- Does not mean what the person did was okay
- Does not mean the person has permission to hurt you again
- Does not mean the offense was not great
- Does not depend on the person saying s/he is sorry
- Does not mean that the offense was not deliberate or repeated
“... many of us mistakenly believe that unforgiveness will somehow hurt those who hurt us. By refusing to offer forgiveness, we hope to ‘get even’ with them. But the opposite is true. Abusers [people who hurt us], unforgiven, go right on doing what they do. They never considered us in the first place, and our unforgiveness has absolutely no [effect] on their behavior.”
- We cannot genuinely forgive until you acknowledge the full scope and impact of the offense.
- We cannot forgive and deny the offense at the same time.
- We cannot forgive someone else for an offense and carry responsibility for that same offense yourself.
- We cannot carry shame for an offense yourself and at the same time forgive someone else for it.
P.S. It is hard to believe, but after a few years pondering, many months writing, more months editing (and editing, and editing), Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage of Recovery from Sexual Abuse has reached its final stage - this guidebook needs a cover folks! Who better to help me choose than you?! Click here to take a brief survey and cast your vote!