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Thomas Paine once said, “If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace.” For many the day of trouble seems to never end. In some cases intensifying with each passing week, and at times, the path which chose some of us by force seems to overwhelm us causing us to shout, “Oh Violence! Thou has conquered!”
In such times, something unseen, something mystical pushes me through the darkness to hold on, and pushes me to continue telling my story and the stories of others.
Throughout history most pioneers get the beatings and settlers the rewards. If this is true, many victims of violence who advocate for change become pioneers and walk into a different level of abuse and victimization by a society which often lacks understanding, empathy, compassion, creating systems to hold onto toxic traditional norms, and draws the strings to the purses of change and resources tightly.
Sometimes I think to myself, if this is the price to have a society which is free from violence against women and girls, then I would rather not have peace.
This may seem to be a harsh statement, however many victims who lived in the midst of violence have been conditioned to know nothing else. Because violence and chaos touched our lives, we sometimes feel strangely at peace, but also insanely uncomfortable and cry out for help.
Yet hope in a better tomorrow propels us to work towards stripping ourselves from finding any comfort in chaos.
When I reflect upon the emotional, psychological, physical, and sexual violence which I endured as a child, I see how it set me on a self-destructive path.
Yet, I chose to be an influencer. I’d rather use the debris of my life to make positive impacts and touch lives. I’d rather work toward the prevention of violence against women and girls, men and boys and I’d rather feel the sting of a society than remain neutral.
The assumptions, attitudes and behaviours which enable environments of violence to undermine the health and well-being of children ought to be changed to promote healthy environments of peaceful coexistence, safety and security.
Children should never be used as sexual objects to pacify the perverted appetites of individuals whose uncontrolled toxic passions are governed by lustful desires of power to control, hurt, and perpetuate violence.
At times, I’d rather forget my pain, forget that childhood abuse touched my life and marred it. I’d rather forget and just live. I’d rather forget the problems I endured, the depression which took over at times causing feelings of fear and anxiety moving me to be a loner, self-isolating even within the crowd.
I’d rather forget the inability to trust completely, the depletion of authentic love and the self-harm which, at times, led to suicide ideations and failed attempts. I would rather forget the seductive pull of being torn between hating the abuse and my abusers, and the teenage biological yearning for sexual exploration.
Still, I despised it all, and often washed my skin so hard that it blistered after those filthy touches. I’d rather forget the facades I had to create to survive the next day, the next touch, and to face society and the shame that moved me to make up stories of grandeur and the lies to protect the abusers while wishing they were caught or dead to prevent society from labeling me incomplete, flawed, or citing me as the cause of the abuse.
Slowly I begun to hate my abusers, the world and life. I was ashamed of my body, and creeping thoughts of hate against those who stood on the side-lines and did nothing enveloped my mind.
I held the passion of hate for a society that told me, “Girls should be seen and not heard,” and a growing despise against, yet a yearning for, the very touch of a man. Yet I hope for a better tomorrow so I push to survive.
While my life is continually one of transition, embracing my narratives, one of growth and acceptance, I cannot and will not allow society to say to me, “Hush!” Because women and girls voices should be seen and heard!
I will not allow society to say, “Break your silence, but we do not want to hear,” and I will not be re-traumatized and re-victimized by those who believe victims of violence make too much noise, require too much support, and ought to continue to keep family secrets. Many tried and are still trying to silence my voice. Yet I hope in a better tomorrow keeps me speaking.
For victims of violence and abuse pain passes the comprehension of the mind and stings like a craved demoniac, leaving lingering pangs that sometimes only the darkness of night or solitude eases. Sometimes the faces and voices that we see and hear add more pain to the sorrows of our hearts.
Because abuse is pervasive, because women and girls are still oppressed because of the resiliency of patriarchy, because children are violated and human beings are sold as pieces of merchandise to the highest bidder for the sexual gratification of unwise and foolish individuals, because power holders, influencers, law makers and governments refuse to see the issue of child abuse and domestic violence as national issues, and because women and girls are slowly becoming endangered, I will not keep silent. I will advocate, collaborate and work towards a better world because I hope.
I will take the frequent reputation attacks but not own them, I will acknowledge the feelings of shame but not live in them, and I will notice the ridicule and use the power of stories to create empowering opportunities using my voice, pen and the Internet to burst those self-created bubbles.
Violence against any human being must never be enabled, it must never rear its ugly head in our present and future lives. According to Elie Wiesel, we must never forget! If we forget, we too shall be forgotten. We must never rob the present and the future of our collective memory, and we must never cheapen or make banal our experiences with violence. We must forever remember those who died, for we are their memory, our hearts their museum, and our voices their justice. We must forge ahead.
I hold onto those moments of hope in the midst of darkness: when the voices of men rise to support women and girls being agents of change, the increasing number of women who are breaking their silence, the empowerment of victims, new laws that have been passed, and the power of the Internet to facilitate and sustain change. Hope in a better tomorrow looks promising and each of us must get involved to make it a reality.
Read Part 3: Reclaim Power = Change The World
In such times, something unseen, something mystical pushes me through the darkness to hold on, and pushes me to continue telling my story and the stories of others.
