A Beyond Survivor Tells Her Story!

Having now worked as a Sexual Abuse Recovery Coach since 2007, I can say that I have one of the coolest jobs ever. Not only do I get to spend my days walking alongside amazing men and women, assisting them in their journey of recovery, but I know without a doubt that my Beyond Survivors are a very special tribe of people. They are generous, loving, world-changers, fun, and brave.

So, it's with great honor that I get to introduce you today to Melissa, who became a Beyond Survivor in 2013. She shares with you a bit about her journey and what she gained from our time working together.

"I was stuck and I felt broken. Now I feel free! Rachel helped me realize that trauma is not a competition ... she reminded me of all there is to gain in life once recovered."

Are you ready to turn things around for 2015? You can learn more about my Beyond Surviving program here, but more importantly, leave a comment for Melissa letting her know what you got from her story.

Wishing You a Happy Holiday and New Year!

Hello my lovely community of family, friends, colleagues, and clients (wow, that’s a mouthful)!

As 2014 is coming to an end, I’d like to share a little bit about what’s happened for me this year and also share a bit of what I’m envisioning for 2015!

I’m more committed than ever to working with survivors who are sick and tired of feeling broken and unfixable and who are ready to let go of the pain of abuse and finally feel normal. If I can be of help to you or anyone you know, the best first step is my Discover Your Genuine Self session.

It’s hard to believe that one year ago I was let go from a part-time job and it was in that moment that I decided, “Now’s the time to give my all to coaching!” I was certainly scared and wondering if I could really make a go of coaching full-time, but I’m happy to say that this past year has been amazing and wonderful – I couldn’t be happier!

Following are some of the amazing things that I achieved in 2014 with all of my new “free time”:

• Over 50 people have completed the Beyond Surviving Program this year and are now doing amazing things like starting new businesses, getting engaged, having great sex, traveling, speaking out about healing, and feeling more confident, powerful, and whole.
• I launched a podcast AND radio show!!
• I did 11 trainings with non-profits in the Bay Area -- such a great opportunity to connect with other providers and share with them what I’ve learned about working with survivors.
• I did my first professional video shoot.
• I delivered many teleseminars and got to collaborate with some amazing folks like David Pittman, Ryan West, Xanet Pailet, Ben Rode, Jori Nunes, Kristen Kancler, Natalie Foresythe and many more. 
• I sold another 150 copies of my guidebook.
• I delivered the first ever Beyond Surviving Workshop for survivors and launched the inaugural Beyond Surviving Virtual Group program.

As for my personal life, I fell in love with yoga, fell back in love with camping, fell in love with a wonderful man, accepted my love of reality TV…finally (Hell’s Kitchen, Project Runway, The Voice!), and spent much of my time with friends and family. In other words – I experienced lots of love this year!

Looking to 2015, I am super stoked! Here’s what I’ve got in mind for the New Year:

• Beyond Surviving Virtual groups: one for men and one for women;
• Developing a new self-led program with audio trainings to accompany the guidebook;
• Developing teleseminars to address important areas of recovery like trusting, experiencing anger, ending self-harm, fighting triggers, and facing fears (Have any suggestions for others? I’d love to hear from you!);
• … and even more!

Most importantly, I want you to know that I couldn't have done any of it without your amazing and ongoing support. I’m in an incredible community and hope that you have been touched, inspired, and healed by something we shared this year.

So, with deep gratitude, my wish for you is that your holiday and 2015 are filled with joy, love, laughter, and strength.

With much love,

 

100 miles + 70mph + Amazing People + Protecting Children = 1 Fabulous Day!

I had the great pleasure recently of riding with the Silicon Valley & Santa Cruz chapters of Bikers Against Child Abuse for their annual 100 Mile Ride to raise awareness and money for the organization.

It was a beautiful day and I'm honored to be amongst these men and women who are giving their time, energy, and talents to make sure that children feel safe, empowered, and able to heal.

Check out the ride and what BACA members have to say about why they are a part of the organization!

Learn more about how you can get involved or donate!


With love and gratitude,

Rachel 

Coming Out of the Closet

When I saw this video, I just knew I had to share it with you all. The amazing Ash Beckham talks about the "closets" we hide out in -- which she breaks down as the hard conversations we avoid.

As survivors of abuse, we hide. We hold back. We struggle to express ourselves, to ask for what we need -- particularly because we perceive a threat and so shut down, resulting in dire consequences for our body on emotional, neurological, and biological levels.

Take it from Ash -- "hard is hard" -- we all have things we have to say that are difficult. I love that she and I share a particular perspective that our hurts are not comparable or quantifiable. Every hurt matters to the same degree.

My favorite part is when she shares some great tips for how we can have those hard conversations that everything in us wants to avoid but that will bring the most reward at the end of the day. She calls it:

3 Pancake Girl Principles

#1 Be authentic, be real

#2 Be direct, just say it, rip the band-aid off -- don't be vague

#3 Be unapologetic about who you are -- never apologize for speaking your truth

So, I welcome you to be authentic here, be real, say it straight, and be unapologetic.

What's the hard thing you need to say?

How to Cope with Eating Through the Holidays-Part 3

This week, we wrap up our series with the wonderful Kristen Kancler in which she shares with us how love, safety, and belonging are key to making the changes we want to make.

Also be sure to check out her free gift, “6 Simple Recipes to Satisfy Your Sweet Tooth – Without Sugar!”

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Self-Sabotage

During the 20 years that I struggled with emotional and compulsive eating, there were a lot of ups and down.

