Removing Your Ghost and Becoming Larger than Life!

This week, Karl Kaputski concludes his series by sharing how he learned to take charge of his life and how you can too!

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Last week we talked about the pain, feeling victimized, being insecure and the endless cycle of depression that abuse sets upon an individual. In that same article we discussed the addictions that occur frequently based on our desire to avoid pain. Now it's time to reach out and find solutions to get you back to fulfilling your life purpose. I must emphasis, I have never professed to be a doctor or anyone in the medical or counseling profession in real life or even on television. What I am about to say or suggest are ways that I have fought through some of these life problems and what I have personally witnessed in others who have applied these same techniques. Your results will always be based on how much you want it to happen.

Addictions come in many forms. We think of the common ones most of the time, smoking, alcohol, drugs and pornography to name a few. Since they are in the limelight most of the time our awareness is greater. Most of us try to avoid those addictions as much as possible because we see the damage it does. However, these are still predominant in society today. I believe it's those hidden addictions that society doesn't talk about much that causes tremendous amounts of damage to ourselves and others. For example: abuses of any kind, bullying, greed, rudeness are some very powerful ones. To the one doing the act, it's a feeling of power, control or even selfishness. Whatever it is, it is giving that person pleasure. For the victim, the way they act, think or feel because of the act against them is going to be one to avoid pain. 

So the first thing you must start to do is to control your thoughts. This is an exercise of staying focused for just a short twenty one day period. Be aware of what your desired outcome should be. Observe where you are, what you are doing and what you want to happen. Breaking any kind of addiction is an emotional struggle. I worked in the investment industry for many years. Most people I saw that lost money, lost it due to emotional decisions and not logic. They sold off due to political or social events. They went out of the market because the stock index's were going down, got in the market because it was soaring, reacted to rumors or even if their football team won or lost that week. Decisions were not made due to the facts and logic, just emotions. So basically, your thought process should be that now you are totally free from being addicted, to being a victim of abuse, or an injustice for example. So to summarize the most obvious thing you should do during these 21 days is to not do whatever you use to be addicted to. 

The second thing is the emotional or situational addiction that you have to overcome. Stay away from the places, events or people that you have an emotional connection to that old habit. If you have friends that always want to talk about the negative or bring out a certain mindset in you that throws you into a funk or places and situations that get you craving for those things, stay away. Those physical reactions will go away after three days usually. Remember one day at a time. Just think of this period as something you're doing just to cleanse your body and soul.  And that you will be back at it after those twenty one days. You will find out after a few days go by how much better you are going to feel. The feeling of achieving your goal will start to overpower your feeling of that addiction. One thing that helps is to replace the old habit with something similar, only positive. You're tricking your brain and giving yourself something else to do.

The most important aspect of breaking any addiction is that you don't want to do it anymore. You should get to the point that you can go anywhere and do anything and not have the thought or desire to do what you use to want to do.

You have control over everything you do. Write down your desired result.

Associate a strong emotion to your desired result.

Create your plan and take action:  

A) Evaluate your relationships.

B) Remove negative relationships.

C) Grow your good relationships.

Spend ten minutes each day thinking about the people in your life. What do you like about them? Do you have those qualities in your life? Create your vision of who you want to be and what you want in your life. Change is ready to happen. You are made for more! It's your time!

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Best I can tell I would classify myself as an entrepreneur. A seven times business owner, #1 best selling author, international keynote speaker and by the way, and injustice survivor. Working as a peak performance consultant in many different aspects in the business and personal world for 30 plus years, I have had the experience to delve into 54 different industries with individuals in all sorts of professions to help create within them a peak performance culture. 

Did you know that you can create predictable and profitable results in all five facets of your life? It's all about your emotional, mental, physical, financial and spiritual well being that are intertwined and affect how happy and successful you are going to be.

https://www.success1concepts.com/

Super Hero Secrets for Your Business: How to Unlock the Secrets to Boosting Your Earnings 20% to 200% in 12 months. Work Less, Less Stress. Greater Freedom

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOW ENROLLING...

