Escaping the Trap of Learned Helplessness

This week, Annie Addington explores how we find ourselves trapped by behaviors and reenacting old stories in the hopes of new endings.

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So, I was teaching, I was working deeply with people, I was singing, I was writing songs, BUT, during this time, I, myself, was undergoing more symptoms of my own abuse. I had married a man who could not be faithful. Ever. The pain was great and I drank to "kill the pain". Of course, the drinking, as always, caused more pain, more shame, and I hurt those that I loved. The dynamic of learned helplessness was also present.

"'Learned helplessness' is behavior that occurs when the subject endures repeatedly painful or otherwise adverse stimuli which it is unable to escape from or avoid. After such experiences, the organism often fails to learn or accept 'escape' or 'avoidance' in new situations where such behavior is likely to be effective. In other words, the organism learned that it is helpless. In situations where there is a presence of adverse stimuli, it has accepted that it has lost control and thus gives up trying." ~Wikipedia

  

This feeling of helplessness, or loss of control in life, is a deep-seated cause of depression. The statement is, "There’s no use."

This occurs when we as children are dependent upon adults, some of whom are abusing us, and, of course, as children we truly are dependent upon them. Therefore, the feeling of helplessness is very deep. 

This is compounded when the child attempts to tell a parent or another adult, and they are not believed. In my case, I tried once, and was laughed at. I told my mother that he had "kissed" me. Testing it out. She laughed and turned to my stepfather and said, "Puppy Love". I then waited until I was 18 to break the news. 10 years. 

In my years as therapist, I found that the deepest pain appeared to be the betrayal of the mother, the mother who did not believe or act upon the information. So many were in denial and, out of their own dependency, allowed the abuse to happen. That is abetting. 

I never believed that I could ever get away from this pain. This feeling, this traumatic misunderstanding becomes embodied, frozen, and in so doing, opens the door to more of the same. 

"You have no idea how preoccupied your subconscious is with the process of reenacting the play, so to speak, only hoping that 'this time it will be different.' And it never is! As time goes on, each disappointment weighs heavier and your soul becomes more and more discouraged.

For those of you who have not yet reached certain depths of your unexplored subconscious, this may sound quite preposterous and contrived. However, those of you who have come to see the power of your hidden trends, compulsions, and images will not only readily believe it, but will soon experience the truth of these words in their own personal lives. You already know from other findings how potent are the workings of your subconscious mind, how shrewdly it goes about its destructive and illogical ways."

Compulsion to Recreate and Overcome Childhood Hurts, a Pathwork Guide Lecture, Eva Pierrakos, Lecture No. 73, November 11, 1960. 

On top of the work in the groups and the Institute, I had my music career of sorts. I spent three years in collaboration with the Russian Rock Band. There was an endless supply of vodka and champanska. It became clear that alcohol was causing a recreation of feelings of shame and deep lack of self-worth. I could go on stage, but inside, I felt empty, a nothing. A loser.  

During these years, I wrote a lot of songs, personal songs, songs that told my story. I recorded them with the man who had worked together with me on the music. 

We performed these songs in Berlin, receiving a lot of recognition and good reviews. I was getting ready to heal. The alcohol was my saboteur. 

I had to grab the bull by the horns. I called my ex-husband and asked him if he would care for our son for a period of six months. My work was to stop drinking completely. I was able to go to lots of meetings and once again, I was in my power.

In 1997, I returned to the States, sober, with $800. I had stopped taking new clients throughout the year, so that I would not leave anyone with no warning. I completed all my contracts and then set sail. Because I had no spousal support, I was living on the edge financially, but I was driven. 

I was lucky to be able to work at the Pathwork Center and teach in Helpership Training there. The Center went through a major financial crisis and had to file for bankruptcy. 

I had entered my son in a Quaker School about an hour and a half away, so I moved with him to that area and became a Music and Drama Teacher in order to have my son go to this amazing school. Because I taught there, it was free. So, Teacher Time started.  

Read Part 3: The Core Self, The Ego, The Mask: Understanding the Levels of Change

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My life has been filled with constant change. I survived and rose from the ashes of childhood abuse, an ever-hungry and curious spirit, seeking growth, knowledge and change.

My first time in college, I was a theater major. I had been acting for several years in Community theater and in Summer Stock, where I played Luisa, (the Girl) in the Fantastiks, for instance. After two years at UCONN, I received an award for my acting, and thought I was to become a great actress, so I left school and moved to NYC, where I studied acting at Herbert Berghof Studios. But, it was 1967 and an influx of Love and Consciousness was happening. Woodstock!! Music!!! Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll!

So off I went, into a new world. The abuse that I experienced in my childhood went very deep and I experienced all of the after effects of this violation. Depression, anxiety, promiscuity and parties.

In 1978, I found the Pathwork and Core Energetics and my life turned around. I entered into deep studies and personal work with amazing teachers.

I moved to Amsterdam in 1981, where there was a strong Pathwork, with the idea of living in Europe for one year. I reconnected with my ex-husband, whom I had met at the Pathwork Center. We co-founded an institute in Germany in which we worked with and trained people to further the teachings of John and Eva Pierrakos, to explore the depths of oneself; one's thought processes, one's physical condition and one's feelings.

In the Institute, we also gave teachings of the different character structures, the feelings associated with them, their beginnings and their effects on self and others in the form of communication, transferences and counter-transferences, i.e. a deep approach to enhanced Emotional Intelligence and the level of exchange it can elicit.

My son, Christian was born in 1984, in Holland, where I was living.

I was longing to work with people, to teach, to raise consciousness, so I did my certifications as a Coach and ELI-MP through iPEC Coaching, where all the values of my earlier training and exciting new ways of looking at the work became alive again. I signed up right away.

So now, the Core Energy Coaching Process from iPEC Coaching and the experience I gained from my studies and work in Core Energetics, meet, as one.

This is my commitment to be of service to others; I am excited, a child in awe, to see others rise and grow…to contribute to the healing process of others. I

I am planning an online women’s group where survivors can grow together, and I look so forward to reignite this process.

I also am singing and preparing my CDs for distribution. The End/The Beginning

Learn more at http://quantumtransitions.com/