Hoover Elementary School sat on the top of a hill in my smalltown Oklahoma. The u-shaped building made for a great raceway as little feet puttered quickly from gym, to classroom, to art room, to lunch room, to playground with teachers inevitably shouting, "Slow down! Watch out!" while pausing to lift up those who had stumbled over their awkward, still developing feet.
I loved school. It was a place of creativity and knowledge and play. And it was a place where I felt nurtured. It's, of course, also the place where I made friends.
Around age 6-7, I met Nikki. We became fast friends. We spent every recess together, lots of playdates (I loved going to her house to see her bunny!), and even had gymnastics class together.
As we can do when we are little, I thought Nikki and I would be friends forever :)
Then one day in 4th grade, Nikki walked over to me with another girl by her side and without any ceremony said, "You aren't my friend anymore. She's my best friend now."
I can't recall saying anything back. Too shocked to find any words. I remember feeling stunned and like my whole body had turned to cement.
She promptly spun around as only little girls can and sauntered away.
When I think about the first time I felt shame, this is the moment that comes to mind. And even if I could search my memory and find something at an earlier date, this moment left an indelible mark on my sense of self.
It was the beginning of a major belief that I would spend decades battling: "I am unwanted."
This core belief was reinforced or added to by the people who harmed me in the future years of my life: grandfather, partners, bosses.
And of course, because I was already convinced of the truth of this, even when there was so much counter-evidence that it could fill a whole grain silo, I couldn't be convinced.
Unraveling this shame message took a lot of work! But today, having used the Beyond Surviving Method along with deeply tapping into the love of the best friends I have in my life today who never spin and walk away, I have released this shame and found deep, solid self-love.
So much so that, in fact, should someone decide to do an about face, I know today that this means nothing about me!
If you take a moment to consider the shame messages that are still impacting the way you think and feel about yourself and are ready to learn how to release that dysfunctional shame, I do so hope you'll come to the next Thrive Tribe training!
To self-love,
P.S. If you're ready to take the next step in healing from abuse and would like to explore enrolling in the Beyond Surviving program, start by applying for a Discover Your Genuine Self session.
UPCOMING EVENTS
April 11th, 4:00p-5:30 PT / 7:00-8:30p ET
LIVE ZOOM EVENT
- Understand the importance of regulating the nervous system for healing, especially in the context of supporting a child.
- Recognize dysregulation and survival stress responses and learn how to respond in the moment to different types of activation
- Identify external and internal resources that can help soothe and ground yourself and your child.
- Explore ways to create a "resource kit" for children to help them in those “I need help right now” moments
- Engage in grounding and nervous system regulation exercises
- Get your questions answered by Coach Rachel
April 16th, 4:30p-6p PT / 7:30p-9p ET
LIVE ZOOM EVENT
PUT AN END TO SHAME!
Get ready to shift from feeling worthless and unlovable to knowing you are a treasure and deserve respect, love, care, and so much more at our next Thrive Tribe workshop.
Learn More & Register Here
Can't attend live?
No worries! A limited time replay will be made available!
April 18th, 3:30p-5p PT / 6:30p-8p ET
LIVE ZOOM EVENT
In partnership with CPTSD Foundation
- Understand how limiting belief systems are formed and neuronal pathways are created
- Identify your limiting beliefs through a powerful visualization
- Learn a 4 Step process for rewiring neuronal pathways and releasing negative thoughts
- Discover how various parts of the brain are impacted by abuse
- Explore the neuroscience of trauma and what that tells us about how to heal from abuse
in partnership with CPTSD Foundation
April 8th
BOUNDARIES
Setting boundaries and assertiveness are both essential for survivors if we want to be treated with respect and improve our self-esteem. We'll explore the process of learning to set boundaries & be assertive
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