BEYOND SURVIVING GROUP PROGRAM FOR MEN

STARTS APRIL 9th

Go here to learn more and apply today!

My Beyond Surviving Program is my in-depth program of live coaching calls and support that teach you how to finally be free of the past and move on with your life. 

It's for you if you want step-by-step support to reliably and consistently navigate life with clarity and ease. 

This program is designed for all types of survivors who are sick and tired of going around the same mountain over and over again and who want to learn specific tools and skills for transforming their lives. 

In the Beyond Surviving program, I've combined what I have learned through my own journey of recovery from sexual abuse, my study of neuroscience, my training in counseling psychology, and my experience working with hundreds of clients. I have included every lesson, exercise, worksheet, client example, and training module that has made a difference for me and my clients into this program. 

We use my guidebook, Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse, as the roadmap through seven modules that address the critical areas of life that are impacted by abuse. 

Tear Down Those Addictions, There's a Great Life to Live!

This week, Karl Kaputski shares how he learned to play big and overcome the pain of trauma and the resulting addictions.

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You're addicted! Yes, you! How many of you would look me in the eye and say no way. You are insane! And then the next thing I tell you is that you've been fed a big lie that that addiction will always stay hiding in you ready to spring out at anytime. I know this comes across as harsh to some. However, I speak from my heart. I am living proof. I walk the talk. I have been where you are today. The struggles of feeling pain, feeling victimized, being insecure and not knowing how to get out of that endless cycle of depression and failure, is something that will end today.

Although there are approximately 46 destructive addictions that are sitting time bombs out there today, the ones I am focusing on in this article have to do with the symptoms of being a sexual abuse and injustice survivor. How do we get past these horrific experiences and live a happy productive life? I considered in the past my actions, thoughts and behavior, addictions to the way I wanted to feel. I kept doing certain things the same way because I knew the predictable results would occur. Those results could be destructive long term but for the moment they would feel so right. If you could somehow imagine an alcoholic or drug addict, for example. Both of them need a certain fix to make them feel good for the moment. However, the destruction that follows physically, emotionally, mentally can be severe. A smart phone can turn into another addiction you might be able to relate to. How many people cannot go anywhere without it. People, especially children, on average spend more than 9 hours a day online. It's all based on the stimulation that they are receiving from it. When we get overstimulated our brains produce a chemical in our brain called dopamine. It's a chemical that carries information between neurons. It enables us not only to see rewards but to take action to move toward them. Basically a feel good sensation. Just like any addiction, the more you do it, the greater the desire for more to get that same high, feeling or sensation. So in essence, pertaining to the struggles that a sexual abuse, injustice survivor suffers through, our reactions to that tragic event are ones of addictions that create a feel good sensation for the moment. Destructive to all in the long term but a quick fix in the short. Initially, we all go through the shock of the event and want to relive it over and over. Yet, soon enough we find out we want to move past it as soon as possible. It's the moment of feeling sorry for ourselves, the thoughts that we can't move on, the insecurity we feel, that give us those moments of that feel good inside of our brains. Which, I know sounds crazy ! Stimulation can be good or bad. It's understanding how our brains work that becomes one of the first steps in healing. We become aware of what is taking place and why we act a certain way. Did you know the human attention span 15 years ago was 12 seconds. Now it's down to 8 seconds. A gold fish's attention is 9. Amazingly ridiculous! As download speeds have increased on how we receive information over the internet, the lower our patience has become in everything. Anxiety levels increase quicker. Stress takes hold and poor decisions become the norm because of the fog in our brains.

So now I might be flooding your brain with too much information on why you feel a certain way and why suffering is so longing and painful. We choose it because it's less work then beating the problem itself. I've lived it just like most of you out there. I have witnessed others that have overcome similar stories like you and I. Success is out there waiting for you.

I am not going to beat around the bush on this problem any longer. You might not like it but here goes. You can change your life in less than thirty days forever. I did! In fact, twenty one to be precise. You can take those negative addictions...and change them to positive actions (addictions) in days, not years.

