Let's talk about following your intuition...

Time needed: 3 minutes

Can it really be as simple as noticing whether you're an absolute yes or absolute no? 

Here's to making empowered decisions.

Watch Now!

https://youtu.be/T1GQZObjCNk

The Face of Child, Early and Forced Marriages: What Way Forward?

This month, Etali Genesis Akwaji, is joining us to share about practices within Cameroon that need to change, and the consequences of this long-standing practice. 

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SUSTAIN Cameroon is a grassroots non-profit that is based in the North West Region of Cameroon. Our organization has an aim to promote and protect the rights of women, girls and orphans and vulnerable children. We work to enhance the rights and well-being of women, girls and orphans and vulnerable children in communities across Cameroon and particularly in the North West Region of the country. We strive to promote their economic independence and create safe spaces for them to survive and to thrive. 

Our intervention is a bit weighted on the practical needs with the goal to build their economic resilience. We provide them with access to vocational skills training, income generation and small business practices and also creation of financial strengthening schemes with the introduction and institution of revolving savings and micro loan schemes in their midst to enable them to improve on their business capital and to stand on their feet. Our belief is that if these women are able to meet their basic needs without having to look up to their (abusive) partners, it is possible they can escape abuses and develop their niche of protection against all forms of violence against them. We also seek to return those willing to continue an education to school through scholarship assistance. 

Our current flagship program is to contribute to ending child, early and forced marriages and sexual exploitation. The project seeks to empower 50 child brides with income generation. Through this project we are providing small business capital, vocational skills training opportunities, scholarship support for continued education to child brides and girls at risk. We are also providing them with access to sexual and reproductive health and rights including menstrual health management. We also train them, their caregivers and some community volunteers on child protection, community activism and engage them as activists and campaigners against child, early and forced marriages, sexual exploitation, GBV, human trafficking and modern-day slavery. 

We are working in communities across the North West Region of Cameroon. With the involvement of volunteers, new partnership windows opened, we will be able to strengthen the efforts we are making and serve many more constituents who are also looking up to have their life's situations changed.

Issue of forced marriage in Cameroon! 

Early and Forced marriages remain a major concern in Cameroon. According to UNICEF (State of the World's Children 2017), 31% of girls in Cameroon are married before their 18th birthday and 10% are married before the age of 15. These figures are also released by the Ministry of Women's Empowerment and the Family, which stipulates that at least 41% of Cameroonian girls are forced into marriage and most of the time to much older men. 

The majority of girls falling victim to child, early and forced marriage are aged between 13 – 15, thus making the age group the most affected, this is amounting to about 60% of these girls falling victim to CEFM. 

The legal minimum age for marriage in Cameroon until now was 15 for girls, 18 for boys (Cameroon Penal Code). However, in 2016, the government committed to eliminate CEFM by 2030 in line with target 5.3 of the Sustainable Development Goals and after signing a joint statement at the human rights council in 2014 calling for a resolution on child marriage, took a giant step and made some legal modification to section 356 of the Penal code, thus raised the minimum age of marriage from 15 years for girls to 18 years to equate it for both boys and girls.

Cameroon is signatory to and has ratified several international human rights instruments/documents that set minimum age of marriage of 18 and which obligate states to ensure free and full consent to marriage. Some of these instruments are; the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC) in 1993; the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination Against Women (CEDAW) in 1994; the African Charter on the Rights and Welfare of the Child, including article 21 regarding the prohibition of child marriage, in 1997; African Charter on Human and People's Rights on the Rights of Women in Africa, including article 6 which sets the minimum age for marriage at 18. 

Although the government has taken these important steps to eliminate child, early and forced marriages, a lot more still has to be done especially with the applicability and propagation of the amendment to the Penal Code and yet still the International Human Rights instruments to which it is party to as entrenched customs and traditions and gender inequality still dominate the scene especially at the local level. 

