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Last week, I asked if we are people of
Faith or Fraud.
I asked the question and gave only a
brief response as to what I was doing about it personally. Today, I want to give
more detail how we, those who call ourselves people of faith, can do something
in our own faith communities to keep our children safer and better recognize
predatory behavior.
Anyone who
follows the news or hasn’t been living under a rock, knows the names of
infamous child sexual abusers Larry Nassar at Michigan State and Jerry Sandusky
at Penn State. What many don’t know is they
were both heavily involved in their church. Child sexual abusers are common
in all institutions with children, and churches are no exception. We want to
believe churches are different yet sadly this is not the case.
All these
predators sexually abused children. All did so under the seemingly safe
environments of a church or school. All were reported to people within their
respective church or schools. And all of
the organizations who are responsible for the protection of these children failed them. We must learn from these
failures and bring substantive reform to these institutions of faith.
As I mentioned last week, in addition
to my duties for Together We Heal, I started working with GRACE (Godly Response
to Abuse in the Christian Environment). GRACE does independent investigations
of sexual abuse within faith-based organizations. In the last few years they
developed a Child Safeguarding Certification for churches.
As a survivor of sexual abuse by a
member of the clergy, this is especially important to me. I have been grateful
and honored to be a part of this program with GRACE since its inception, roll out of the pilot program, and implementation in churches across the USA.
While there are a few "child
safe/ministry safe" online programs offered by several companies, usually at
the behest of each church’s insurance company, they are most often done, not
with child safety in mind, but to "cover their asses" if a lawsuit were brought
against them. It allows a church to say in court, "See, we were doing all that
was required
to keep children safe."
The VAST MAJORITY of these online
program have NO TEETH.
They are simple, multiple-choice tests
that any primate with a keyboard could pass. As can any sexual predator within
your church. And since it’s done online, there’s no way to actually prove who really
took the test. Is that truly the "best" your church can do?
The difference in what we do at GRACE
is this:
We have a ½-day leadership session in-person/on-site and a ½-day session
open to the entire membership, also in-person/on-site.
Before either of these we help the church develop its own child safeguarding
policy that’s tailored specifically to the needs of each church. Many hours of
reading materials and videos to watch take place even before that.
It's detailed, faith-based, and comprehensive.
And as a survivor, I can say with complete confidence, that it actually gives a
church the material needed to TRULY keep children safer. (Don’t let anyone fool you into believing there’s such a
thing as a totally safe place). It’s
what I wished my family and church had known 40 years ago. It arms parents and
leaders with REAL, ACTIONABLE material to proactively, better protect children.
During these sessions, we give parents
and leaders the opportunity to ask ANY question they want. They can ask the
tough questions and we give honest, frank answers. There’s no candy-coating or
white-washing.
We teach about sexual abuse, the
impact of abuse, offenders within the church, and how to minimize opportunities
for abuse. We instruct the proper way for a church to respond to abuse, both
legally and morally. We give churches the materials to teach safety awareness
for children and youth. We do a property walk-through to explain the places a
predator can use. We help them establish community resources.
My colleague and friend, Boz
Tchividjian, gave me this incredibly insightful example that I now use every
time I speak:
Since
approximately 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused as children,
this means that our churches are filled with abuse survivors. For example, a
church of 200 members (100 women and 100 men) will have at least 41 child
sexual abuse survivors...20.5%!
Yet, sexual abuse is still too seldom talked about inside our churches.
How would
your church respond if?
20.5% of the
congregation had cancer; or
20.5% of the
congregation had lost a child; or
20.5% of the
congregation lost their homes in a
natural disaster?
Is it safe
to predict that addressing this issue would become a primary focus of the
church ministry? Is it safe to predict that pastors would preach sermons
addressing the spiritual issues associated with trauma? Is it safe to predict
that church members would expend themselves in love and service to those
experiencing such deep hurt? Is it safe to predict that the church would not
respond to this criminal offense in silence?
As a faith
community, we must learn to approach the
horror of child sexual abuse no differently. Perhaps these statistics can
help drive our faith communities to become places of refuge and healing for
abuse survivors who are silently suffering all around us.
When it’s all said and done, it’s up
to you. You can choose to use the resources of GRACE or an organization like
them, or you can choose to keep things the same believing that this doesn’t
happen where you live. As someone once said, "If you choose not to decide you
still have made a choice."
Your children, grandchildren, those
you know and anyone within your social circle will either reap the benefit of
knowledge or suffer the consequences.
So, I’ll ask the question again…
Are you a person of faith or fraud?
What are you prepared to do?
Read Part 3: Hope Is a 4-Letter Word
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David is the Executive Director of Together We Heal. Its purpose is to provide guidance for those who suffer from the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. It works to educate through public speaking, collaborates with other groups to raise awareness and expose sexual predators and their methods.
In 2015, David was asked by Boz Tchividjian, founder of GRACE (Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment) to become part of their Child Safeguarding Certification team. The mission of GRACE is to empower the Christian community through education and training to recognize, prevent, and respond to child abuse.
David represents TWH & GRACE all across the country as a public speaker and instructor, teaching churches, schools and families how to talk with their kids about sexual abuse, how to better identify predatory behavior and sexual predators grooming methods.
For more information on GRACE Child Safeguarding Certification please email certification@netgrace.org
Or you may email me at dpittman@together-we-heal.org if you’d feel more comfortable.
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