We all know the shortest distance from point A to point B is a straight line. We all know our attention span is very short also. And I believe we would all rather spend as little amount of time as possible solving a problem rather than that slow burdensome process we put ourselves through because everybody tells us it's going to take time. That is such a lie! Who wants to torture themselves that long! Where did that lie get started from? Was it the turtle who ran the race against the rabbit? I got news for you. No matter how many times the turtle races the rabbit, it is going to lose. Fact of life! Slow and steady will not win the race. Speed does! Maybe you have been surrounded all your life with turtles telling you be patient, take it easy, time will make you feel better. Guess what? You are the only one that can make you feel better. You are made for so much more! There is only so much time in your life. Every second you are not being happy means you are not fulfilling what you were put on this earth to be, the very best version of what you can be.

We are designed to run our lives in sprints. About ninety days to be precise. After that we tend to want to move on to something else. It's just the way human nature is built. We are made to win. I say it again....You are made for more! Imagine if you had the power to accelerate your success. Imagine if you had the tools to make your dreams reality. Imagine what it would be like to smile, laugh, have total control over your emotions, relationships, your future? If you believe that slow and steady wins the race..you've been told a lie! It's time to break the addiction!

If you were my student, the first thing I would do is to teach. You were probably always taught to set realistic goals. What a bunch of garbage! It must have been a turtle who said that! Who cares about doing something normal. I succeeded in life because I set unrealistic goals, convince myself that I could achieve them and then did it. You can too! As you sit in class gathering up all that is being taught, I will ask you if you understand. . You lie to me and say yes. How can you yet...you haven't walk the talk.

The next thing I would do is demonstrate. We would go over a walk through of how we do things....like a watch and learn. You would tell me again you understand...another lie!

It's now your turn to do! You start the process, you stumble, get back up, try again. You have no idea what you're doing. You have been lying to yourself but you have hope. Every time you try, you do one thing better than the previous time. At this point you realize you really didn't understand what you were doing. But in a short period of time, things start to get easier for you and you somehow shock yourself and accomplish the things that prior you would have thought was impossible. And in three weeks!

The only difference between you and every one else who has gotten frustrated in the past and given up...You understand that you had to become successful. You understand your weaknesses and put systems into place. You have learned how to be focused on one thing for the next 21 days.

The formula to overcoming any addiction you are suffering from has certain principles that you will learn to understand. I want to leave you with some thoughts that have been invaluable to me and I believe will help you take the next step toward your recovery.

When it comes to accomplishing your dream, you don't have to do it all at once. Do what you can today and forget tomorrow. Tomorrow will worry about itself.

The thing that you thought was hard eventually becomes easy on the other side of implementation.

Once you decide to stick with something, the results will show up.You just need to hang around long enough to get them.

I believe in each and everyone of you. I suffered just like you but no more. There is something great inside of you. I know it. You need to start believing it too! Your dream is right around the corner. get ready...here it comes!

Until next time!

Karl

Stay tuned next time for the 21 day process that changed my life. Learn about the 1-3 day challenge, 4-7 urge, 8 day pendulum turn and day 14 momentum finish.



Read Part 4: Removing Your Ghost and Becoming Larger than Life!

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Best I can tell I would classify myself as an entrepreneur. A seven times business owner, #1 best selling author, international keynote speaker and by the way, and injustice survivor. Working as a peak performance consultant in many different aspects in the business and personal world for 30 plus years, I have had the experience to delve into 54 different industries with individuals in all sorts of professions to help create within them a peak performance culture. 

Did you know that you can create predictable and profitable results in all five facets of your life? It's all about your emotional, mental, physical, financial and spiritual well being that are intertwined and affect how happy and successful you are going to be.

https://www.success1concepts.com/

Super Hero Secrets for Your Business: How to Unlock the Secrets to Boosting Your Earnings 20% to 200% in 12 months. Work Less, Less Stress. Greater Freedom

How to Start Your Day with What Really Matters

This week, Karl Kaputski shares how he starts each day to set himself up for success while also asking some though provoking questions to help you begin to connect to the decisions you are making and the impact they have day to day.