Notwithstanding, the vectors and catalysts to child, early and forced marriages are way beyond mere laws put in place as a majority of these girls who fall victim to CEFM emanate from very poor and resource limited families and communities. They are pushed into such marriages because of their living conditions and their inability to meet their basic needs. This is exacerbated by the absence of strong community mechanisms and structures to ensure they survive and thrive plus entrenched customs and traditions (say the way of life) that are the bedrock of the social constructs of the people and society and that have not been affected by the new law and decision to push the minimum age to 18 years for girls to be married and more or less outlawed by the International Human Rights Instruments sanctioning CEFM. 

Consequences of forced marriage on the girl child 

Girls who marry early are more likely to experience violence, abuse, and forced/coerced sexual relations. Early pregnancy and childbearing are some of the dangerous causes and consequences of the harmful practice of child marriage. CEFM robs the girl of basic human rights (e.g. education, reproductive rights, sexual and reproductive health and rights, consensual marriage, freedoms etc.) and of a future. Many of these girls who marry early are very vulnerable and susceptible to domestic violence, poor mental health, and malnutrition. Our resource limited communities act as catalyst and a push factor for child early and forced marriages, human trafficking and sexual exploitation of women and girls in the heart of our communities. Women and girls' inability to have access and control over productive resources, inheritance and landed property continue to be a strong vector for their vulnerability to all forms of gender based violence and abuses, child, early and forced marriages, sexual exploitation and human trafficking and modern day slavery. Many interventions seem to place a lot of emphasis on the strategic needs with little efforts on their practical needs and thus leaving them constantly to the threat and repeated cycle of abuse since they are unable to meet their basic needs and always have to depend on their (abusive) partners for survival. Providing them with sustainable solutions to their welfare is paramount to enabling them to build their resilience and to avail themselves of all forms of abuses. This documentary puts a face to the challenges that these women and girls undergo living in such abusive conditions and strive to stimulate a shift in approach and to enable a robust intervention to providing sustainable livelihoods solutions to these women and girls to enable them to survive and thrive. Alternatively, you can follow this YouTube link: https://youtu.be/xwftWhghQSE 

Our work is currently developing in communities across the North West Region of Cameroon with the hope to extend to other parts of the country. With your partnership, we will be able to strengthen the efforts we are making, scale up the work we are doing and to serve many more constituents who are also looking up to have their life's situations changed. it would be a wonderful opportunity to work together in the trenches, changing lives and in making the world safer and a better place for all. Please should you require additional information about or wish to partner or support our work, follow the links in the article and you can also contact us directly through our contact details 

#AMI #Fundacaoami #SUSTAINCameroon #Childmarriage #Endchildmarriage #EarlyPregnancies #Childbearing #CEFM #Sexualexploitation #SexualAbuse #Empoweringwomen #ChildAbuse #sextrafficking #domesticviolence #Metoo #womensrights #childrights #girlsrights #HeforShe #womenshealth #humarights

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Etali Genesis Akwaji is the founder/CEO the Association for Sustainable Development Livelihood Initiatives (SUSTAIN Cameroon); a grassroots non-profit with goal eradicate harmful practices that perpetrate violence against women and children. Etali has extensive years of work in community activism, leading advocacy against gender violence in the heart of our community. He is an ardent advocate for the promotion and protection of women and children's rights and a gender activist.

Website: http://www.sustaincmr.wordpress.com 

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/SUSTAINCameroon 

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/sustaincmr 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sustain-cameroon-24516179 

YouTube: https://youtu.be/xwftWhghQSE

What triggers set you off?

Ugh! Triggers. Am I right?

At one point in my life, it felt like all of my senses -- a sound, a smell, a touch, a taste, an image -- were minefields for getting triggered.

This was particularly painful during my teen years because no one had explained to me how trauma impacts the brain's ability to assess and respond to risk proportionally. 

As a result, I spent so much time in anxiety and fear that I couldn't even fathom actually facing and taking on the abuse. I mean, if this is what it felt like when I was "ignoring" it, what in the world would happen if I actually began to talk about it?

Can you relate? Have you ever thought, as my client Crystal did, "I don't want to touch it with a ten-foot pole. I am scared and unsure about opening the box of abuse"?

I totally get it.

