fair. But too many people lack the understanding of how strong someone has to be to survive childhood trauma, s*xual trauma. We are so strong.
RACHEL: What resources, tools, or next steps would you recommend for readers who want to dive deeper into this topic?
ALLE: A primary importance is accepting that you need help getting through this. While you might have been alone when the abuse took place, you aren't alone now. so many people have so much wisdom about surviving, about thriving, and they give it so freely. Worlds of joy you never expected will become yours.
As I've said, and I will reiterate here: 12-Step programs.
Additionally, here is a wonderful national organization called She Recovers. They have local groups that meet monthly.
I have a small, private Facebook group called Reading and Writing Trauma. I'd love you to join us. Especially if you like reading books about surviving trauma. Also, if you're interested in writing about, even publishing your stories, we're a great place to get that information.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/587401290619506
---I wholeheartedly echo everything Alle has shared here. If you’re on a journey of healing or exploring how creativity can help you move forward, I encourage you to check out her work, her novel, and the wonderful resources she offers for insight, encouragement, and inspiration.
To Joy!
P.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self Session.
RESOURCE OF THE MONTH
Recipient of fifteen prizes and honors, As Far as You Can Go Before You Have to Come Back is a girl-and-her-backpack story with a #MeToo framing set in S.E. Asia and Japan in the late 1980s.
Carlie is not merely traveling. A child trauma survivor as a teen, she steals ten thousand dollars and runs away to Asia. Through Hong Kong, The Philippines, Bali, and Thailand, the Lonely Planet path of hookups, heat, alcohol, and drugs takes on a terrifying reality for the young survivor. Trading s*x for protection, Carlie retreats to alcohol and self-starvation.
Finally, on the tiny island of oh Phangan, Thailand - home to the infamous Full Moon party - Carlie falls in with an international crew of Tai chi-practicing backpackers.
Landing in Tokyo, Carlie has the chance at a journey she did not plan for: to find the self-respect ripped from her as a child and the healthy s*xuality she desires.
UPCOMING EVENTS
brought to you in partnership with CPTSD Foundation
As survivors of childhood abuse, family can be a continuous problem. In the same way that our families might have failed us as children, they so often fail us again as adults. We will explore ways we can nurture, love, and build our connection with self.
LIVE ZOOM EVENT
Are self-doubt and fear holding you back
from the life you truly want?
For many survivors of abuse, confidence can feel like an impossible dream. You may find yourself wondering if you’re good enough, avoiding opportunities, or constantly worrying about being “found out.”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone - and there is a way forward.
Join me for this powerful, trauma-informed masterclass that will help you finally break free from the grip of self-doubt and step into authentic confidence regardless of the type of abuse you experienced.
What You’ll Learn in This Free Training:
✅ Take an in-depth look at the 3 big mistakes that survivors of abuse make that lead to a lack of confidence
✅ Uncover the specific beliefs that may be sabotaging your best efforts to succeed
✅ Discover the 5 keys to ending self-doubt without spending years in therapy
✅ Learn the #1 leverage point for eliminating fear and achieving your full potential
People stare at me like a deer in headlights nowadays when I tell them I was s*xually abused. Many get angry. "People don't talk about that in public." Why not? I was such a basket case for half my life because I believed that nonsense. I even tried to kill myself because that weight of feeling dirty, stupid and weak was crushing me.