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Destruction comes at us through many ways in life. It could be death, abuse, divorce, mental illness or health to name a few. How we cope with each particular one always depends on the individual themselves. So how does an injustice survivor cope with sexual abuse and/or incarceration? Through my own personal experiences and spending countless hours listening to the stories of others, I come to the realization that understanding the source of the problem effectively begins the healing process to move forward to having a productive, prosperous life. I am specifically talking about moving ourselves from the victim just survival cycle that we have been in for days, months, years, to a place in the present that allows us to change our focus to now reclaim the dreams that we once had.

Imagine an outsider is looking at your life. They are watching you do what you do. What would they say? How many of you believe you have a life bigger inside you?

How many of you believe that you have a way within you that only shows up once in a while?

Why? Do things get in the way?

How many of you have had a challenge to do something?

What was the original reason for getting started?

Was the original reason to get started something to just get by until you feel better? So a month, year, five years, ten years go by and you're at a new level in your life but you're still in your survival mode. Because your pattern is to survive, forget the pain...whenever it gets tough or you don't get what you want, you fall back into that just surviving cycle.

These are all questions I've asked myself over the years. And as you think about these questions and start putting your answers together, just like me, you will start to figure out who you were, who you are today and who you want to be in the future. Here is the kicker to all of this. As I have found out through my own experiences, if someone says they can help you...you avoid them because if you actually stepped up and did the things that you needed to do, you would stop surviving and you wouldn't know who you are! 

Yes, I would fall back into my comfort zone of just surviving than face the experience of confronting change. This would be like walking into a dark room without any lights on and instead of stumbling a little until my eyes adjusted to turn on the light, I would rather back out and sit outside until the light went on and I felt safe.

To say the least, I was not living the plan I wanted for myself. I had allowed someone else through their actions to dictate my emotions, thoughts and actions that were detrimental to my success. Forever, I thought, unless I changed my belief system I would never have the freedom to live life the way it is meant to be. 

Another symptom that takes place with survivors including myself is anger. It's almost like it becomes an addiction. Feeling angry fuels a feel good moment inside. The more angry we get the more we feel justify to keeping fueling it. Just like a fire, it starts to get larger and larger. Soon your emotional, mental and physical facets get out of whack and it becomes difficult to function on a daily basis. 

Compare it to an alcoholic, drug user or even a pornography viewer. At first, you use it a little. It makes you feel good. It takes the edge off. After awhile, you realize it takes a bit more to get that same feeling. It begins to accelerate that need to get more to feel good. Soon enough it gets out of control and starts affecting your life and the people around you. Being addicted to something destructive means you are walking around with chains on you. There is no freedom. The moment I realized that by having that anger I had no freedom, I knew change had to happen. This is what anger to me is and I know that if you apply these thoughts to your life, you will change too!

Anger is punishment I give myself for someone else's mistakes. Go ahead and repeat it back to yourself. By me memorizing these few words and understanding it's powerful message, I have changed my life and have started living the dream I first started with. Maybe you can too!

It's also about looking at things in a radically different angle. It is having a desire to be not where you currently are. I was ready. Are you? How many of you are ready to make decisions based on what you are capable of doing and not where you are today?

For my own personal life, I use a martini glass illustration. Now, I don't even like martinis and hardly ever partake in drinking, it's the shape of the glass and what it represents that means so much to me. As I was onstage years ago giving a presentation on peak performance, I noticed in the audience at their tables, that there were quite a few martini and wine drinkers. I began to watch how during each sip their eyes would light up and how they got that blissful feeling in their demeanor. Wow, I thought. If I could only capture that feeling my audience is having with those drinks, I could bottle it and change lives immediately! 

After some fun with those participants that day I realized that finding the passion and enjoyment a person has with something can effectively be used in changing their disposition on all other things in life. That martini glass is filled up top to bottom this way for me. 

God is on top. That is the place that has the greatest surface and volume. It's the first sip and always the best tasting every time. 

