During my 20s, I definitely did a lot of the work aimed towards answering the question, "Who am I?" I remember it as a time of feeling completely confident one moment and then unsteady & confused the next. There were days when I felt so uncomfortable in my skin. These days were balanced, though, by ones in which I easily walked into any situation and felt at ease.
Through a myriad of experiences, I began to discover a self composed of likes, dislikes, attitudes, fears, beliefs, hopes, weaknesses. I understood myself on new levels and did the work of breaking old patterns of thought & behavior that had held me back by for years.
I remember distinctly, a few days after my 30th birthday, thinking, "Whew! I'm so glad to be done with that whole 'finding yourself' business!" Little did I know! Only weeks later did I realize I had entered a new phase, which I call the "But can you deal with who you are" phase! It became clear to me that the new work to be done was to not only accept who I was, but who I wasn't.
When I came across Auden's statement, it made perfect sense. We do have a duty to get past the "limitations" that arise due to trauma, circumstances, or a variety of experiences. This is much of the work I do with my clients - identifying the "false identities" they've taken on as a result of past trauma.
Also, it's important to know what is outside of our nature, because not doing so does lead to detrimental outcomes. Without this clarity, we chastise ourselves unfairly or waste time on things that we aren't suited for. This is also some of the work I do - using a variety of activities and conversations to guide my clients to a clear sense of what they've been striving after that has been a drain, because it is not really a part of who they are.
So! Never again will I say yes to day long shopping adventures (not in my nature). No longer will I say no to high-heels (turns out, I really do like being girly sometimes despite having believed for years that all things feminine were bad).
In order to be true to ourselves, know which relationships are of benefit, identify the boundaries that we need to set, and so much more, we must construct an identity that goes beyond "survivor of abuse."
And if you aren't sure how to get there, and identify as female, then I invite you to participate in my upcoming group program for women. In this safe space, I will guide you towards accepting who you ain't as much as who you is and living in alignment with this knowledge!
To truly knowing yourself,
Watch this video in which Brian Little explores "What makes you, you?".
Read more about how we construct an identity.
What are some of the things that you know about yourself that you have no doubt about?
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NOW ENROLLING!
BEYOND SURVIVING
GROUP PROGRAM FOR WOMEN
ONLY 4 SPOTS LEFT
Program starts September 8th
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BOOK OF THE MONTH
Are you feeling stressed out, anxious, and alone? Do you stay up all night drenched with worry about how vulnerable you are to what you can't control? Wondering how will you handle it? Because of anxiety and panic, do you double down on your efforts to be smart enough, cool enough, good enough, only to have that effort backfire, and you feel more inadequate and overwhelmed?
Even if you aren't a teen, this is a great read!
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UPCOMING EVENTS
August: From Denial to Truth
Many of us remain in denial about our childhood abuse experiences for years. Moving from denial to truth is a journey we have to face if we’re going to heal.
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