The good news is ... this isn't permanent!

The first step is to fully understand how the brain becomes wired as a result of trauma to interpret the world around us as "unsafe". 

From there, we then begin to use interventions and strategies to "rewire" the brain so as to reduce and eliminate triggers.

This is critical to healing from sexual abuse (and also makes it more approachable/doable) - because, when we are not constantly activated/triggered - we can focus, tap into motivation, stay grounded and present, better respond to stresses and challenges, remain more even-tempered, and take on the trauma.

It is one of the things that brings me the most joy in the work I do with my clients -- seeing them go from destabilized, antagonized -- to peaceful and at ease. Like Crystal - when she started the program, the sound of sirens would immediately cause her to panic and dissociate.

Through our work together, she was able to retrain her brain and eliminate this trigger!

Listen to Crystal share about it in her own words!

Watch here

If the time is now for you to no longer be set off by triggers, and if you aren't sure how to get there, then I invite you to apply for a Discover Your Genuine Self session so I can share with you the steps you need to take to in order to build your capacity to walk through the world with ease!

To kicking triggers to the curb,

Watch this video in which Dr. Simone Ravicz and I discuss how, by using brain-based, proven scientific techniques, you can rid yourself of the disturbing emotions, unhealthy behavior and physical problems that arise from trauma.

Read about your brain's "delete" button!




What are the triggers that you'd love to be free of?

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BOOK OF THE MONTH

Michael Sunset's memoir details the way he was systematically manipulated by his ex-wife, her father, his mother, and sister to believe he had a mental illness. His ex-wife worked to manipulate mental health professionals and the family court system to obtain control of their finances and daughter during their divorce process. Michael describes how jarring it is to experience and how to defend against it.

READ MORE HERE!

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UPCOMING EVENTS

Have you been wondering why your relationship is not what you want it to be no matter how hard you try? 

Millions across the globe are fraught with frustration, overcome by obligation and feel powerless to affect progress in their personal and professional lives.  

Those that have left abusive relationships are free but free-falling grasping for stability, safety, and belonging.  

Many have gone through the trenches and come out victors, leaving their fingerprint on the world and pulling up countless others with them as they rise. 

That is why I'm honored to be a guest speaker in an online summit called: Emotional Abuse to Euphoria: How to Read the Red Flags, Get Clarity & Manage Your Mind to Live the Life You Truly Love. 

Myself and over 20 other experts, in a collection of FREE mentoring sessions, will be providing the tools and resources needed to take the big leap into the life of your dreams. You were not merely meant to survive but to THRIVE. If you’re ready to take the first baby step, we welcome you with open arms!

JOIN NOW!

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September: "False Memory" Backlash

Dissociation and traumatic amnesia are common ways of attempting to cope with childhood abuse. Many survivors have delayed or recovered memories, and because of this we are often confronted (by ourselves or others) with the question, "Are you sure?" We will discuss the impact of trauma on the memory so you can set your mind at ease about what you have experienced and own the truth of it.

Learn More & Register Here

Psychological Benefits of Delayed Recall of Abuse

This month, Mary Knight, MSW, is joining us to share why delayed recall can actually be a good thing.

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I am certain my memories of childhood sexual abuse are true. 

I did not remember my abuse until I was 37-years-old. Even as a child, I had no conscious memory of the atrocities except for while they were occurring.

When discussing recovered memories like mine, the focus tends to be on their credibility. Since I no longer need to give my time and energy to determining the validity of my recollections, my attention has turned to examining the many ways delayed recall benefited me.

Vacations help us maintain our emotional well-being, especially for those of us with extremely demanding jobs. There is no job as demanding as surviving an abusive childhood. Delayed recall for a child is like taking a vacation from the fear, horror, and shame of the abuse. As a little girl who was molested by both parents, delayed recall gave me a psychological vacation from the abuse.

Delayed recall enabled me to not only do well in school, but to also find comfort there. I was always aware that my parents were very critical and that they yelled a lot. In contrast, my teachers were kind and respectful. They complimented me when I worked hard. School was a haven for me; a calm place where things made sense.