Family is second. It touches me internally and fills me with joy, responsibility and friendship. 

Health is third. Taking care of myself means being able to live a fulfilling life and to be able to help and serve others. 

Cash is fourth. Having the means to provide and help others. 

Fifth are skills. The importance of what I take in everyday is my addiction. 

If for some reason I don't finish my glass everyday, I know personally, that I have always taken in the best tasting and the most energizing portions to carry on my day first. Your martini glass might be filled differently than mine and that's ok. Just start filling your glass in order of importance pertaining to your life and start waking up everyday taking those first few sips of what really matters in life.
It all comes down to the one thing in life. The ability to influence yourself by making a decision. Ask yourself this...How do you want to be known? It's not what you do...it's who you are! We are all prisoners of our unconsciousness. we all live inside these. We are all caught in success traps and unsuccess traps or a variety of them. These loops are happening everyday. The final question I always ask myself is: If I was sitting down with myself five years from now, are the decisions that I am making now the best possible actions I could be taking? My answer and yours can sometimes be very surprising. Try it!

Karl



Note: In my next blog I will share with you how to change anything that you might feel addicted to in your life. I used these methods to change me. I know they can help you.

Read Part 3: Tear Down Those Addictions, There's a Great Life to Live!

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Best I can tell I would classify myself as an entrepreneur. A seven times business owner, #1 best selling author, international keynote speaker and by the way, and injustice survivor. Working as a peak performance consultant in many different aspects in the business and personal world for 30 plus years, I have had the experience to delve into 54 different industries with individuals in all sorts of professions to help create within them a peak performance culture. 

Did you know that you can create predictable and profitable results in all five facets of your life? It's all about your emotional, mental, physical, financial and spiritual well being that are intertwined and affect how happy and successful you are going to be.

https://www.success1concepts.com/

Super Hero Secrets for Your Business: How to Unlock the Secrets to Boosting Your Earnings 20% to 200% in 12 months. Work Less, Less Stress. Greater Freedom

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOW ENROLLING...

BEYOND SURVIVING GROUP PROGRAM FOR MEN

STARTS APRIL 9th

Go here to learn more and apply today!

My Beyond Surviving Program is my in-depth program of live coaching calls and support that teach you how to finally be free of the past and move on with your life. 

It's for you if you want step-by-step support to reliably and consistently navigate life with clarity and ease. 

This program is designed for all types of survivors who are sick and tired of going around the same mountain over and over again and who want to learn specific tools and skills for transforming their lives. 

In the Beyond Surviving program, I've combined what I have learned through my own journey of recovery from sexual abuse, my study of neuroscience, my training in counseling psychology, and my experience working with hundreds of clients. I have included every lesson, exercise, worksheet, client example, and training module that has made a difference for me and my clients into this program. 

We use my guidebook, Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse, as the roadmap through seven modules that address the critical areas of life that are impacted by abuse. 

The Double Standards Male Survivors Face

This month, it is my joy to introduce you to Karl Kaputski, entrepreneur, author, and Beyond Survivor. Karl is up to some really big things in his life, but he had to fight to overcome trauma that started at the age of 8 and carried on well into his adult years. I know you will be inspired by Karl's story.

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Watch my interview with Karl:

Here are some pertinent facts about me:

Born into a blue collar family in Chicago with 3 brothers and traditional stay at home mother.

Younger brother was a special needs child. (mentally retarded)

Raped at the age of 8

Sexually molested at the age of 13

Quiet, introverted...first date at the age of 19.

Married at 29, and raised 8 children, (5 daughters)

Divorced 24 years later and obtained custody after suffering through extreme mental, verbal and some physical abuse from my ex spouse who suffered life long through severe bi-polar disorder. During this time span I had suffered the humility of being accused of domestic violence only to have this charge thrown out of court due to false accusations.

I suffered deep depression, anxiety and self worthlessness during these periods. Hiding under tables, locking myself in my car, even trying to hide within my own house to get away from the verbal and mental abuse that was beating down on me.

