Hi all,
Here's is the conclusion to J. Eve's amazing and inspiring story!
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The
new-found independence I experienced in college and the support of a mature,
sensitive, patient, loving partner helped me erase the messages I’d
internalized from my family. I was beautiful and resilient and could be proud
of my strength. I deserved to have meaningful sex. I was sick of feeling
invisible to my family and ready to feel independent and strong. I was an
activist at heart who’d always been committed to helping people.
I
realized I could do something positive with this awful part of my past, and I
didn’t need approval from my family, though I would still struggle to get it
for years to come. As scary as it was to be vulnerable in front of strangers,
classmates, and new friends, it felt right to talk about it. With mic in hand,
I participated in “Take Back the Night,” an event uniting the campus to raise
awareness about sexual violence. The people attending these events wanted to
hear my story, in contrast to my family who’d never even asked for any details.
As I experienced my first round of applause and received my first emails
detailing how my story moved someone, I felt proud. No longer did the abuse
have to be a source of shame, guilt, and sadness.
I
learned how widespread sexual violence is—it is one of the most under-reported
crimes because of the complex pressures from families, communities, and
perpetrators to stay silent. This confirmed my belief that breaking the silence
would inspire other survivors to come forward. In speaking out, I became part
of a community of survivors. I was no longer isolated by my family. I had found
an outlet to channel my mixed emotions about reconciling with my abuser and
remaining a part of my unsupportive family.
As
I embraced my new identity as an outspoken leader on my college campus, the
pain of my family’s abandonment had less power over me. My mentors, professors,
and friends made up my created family, and they couldn’t have been more proud
of how I was thriving.
I
continue to seek new forums to share my story so that I can make sexual violence
less of a taboo. This issue is rampant, plaguing young girls and women all
around the world. I became a speaker for the Rape, Abuse, Incest National
Network and am working on a book to let every survivor know she is not alone.
It
is my hope that one day my family will learn how to be there for me, but my
testament proves that it is possible to survive and thrive without them. I want
to use my experiences to teach others how best to support someone who has been
through trauma. The details of my story may be unique, but the patterns of
being silenced and isolated are universal.
I
will no longer be silenced by my family’s fear of the repercussions. Silence
perpetuates suffering. Silence was in the room as I was molested, during the
months when my innocence was taken from me. Silence was in my house as I
suffered alone, feeling guilty, responsible, and confused. Silence was forced
upon me so that my family’s lives would not be impacted by the past. Silence
has stolen the voices of women all around the world as they suffer alone
because so few people can safely and confidently come forward.
Someday
my family might recognize the strength and courage I possess. If not, I will
surround myself with those who admire my integrity, values, and my healing.
Those are the people who matter the most. I’m confident that in time the abuse
won’t feel like the center of my world—it will fuel my passion but won’t hold
me back. I won’t ever stop telling my story. My commitment to prevent child
abuse and advocate for those abused will be a part of me forever—a part of me I
love.
---
J.
Eve is 23 years old and graduated from Trinity College in 2011 with a degree in
Human Rights. She wants to move to Colorado from the East Coast to enjoy the
sun, mountains, and community. Her career ambitions include advocating for abused
women, criminal justice, youth leadership and development, and sex education.
She loves learning to cook, meeting inspiring people, and spending time with
her partner and friends. During challenging times she looks to Gloria Steinem,
Eve Ensler and Oprah Winfrey for strength and plans to follow in their
footsteps as courageous, fierce feminists!
Learn more about Speaking Your Truth: Courageous Stories from Inspiring Women:
In 2010, Lisa Shultz and Andrea Costantine published the
anthology, Speaking Your Truth: Courageous Stories from
Inspiring Women. Their goal with this
book and its subsequent volumes and spin offs is to provide a beacon of light,
hope, and connection for women as they navigate their lives while overcoming
challenges and difficulties along the way. They had 49 contributing authors in
Volume One who shared their stories of family matters, love and abuse, faith
and spirituality, health and healing, and finding their path."
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