Throughout history most pioneers get the beatings and settlers the rewards. If this is true, many victims of violence who advocate for change become pioneers and walk into a different level of abuse and victimization by a society which often lacks understanding, empathy, compassion, creating systems to hold onto toxic traditional norms, and draws the strings to the purses of change and resources tightly.
Sometimes I think to myself, if this is the price to have a society which is free from violence against women and girls, then I would rather not have peace.
This may seem to be a harsh statement, however many victims who lived in the midst of violence have been conditioned to know nothing else. Because violence and chaos touched our lives, we sometimes feel strangely at peace, but also insanely uncomfortable and cry out for help.
Yet hope in a better tomorrow propels us to work towards stripping ourselves from finding any comfort in chaos.
When I reflect upon the emotional, psychological, physical, and sexual violence which I endured as a child, I see how it set me on a self-destructive path.
Yet, I chose to be an influencer. I’d rather use the debris of my life to make positive impacts and touch lives. I’d rather work toward the prevention of violence against women and girls, men and boys and I’d rather feel the sting of a society than remain neutral.
The assumptions, attitudes and behaviours which enable environments of violence to undermine the health and well-being of children ought to be changed to promote healthy environments of peaceful coexistence, safety and security.
Children should never be used as sexual objects to pacify the perverted appetites of individuals whose uncontrolled toxic passions are governed by lustful desires of power to control, hurt, and perpetuate violence.
At times, I’d rather forget my pain, forget that childhood abuse touched my life and marred it. I’d rather forget and just live. I’d rather forget the problems I endured, the depression which took over at times causing feelings of fear and anxiety moving me to be a loner, self-isolating even within the crowd.
I’d rather forget the inability to trust completely, the depletion of authentic love and the self-harm which, at times, led to suicide ideations and failed attempts. I would rather forget the seductive pull of being torn between hating the abuse and my abusers, and the teenage biological yearning for sexual exploration.
Still, I despised it all, and often washed my skin so hard that it blistered after those filthy touches. I’d rather forget the facades I had to create to survive the next day, the next touch, and to face society and the shame that moved me to make up stories of grandeur and the lies to protect the abusers while wishing they were caught or dead to prevent society from labeling me incomplete, flawed, or citing me as the cause of the abuse.
Slowly I begun to hate my abusers, the world and life. I was ashamed of my body, and creeping thoughts of hate against those who stood on the side-lines and did nothing enveloped my mind.
I held the passion of hate for a society that told me, “Girls should be seen and not heard,” and a growing despise against, yet a yearning for, the very touch of a man. Yet I hope for a better tomorrow so I push to survive.
While my life is continually one of transition, embracing my narratives, one of growth and acceptance, I cannot and will not allow society to say to me, “Hush!” Because women and girls voices should be seen and heard!
I will not allow society to say, “Break your silence, but we do not want to hear,” and I will not be re-traumatized and re-victimized by those who believe victims of violence make too much noise, require too much support, and ought to continue to keep family secrets. Many tried and are still trying to silence my voice. Yet I hope in a better tomorrow keeps me speaking.
For victims of violence and abuse pain passes the comprehension of the mind and stings like a craved demoniac, leaving lingering pangs that sometimes only the darkness of night or solitude eases. Sometimes the faces and voices that we see and hear add more pain to the sorrows of our hearts.
Because abuse is pervasive, because women and girls are still oppressed because of the resiliency of patriarchy, because children are violated and human beings are sold as pieces of merchandise to the highest bidder for the sexual gratification of unwise and foolish individuals, because power holders, influencers, law makers and governments refuse to see the issue of child abuse and domestic violence as national issues, and because women and girls are slowly becoming endangered, I will not keep silent. I will advocate, collaborate and work towards a better world because I hope.
I will take the frequent reputation attacks but not own them, I will acknowledge the feelings of shame but not live in them, and I will notice the ridicule and use the power of stories to create empowering opportunities using my voice, pen and the Internet to burst those self-created bubbles.
Violence against any human being must never be enabled, it must never rear its ugly head in our present and future lives. According to Elie Wiesel, we must never forget! If we forget, we too shall be forgotten. We must never rob the present and the future of our collective memory, and we must never cheapen or make banal our experiences with violence. We must forever remember those who died, for we are their memory, our hearts their museum, and our voices their justice. We must forge ahead.
I hold onto those moments of hope in the midst of darkness: when the voices of men rise to support women and girls being agents of change, the increasing number of women who are breaking their silence, the empowerment of victims, new laws that have been passed, and the power of the Internet to facilitate and sustain change. Hope in a better tomorrow looks promising and each of us must get involved to make it a reality.
Read Part 3: Reclaim Power = Change The World
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Sherna Alexander Benjamin is on a journey of Spiritual Renewal. She is a Writing Enthusiast, World Pulse Ambassador, Advocate and University student pursuing a course of study in Social Work and Research to restore human dignity, tell stories, drive social impact, and change Public Policies and Laws. She Champions for Justice Systems (within the family, community and society), Women and Girls Advancement and Education, Mainstreaming of Conflict Transformation and Peace building and the realization of Sustainable Development Goals.
"We educate women because it is smart. We educate women because it changes the world." - Drew Fuast
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