After all of this. I went through open heart surgery after suffering a massive heart attack that had me dead for six minutes.

This is where my story begins. I started to apply all those experiences I learned through helping others in their walk in life in reaching their peak performance and started applying it to myself. 

As a man, I never had realize what the impact of the early on tragic experiences had affected me. I was broken and and never known it. Unlike a woman, a man was always taught to be tough, silent and to move on. Society preached different standards for men and some men took advantage of it. 

But just like my female counterparts, I was insecure, embarrassed, intimidated and suffered through never ending bad endings. After encountering a woman who told me her story of being raped and suffering through physical abuse did it dawn on me that this was an everyday problem and it had to be stopped. 

At that moment my life changed. I made up my mind I was going to finally wake up and have a life! Working really hard, I followed my own teachings and created everyday habits and worked on my five facets of life. I knew that only then would I be able to accomplish what I set out to do. I have a great, happy life now...I feel absolutely fabulous. But I have not forgotten the victims who haven't been as lucky as me. 

I spend my time now working with groups, individuals, businesses sharing my story and helping them create a new culture within. I developed The Way Rad (quite excellent) Culture Experience. A program that helps rape, sexual abuse, and injustice survivors get their lives back and reclaim, reinvent and reignite the spark that each one of us has in them. I now spend my time speaking to audiences, conducting workshops, putting together programs and making society aware of what needs to be done to eliminate this problem in society.

Read Part 2: How to Start Your Day with What Really Matters

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Best I can tell I would classify myself as an entrepreneur. A seven times business owner, #1 best selling author, international keynote speaker and by the way, and injustice survivor. Working as a peak performance consultant in many different aspects in the business and personal world for 30 plus years, I have had the experience to delve into 54 different industries with individuals in all sorts of professions to help create within them a peak performance culture. 

Did you know that you can create predictable and profitable results in all five facets of your life? It's all about your emotional, mental, physical, financial and spiritual well being that are intertwined and affect how happy and successful you are going to be.

https://www.success1concepts.com/

Super Hero Secrets for Your Business: How to Unlock the Secrets to Boosting Your Earnings 20% to 200% in 12 months. Work Less, Less Stress. Greater Freedom

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NOW ENROLLING...

BEYOND SURVIVING GROUP PROGRAM FOR MEN

STARTS APRIL 9th

Go here to learn more and apply today!

My Beyond Surviving Program is my in-depth program of live coaching calls and support that teach you how to finally be free of the past and move on with your life. 

It's for you if you want step-by-step support to reliably and consistently navigate life with clarity and ease. 

This program is designed for all types of survivors who are sick and tired of going around the same mountain over and over again and who want to learn specific tools and skills for transforming their lives. 

In the Beyond Surviving program, I've combined what I have learned through my own journey of recovery from sexual abuse, my study of neuroscience, my training in counseling psychology, and my experience working with hundreds of clients. I have included every lesson, exercise, worksheet, client example, and training module that has made a difference for me and my clients into this program. 

We use my guidebook, Beyond Surviving: The Final Stage in Recovery from Sexual Abuse, as the roadmap through seven modules that address the critical areas of life that are impacted by abuse. 

How Somatic Experiencing Coaching Helps with Trauma

This week, Xanet Pailet concludes her series by sharing how somatic experiencing can help one heal from trauma, particularly in the areas of intimacy and sex.

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Have you ever had an experience with sex that triggered a reaction in you that you could not understand? For example, when your partner touches you in a particular way or part of your body that makes you completely freeze and then shut down?  Maybe you are having a reaction just reading about this.

If this is your experience, you are NOT alone! It is much more common than you think. I know sometimes these experiences and feelings spiral out of control and you feel completely overwhelmed. I have been there in my own marriage. I was so anxious about having painful sex that I completely shut down...for 15 years.  

Today I want to introduce you to Somatic Experiencing, a trauma resolution therapy I use with many of my clients that helps them regain intimacy with their partner. The concept of somatic experiencing, which was created by Dr. Peter Levine, is a process to help regulate the nervous system and bring it back into harmony.