Friendships have nourished me throughout my life. My social skills were well- honed in grade school. Throughout my school years I associated with high achievers. Many of my long-term friends have graduate degrees.

I had a Master’s degree in Social Work by the time I recalled my abuse. Two of my articles were published in professional journals. I was appointed by judges to do divorce custody and parenting time evaluations. I testified as a mental health expert on a regular basis. I now realize that the respect I received from judges and attorneys was one of the factors in enabling me to trust myself enough to remember what deep down inside I always knew.

I was making strides in becoming self-actualized. I read books on codependency, then took a class about it, and eventually joined a 12-step group for Adult Children of Alcoholics (neither of my parents were alcoholics but my mother acknowledged alcoholism on the part of her deceased father). I finally realized the problems in my first marriage were not all mine and I insisted on marriage counseling. I began finding ways to have fun, like acting at the community theater level. I started dressing in brighter colors and I quit choosing styles that hid my figure.

Remembering what happened to me as a child turned my world upside down. In no way do I want to minimize that fact. Still, I am thankful for my delayed recall. During my childhood, forgetting allowed me to fulfill my developmental tasks in tandem with my peers.

In college I studied Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. In his five tier model of human needs, Maslow suggests that you must fulfill the lower needs before it is possible to fulfill the higher ones. The lowest needs are physical, such as food, water, and shelter. The next level is safety and security. After that is belongingness and a sense of community. Then comes esteem needs which are associated with accomplishments. Lastly, according to Maslow, is the need to become self-actualized.

When I first learned about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it did not make sense to me. I argued with my college professor saying that starving people can become self-actualized. I now realize on a deeper level I was speaking for myself. My parents led a double life. In their upper middle-class respectable existence my physical needs were met. The life that my mind kept hidden from me included food deprivation and torture.

 

 

For me, Maslow’s triangle was in a sense upside down. I began to meet my higher needs before having the solid foundation that enabled me to process what happened to me as a child. I had the skills and connections by then to enable me to find a sense of community and family that did not include my abusers. My professional accomplishments gave me the confidence to make it on my own.

My safety needs were the last of my needs to be satisfied, partly because I had been drawn to men who were untrustworthy like my father. I finally feel safe in my own home. Jerry and I married 10 years ago. We live in a house we can easily afford and the view from our deck fills me with joy daily. Creative activities, which are a form of self-actualization, absorb a large portion of my time.

Rather than an upside down or a right side up triangle, my process of remembering has been lines that are far from straight. I still have new memories occasionally. Some are brutal, even in the midst of my put-together life, so I take good care of myself. I have a pajama day, enjoy long baths, relax my body with yoga and massage, dance, journal, and hike alone or with my husband. And I think about the child I once was who did not have these opportunities. I don’t push myself to remember. I’m fine with unclear memories. 

I don’t need all the details. The only memories I need are the ones that will help me or another person.

While I celebrate everyone’s path to recovery, I am glad mine included delayed recall. I don’t know how I would have survived my childhood without it, but it did more than save my life. Delayed recall gave me a life worth living.

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Mary Knight, MSW, Filmmaker/Keynote Speaker, is a human trafficking survivor and a happy ending finder. Her speaking topics include Recovery is Possible, Complex PTSD, My Parents Were My Pimps (familial/child sex trafficking), and Trauma Induced Chronic Pain. She tells about the path she took to the great life she now has in her personal documentary "Am I Crazy? My journey to determine if my memories are true." Her previous films include "Sister Mary's Angel," a PG-13 feature-length comedy and "One Man's Anger, One Woman's Love," a 15-minute short film shown worldwide to domestic violence survivor groups. She can be contacted at maryknighthappy@yahoo.com.

www.MaryKnightProductions.com
https://www.facebook.com/maryknightproductions/
www.OneMansAnger.com

Let's talk about saying the scary shit!

 

Time needed: 5 minutes

This is definitely a "practice what you preach" moment as I say some scary sh** about my struggle to cuddle and enjoy intimacy.

To saying it out loud!

Watch Now!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdBNgcFi9Bk