Mostly downs, with some fleeting ups interspersed. It really is a difficult place to be. There’s so much involved: how you feel in your body, how you feel about yourself, how you hold yourself back from what you really want.

Through it all, there was one thing that frustrated me more than anything else:

That even though I knew what to do, I still wasn’t doing it.

Why do we do that? Why do we stop ourselves from having what we really want? Why don’t we just get out of our own way and allow ourselves to have what we know is possible for us?

I shared some essential points for transforming your relationship with food and your body in my first two posts. In the first post, I shared that what you eat matters, and that bringing your body into balance is one of the most important things you can do to free yourself from the struggle. In the second post, I spoke to the huge emotional/psychological component that is underneath your cravings and gave you a tool to use to help you through those trigger moments.

There are hundreds of methodologies and tools and practices that will help you lessen, or even disappear the struggle and find peace with food. Maybe you know of some. Maybe you’ve tried them. Maybe you’ve found a level of success or maybe you’ve failed miserably.

But it doesn’t matter how powerful and healing the solution is if you’re not actually able to do it.

Even if you know exactly what to do, and you have it all laid out for you, it’s possible that you still won’t do it. In fact, you’re likely going to have noble intentions… and end up making the same old choices.

Self-sabotage strikes again.

And there is a reason for that. You see, there’s your conscious mind, that has a goal and sees the path and has it all planned out – eat whole foods, balance your blood sugar, feel your emotions when they come up, use the SAFE method when you’re triggered.

You’ve got your plan, you’re inspired to put it into action, and then all these other things start getting in the way – i.e. “life” starts happening.

All sorts of reasons and excuses start to come up: “I’m too tired,” “I’m too busy, I just don’t have the time,” “I’ll start tomorrow,” “I totally forgot!”

And you get frustrated and upset because you should be able to do it. You have a plan, you’re a smart, dedicated woman who’s deeply committed to being healthy!

But there’s also your subconscious mind. As much as your conscious mind likes to think that it’s in charge, your subconscious mind is actually running 95% of the show. And your subconscious mind sees change as a threat.

So no matter how amazing your plan is, you won’t be able to follow it unless you address the underlying reason you’re staying stuck.

Each of us has unique programming that was formed when you were young, that tells you when it’s okay to go forward, and when it’s not.

And it all comes back to your three basic human needs: Love, Safety, Belonging. In other words, you have beliefs around what you need to be, do, or have in order to feel like you are loved, safe, and like you belong.

And these beliefs have gotten you to where you are now. Your current way of being is keeping you safe in your belief system.

And as you reach for what you want (whether that’s eating better, exercising more, taking time for yourself, or losing weight)… these things are somehow, in some way, outside of your current belief system for love, safety, and belonging. And so your beliefs start pulling you back to what is safe and familiar.

I want you to really get this.

Your current default eating habits exist for a reason. You created yourself and your situation perfectly, based on what you believe for yourself in order to have love, safety, and belonging in tact.

And doing anything differently that might give you a different way of being, is not aligned with keeping love, safety, and belonging in tact.

Your programming and subconscious beliefs about what you need to do, be, or have to keep the feelings of love, safety, and belonging in tact are taking over!

One of my clients came to me saying that one of the things that she wanted was to lose weight and shine her light. But as we worked together, we uncovered an underlying fear that if she loses weight and shines her light, well, shining her light will attract attention. She’ll start getting noticed by men and because of a very traumatic incident in her past, getting that attention feels incredibly unsafe for her.

It lived for her like a dangerous inner conflict on a subconscious level. She wasn’t even aware that this was happening, but the underlying belief was, “If I lose weight, I won’t be safe.”

Until she was able to feel safe, at a subconscious level, she just wasn’t going to be able to make the changes in her life that she knew she had to make. And she wasn’t going to release the weight!

So if you don’t shift your beliefs, then your subconscious mind will find creative ways to stop you from losing weight.

And that can look like a binge, that can look like living out your same patterns, and that can look like, “I’m too tired,” “I’m too busy, I just don’t have the time,” “I’ll start tomorrow,” “I totally forgot!”

Sound familiar?

In order to change your habits and your relationship with food, you have to shift your beliefs around love, safety, and belonging, so that they align with what you want. So they don’t hold you back.

Basically, your subconscious mind has to be on board.

So you can stop beating yourself up for not being able to follow through on what you know to it. It’s not your fault! Your subconscious mind is just trying to keep you safe.

If you want to learn more, I’ll be sharing how you can get your subconscious mind on board and move powerfully toward freedom on Rachel’s upcoming radio show (December 9th at 6pm PST ) about 4 Simple Ways to End Emotional Eating and Enjoy the Holidays Without Sacrificing Your Waistline!
 
Mark your calendars and tune in here on December 9th at 6pm PST!


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Kristen Anne Kancler is an Emotional Eating Expert and the founder of “Your Delicious Life,” a one-on-one program for women who daydream about how fabulous they’ll feel once they get their eating under control but end up on the couch with a pint of ice cream.

By getting to the root of what creates your sabotaging patterns, she works with you, personally, to help you put down the spoon… wave goodbye to “I’ll be better tomorrow”… and say, “YES!” to a delicious life – today.

Former Health and Wellness Editor for Glam Media, graduate of UC Santa Barbara and the Natural Gourmet Institute for Health in Manhattan, and reformed pastry chef, Kristen is a role model for healthy eating and living a delicious lifestyle.

After struggling with diets, compulsive eating, and sugar addiction for 20 years, she finally found the answers she needed to find peace with food, feel healthy in her body, and fall deeply and sweetly in love with her life.