The normal pattern for our nervous system is like a continuous wave that rises and falls. Let’s say that you’re home alone and all of the sudden you hear a door slam. Your body immediately gets activated: your heart rate increases, you start looking around sensing that there may be danger and your breathing gets more rapid. Your body is preparing to respond to the danger by fighting or fleeing. Then you realize that it was just the wind that caused the door to slam. Your body immediately relaxes and your heart rate and breath decrease. This is the normal activation/deactivation pattern that your body knows how to do to maintain nervous system stability.

Trauma disrupts the nervous system and causes it to be dysregulated, usually through over-stimulation. When we become over-stimulated, we can be flooded with intense emotions, such as fear, panic, and rage. This overwhelm compromises the body’s ability to react to the danger, and we get stuck in one of two patterns: either a very high level of arousal (panic, anxiety) or feeling shut down, numb, and frozen.  

The trauma can come from a variety of different experiences, from abuse to physical and emotional issues that overwhelm the system. When working with Somatic Experiencing, we focus less on the actual event, and more on helping the client’s nervous system learn how to regulate itself and rid itself of self protection patterns that no longer serve.

Lucy Said:

I have had issues with chronic UTI’s and yeast infections after having sex. This made me terrified every time my partner wanted to have sex because I knew that it would most likely end not with a blissful experience, but instead with me in the doctor’s office going through painful procedures. I found myself completely shutting down and not able to get aroused. This happened even when my partner and I decided to take intercourse off the table. It’s like my body was in control of the whole experience.

After being introduced to Somatic Experiencing therapy, I was able to release the fear and anxiety about having sex, and learn how to relax into arousal, bringing intimacy and pleasure back into our relationship.  

Somatic Experiencing is just one of many different tools that I use when working with a client who is experiencing challenges around their sexuality. Trauma survivors benefit the most from this type of work, as do those who experience very high levels of anxiety or feeling shut down and numbed out with sex. I go more into detail about resolving sexual trauma in my new book, Living an Orgasmic Life.  If you need additional support in this area, check out the resources that follow.   

Somatic Experiencing Resources:

Facebook Resources:

Irene Lyon, a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, has a Facebook group called Healthy Nervous System Revolution, https://www.facebook.com/groups/nervoussystem/. It is a free community that focuses on autonomic nervous system health. She also shares free resources in this group.

Books:

Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma by Stacey Haines, Cleis Press (2007)

In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness by Peter Levine (North Atlantic Books 2010)

Overcoming Trauma through Yoga: Reclaiming Your Body by David Emerson & Elizabeth Hopper

(North Atlantic Books, 2011)

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Boessel van Der Kolk (Penguin Books, 2015 Reprint)

Waking The Tiger: Healing Trauma by Peter Levine (North Atlantic Books 1997)

Recommended Trauma Therapies/Workshops

Somatic Experiencing, www.traumahealing.org for a list of certified practitioners in the US and internationally

EMDR International www.emdria.site-ym.com for a list of certified EMDR practitioners in the US and internationally

Smart Body Smart Mind, www.irenelyon.com A comprehensive online workshop for healing the nervous system with advanced SE practitioner Irene Lyons.

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Xanet Pailet, author of the new book, Living an Orgasmic Life, is a recovered NYC health care lawyer who lived in a sexless marriage for over two decades.  After experiencing her own sexual healing and awakening in 2011, she transitioned her career into a full-time sex and intimacy educator and coach.  She offers 1:1 coaching and online group programs to empower women around their sexuality and strengthen couples’ relationship and intimacy skills.

Xanet is a certified Somatica Sex and Intimacy Coach, Sexological Body Worker, Holistic Pelvic Care Practitioner, Tantra Educator and is trauma trained in Somatic Experiencing. She is on the faculty of the Ecstatic Living Institute and the Somatica Institute.

https://powerofpleasure.com

https://www.facebook.com/xanetpop/

https://www.instagram.com/pleasurehour/

https://twitter.com/PowerofPleasure

https://www.pinterest.com/janetpailet/pins/